Quinn, Season 5
by WildDogJJ
Summary: Quinn and Jim are now engaged and are preparing to take that next step forward. Even though they stumble periodically. An epic that'll end with either a fairy tale wedding or a monumental disaster. Given the nature of the families involved, my money's on the latter, LOL.
1. Chapter 1

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Quinn The Matchmaker"**

 **written by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Morgendorffer House, day...**

Daria is in her room reading a book. Her look is a little different. Her glasses are wire frames instead of coke bottles and instead of a sweater or a bulky green jacket she's wearing a green t-shirt that, while not super tight, does reveal that she has curves. She's traded the wrap skirt for a pair of blue jeans and her boots have been replaced by red sneakers. She's so into the book that she doesn't hear the doorbell ring. What finally gets her attention is...

 **Jake:** (VO from downstairs) "Daria, your sister's here!"

Daria puts down her book and smiles. She and Quinn have come a long way from their old sibling rivalry. A few minutes later Daria and Quinn walking from the front door to Quinn's car. Quinn looks more chipper than usual. She said "So, sis, ready for a day of sisterly bonding?"

Daria said "Ready as I'll ever be."

They enter Quinn's car and drive off.

* * *

 **Parking lot at Lawndale Mall...**

Quinn had been driving while Daria rode in the front seat. Before exiting the parked vehicle the two sisters make conversation.

Quinn said "Thanks for agreeing to go shopping with me, Daria."

Daria looks suspicious.

"Okay, Quinn, what gives?"

"What do you mean?"

Daria said "You come back from a weekend at the shore with Jim and the first thing you do is beg me to spend a day shopping with you, and only you, despite the fact that I don't like shopping. You keep pushing until I say yes and insist that no one else come along. Why?"

Playing coy, Quinn said "I just wanna spend quality time with my sister."

Daria said "There's more to it this time, I can tell."

Quinn smiles even more brightly.

"I have to tell you something, Daria. Something I want you to know before anyone else does."

Daria replied "Well, we're alone in your car in a mall parking lot. Are you going to tell me?"

With a huge smile, Quinn said "Better yet, I'll show you. Close your eyes?"

Daria stated "Ten years ago I'd think this is a trick, but since then you've more than earned the benefit of the doubt."

Daria closes her eyes. She keeps them shut until...

"Alright, open them!"

Daria's opens her eyes. The first thing she sees is Quinn's left hand with a huge diamond ring on her finger. Daria is pleasantly surprised.

"You mean...!?"

Quinn can barely contain her excitement.

"Yes. Jim proposed and I said yes. I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm engaged."

Daria smiles.

* * *

 **Later, at Pizza King...**

Jim and Mack are having lunch and catching up. Jim has just told Mack about his engagement to Quinn.

Mack said "Congratulations, man."

Jim said "Thanks, Mack."

"So, any idea when the wedding's gonna be?"

"We haven't had a chance to plan any of that yet. All I know for sure is that the groomsmen will include my brother, Chris. I also want you to be one of the groomsmen."

Mack smiles.

"I'd consider it an honor, Jim. You have anyone else in mind."

Jim said "Definitely Chuck. Not only is he a good friend of mine but it'd be unfair to not have him as a groomsman since it's pretty much a forgone conclusion that Stacy's gonna be a bridesmaid."

Mack asked "What about Kevin?"

Jim said "I'll invite him. After all, he's my friend despite being an annoying idiot half the time."

Mack gives Jim a "who are you kidding" type of look, which Jim notices.

Jim amended "Okay, he's an annoying idiot all of the time."

Mack said "At least he didn't stick you with a nickname that you hate."

"Thank God."

At this point, they're approached by Kevin.

"Yo, Jim, Mack Daddy! What's up?"

Mack groans. Without waiting for an invitation Kevin sits himself down next to Mack.

"So, like, what's going on, dudes?"

Jim said "I'm engaged to Quinn."

Kevin looks sympathetic.

"Dude, that sucks. Welcome to the club. You know, fatherhood isn't that bad."

Mack rolls his eyes while Jim gives Kevin a curious look.

Jim said "Kevin, what are you talking about?"

Kevin said "Duh, bro. You, like, knocked Quinn up."

Now Jim rolls his eyes.

"Quinn's not pregnant."

Kevin looks confused.

"So, um, why are you marrying her?"

Jim and Mack both roll their eyes.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at the mall...**

Quinn and Daria are in the food court having lunch. Quinn is eating a salad while Daria is having a slice of pizza. Daria asked "You sure you didn't want some pizza, Quinn?"

Quinn said "Daria, I can't eat that now. I need to fit into a wedding dress in a few months."

"I guess some things never change."

Both sisters laugh. At this point, Daria spots a happy young couple laughing over pizza. Next, she sees an elderly couple holding hands and looking at each other like a pair of lovesick teenagers. Finally, she looks Quinn's engagement ring. As a result Daria is suddenly looking sad, which Quinn notices.

"Daria, what's wrong?"

Daria now looks angry. In a tone that is both sarcastic and hostile, Daria said "Nothing. I'm the anti-social one, remember. I don't need anyone."

Quinn is undeterred.

"Now I know something's wrong. You wouldn't be this snippy otherwise."

Daria frowns.

 _She knows me better than I think._ "Quinn, sorry I snapped just now. You're right, something is wrong."

Quinn is visibly concerned.

"Is it something to do with me?"

"Yes and no."

Quinn looks puzzled, which Daria notices.

Daria said "I'm a little jealous. You're engaged, you have a successful YouTube channel. I'm stuck living with my parents and despite all of my efforts I'm still unemployed. All of your friends are here in Lawndale while Jane and Trent are in New York and...well...you see..."

Daria can't bring herself to say it. Quinn immediately figures it out.

"You're lonely, aren't you."

Daria nods, relieved that she didn't have to say it herself. She explained "Don't get me wrong, Quinn. I enjoy spending time with you but you're engaged, your best friend is married with a kid while my best friend lives two hours away and I'm single."

Quinn immediately understands.

"You want to be in a relationship again."

Daria nods.

Quinn asked "So why don't you get out there and start dating again?"

Daria answered "Quinn, I seriously doubt there's anyone in Lawndale that I'm compatible with."

"Daria, that can't possibly be true."

"I don't know where to look. Finding people on my level is a lot easier in a big city than a sheltered upper middle class suburb."

Quinn looks thoughtful.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's apartment, evening...**

Quinn and Jim are watching TV while their dog, Storm, rests at their feet. Cut to the TV and we see a latin man in priestly vestments hold a drug dealer at gun point in front of a church altar.

 **Monsignor Martinez:** "Vaya con Dios."

He shoots the drug dealer in the face. Cut to Quinn and Jim. Quinn said "I used to watch "Monsignor Martinez" all the time back in Highland."

Jim said "Now, aren't you glad I bought the complete series."

Jim decides to change the subject. He paused the DVD and said "You know, Kevin can't wrap his mind around the fact that a guy might want to marry a girl because he loves her and not just because he knocked her up. Just a heads up, you may have to deal with pregnancy rumors for a while."

Quinn said "No big deal. People take it with a grain of salt when the source is Kevin."

Jim asked "So, how was your day of sisterly bonding?"

In a serious tone, Quinn said "It was nice."

Jim notes the serious tone in his fiancée's voice.

"I feel a "but" coming."

Quinn said "Daria's lonely. I kind of felt bad for her. I think she's a little jealous that we're engaged but she hasn't found someone. I wanna try and fix her up with someone but I don't know who."

Jim asked "Well, what does she usually go for in a guy?"

Quinn answered "A smart guy who's reasonably attractive and shares her snarkiness and truly understands her."

With a playful grin, Jim joked "I know someone like that. Only problem is you snagged me first."

Quinn giggles.

Jim suggested "You could try setting her up with Mack."

Quinn shook her head and explained "He had a brief fling with Jane in college."

"Wasn't Daria's first boyfriend a guy who dated Jane first?"

Quinn said "Yes, but after Tom she swore off any guy who'd previously been with Jane. Chuck would be a possibility but he's happily married to Stacy. Even if he wasn't it'd be hard to get Daria over the fact that he used to be Upchuck."

Jim commented "I still find it hard to believe he was that repulsive in high school. Any ideas?"

Quinn said "She and Tom already dated in high school. It didn't work out then and it really won't work out now."

Jim nods in understanding.

Quinn continued "She briefly hit it off with a guy in high school, Ted DeWitt-Clinton, but he blew her off on their first date."

Jim said "That was over ten years ago. I doubt he's the same now."

Quinn dismissively said "You've got that right. He doesn't even live in Lawndale anymore. Last I heard he was in Fort Lauderdale sharing an apartment with his boyfriend."

Jim's jaw drops.

"Boyfriend?"

Quinn said "Yeah, turns out he's gay. I don't think we want a repeat of the disaster Sandi had last year."

Quinn looks thoughtful, then discouraged.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought."

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, the next evening...**

 **Music:** "Fireflies" by Owl City

Jake, Helen and Daria are in the kitchen sitting down to have dinner. Quinn and Jim are there. They've just announced their engagement to Jake and Helen. Jake reacted as expected.

"GAH! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED! JIM, DID YOU GET MY LITTLE GIRL PREGNANT!? I'LL KILL YOU!"

Jim rolls his eyes.

"Why does everyone assume I got Quinn pregnant?"

This snaps Jake out of it. He breathes a huge sigh of relief.

"OH, THANK GOD! MY LITTLE GIRL ISN'T KNOCKED UP!"

Now, Quinn rolls her eyes.

Calming down, Jake added "I still think you're too young though, sweetie."

Daria rhetorically asked "Weren't you and Mom young when you got married?"

Jake said "Yeah, but I was twenty-five and your mother was twenty-four."

Now it's Helen who rolls her eyes.

"Jake, Quinn's twenty-six."

Jake looks amazed.

"Really!? Wow!"

Trying not to laugh, Jim said "That always kills me how you don't know your daughter's own ages."

Jake blushes with embarrassment before burying his face in a newspaper. Helen turns her attention to her younger daughter.

"So, Quinn, have you set a date?"

"Not yet, Mom."

Daria eyes Quinn coldly.

"I'll be in my room."

She gets up and walks away. Once she's gone Quinn looks very concerned.

* * *

 **Daria's room, a short time later...**

Daria is watching TV. Cut to the TV and we see a guy walk in on his wife with another man.

 **TV Annoucer:** "What's the worst thing about the recession? You can't bang your girlfriend when her husband's always home. Laid Off Love Triangles, next on Sick, Sad World."

Cut to Daria. She looks impassive, as usual. At this point, Quinn enters her room.

"Daria, can I talk to you?"

Daria sighs.

"What's on your mind, Quinn?"

Quinn has a seat next to Daria on the bed. She said "About our conversation at the mall. This lonliness thing is really getting to you, isn't it?"

Daria deadpanned "Am I that obvious?"

Quinn, with a deadpan that would rival her sister's, said "Given how you were at dinner, I'd have to say yes."

Daria explained "Quinn, I'm lonely but there's nothing I can do about it. Without Jane around I've been reverting back to my old anti-social self."

"Well, I know you've had boyfriends since Tom. How'd you meet them?"

Daria said "Some were classmates while others I met through either Jane or you. I don't know where to look in this town. I doubt I'd ever find someone I'm compatible with around here anyway."

Quinn visibly feels bad.

"Why don't I find someone to fix you up with? You could double with me and Jim."

Daria immediately remembered the time she was on yearbook in high school. Quinn had set her up on a date in order to gain influence. It didn't go well.

"We tried that in high school, remember? As I recall, it didn't go well."

Quinn said "Different time, different circumstances and I was a different person back then. This time I wanna help you find someone that you can connect with. You're lonely and I wanna help."

Daria said "As much as I appreciate the sisterly concern how are you going to find someone I can click with?"

"Daria, you're my sister. I know what makes you tick better than anyone."

Not buying it, Daria asked "Do you even know what I look for in a guy?"

Ignoring the disbelieving tone, Quinn said "Someone who shares your interests, is on your intellectual level, gets your sense of humor and looks reasonably good, although I know that's not a deal breaker if he doesn't. It's all about overall compatibility."

Daria half smiles.

 _She really does get me._ "Okay, I'll let you fix me up with someone."

Quinn smiles and hugs her sister.

"Thanks, Daria."

She starts to leave when...

"Quinn, are you sure you can find someone like that for me?"

"Duh, I'm the one with the people skills."

* * *

 **Lawndale Public Library, the next day...**

 **Music:** "She Wolf" by Shakira

Quinn is sitting in a chair reading "The DaVinci Code" by Dan Brown.

 _I didn't know Saint Peter was a sexist._

She puts the book down and scans the area. She soon spots someone reading the book "1984" by George Orwell.

 _Daria likes Orwell._

Quinn loses hope when she notices that the reader is a man of at least seventy.

 _Never mind, too old._

Next, Quinn spots someone reading something by Kafka.

 _Daria's into Kafka._

She loses hope again when she notices the reader is a boy who can't possibly be older than fifteen.

 _Too young._

She continues to scan the room. She spots someone reading "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad. Pan out to show a good looking guy in his mid-to-late twenties. He has short black hair, wire frame glasses, and a generally nice build. He's wearing a t-shirt that says "Those who can't do, teach." Cut back to a satisfied looking Quinn.

 _Perfect. Now, move in for the kill._

Quinn gets up and walks up to the guy.

"Excuse me."

The guy looks up. Quinn smiles sweetly at him.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I noticed that book you're reading. What's it about?"

The guy said "It's a story about war and how it brings out the savagery in ones soul. It's an interesting analysis on the dichotomy of the human soul."

Quinn feigns interest.

"That's sooo cool. My name's Quinn Morgendorffer, by the way."

The guy shakes her hand.

"Doug Mellner."

* * *

 **A few hours later...**

Quinn and Doug walk out of the library and are making light hearted conversation.

Doug said "You know, Quinn, you seem pretty interesting."

He's visibly nervous.

"Um, Quinn."

"Yes."

Doug said "I was wondering, if you're not doing anything, maybe we could go out on Friday night."

Quinn said "Don't get me wrong, Doug. I'm flattered and I do find you attractive, but..."

Quinn shows him the ring.

"...I'm engaged."

Doug looks a little put off.

"Then why were you acting all interested in me?"

Quinn said "I wanted to get a sense about you. It's like this, I promised my sister that I'd fix her up with someone. You seem like the type of guy she'd hit it off with. You're smart and share some of her interests. I acted like I had those same interests in order to see if there was any potential between you and her. I'm sorry for leading you on like that, but my sister's kind of picky."

Doug said "So she asked you to find someone and vet him? I like that."

Surprised, Quinn said "You do!?"

"That much attention to detail maximizes success."

Quinn said "How about a double date on Friday? You, my sister, me and my fiancee."

Doug said "Sounds fun."

Quinn smiles in triumph.

 _Quinn, you are too good at this._

* * *

 **A street in Lawndale, evening...**

 **Music:** "21 Guns" by Green Day

Quinn's car is driving down the street. Inside, Quinn driving while Jim rides shotgun. Daria is in the back wearing a black blouse and makeup.

Daria said "I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this."

Jim said "Relax, Daria. It's just a date."

"That's what Lincoln said?"

Quinn said "Relax, sis. I completely vetted this guy. He's definitely your type."

The car pulls up to an apartment complex. Doug is outside, waiting. Quinn, Jim and Daria step out of the car and walk up to him.

Quinn said "Hi, Doug."

Doug smiles.

"Hey, Quinn."

"Doug, this is my fiancee, Jim Carbone."

Jim and Doug shake hands.

"Nice to meet you, Jim."

"Same here, Doug."

Quinn said "And this is your date. My sister, Daria Morgendorffer."

Doug holds out his hand.

"Hey, Daria."

Daria shakes Doug's hand.

"Hey, Doug."

They walk toward the car. Doug sees Quinn enter the driver's side. He turns to Jim.

"Why are you letting her drive?"

Jim said "It's her car."

Doug asked "Why didn't you use your car?"

Jim explained "Because my car's a Camaro. You ever try to seat four people comfortably in one of those?"

Doug said "You know, it's not very manly to let your woman drive on a date."

Jim looks concerned while Daria looks offended.

* * *

 **Governors Park Restaurant...**

Quinn, Jim, Daria and Doug are sitting at the table. Daria does not look like she's enjoying herself.

Doug said "So, you live with your parents?"

Daria said in her usual deadpan "Yes, despite having a BA in English and a PhD in Literature. Money well spent, especially since it wasn't mine."

Doug shrugs.

"In this economy that's no surprise. Beats living on the street."

Daria remarked "Deregulation at it's worst."

Doug retorted "Or maybe putting the Democrats back in congress. They messed things up."

Daria's eyes narrow.

"Excuse me, but lax regulation is what created a situation where financial meltdown was likely."

Doug pedantically said "I find your statement to be naive. If we'd held true to capitalism the market would have corrected itself before it got to this point."

Sarcastic, Daria said "Do you also believe Saddam Hussein had WMD's as well?"

Doug retorted "Irrelevant. We liberated an oppressed people."

Daria shot back "By causing a civil war."

Quinn and Jim are now visibly uncomfortable. The tension is making them nervous. Quinn decides to change the subject.

"You know, I just remembered...um...well...my friend, Stacy. The day care center at the TV station is really something for little Chucky."

That gets Doug's attention.

"TV station?"

Quinn said "Yeah, she's a news reporter for KSBC. Maybe you've seen her, Stacy Ruttheimer?"

Doug gives Quinn a disapproving look.

"You're friends with a member of the liberal media?"

Now, it's Quinn who's offended.

"Excuse me!?"

Doug said "That explains Daria's misguided opinions. You've been influenced by left-leaning elitists."

Both Quinn and Daria stare daggers at Doug. Jim looks very uncomfortable.

"Um, Maybe we should talk about something else."

At the table next to them a young couple is being seated by a hostess. The woman is a beautiful blonde white woman while the man is a handsome looking black man. Doug gives the interracial couple a disapproving look.

"Here we go." he said, "Put one black guy in the White House and now they're stealing our women. You should stick to your own kind."

Quinn, Jim and Daria are all visibly offended.

Daria said "And since when does skin color become a deal breaker in relationships."

In a disparaging tone, Doug said "You mean you condone the idea of a white woman slutting out with a n #%&$*!?"

Daria, Quinn and Jim all gasp in shock.

* * *

 **The parking lot, less than a minute later...**

Doug is standing on the curb in open mouthed shock while Quinn, Jim and Daria drive off and leave him behind.

* * *

 **The Liquid Dinner, later that evening...**

 **Music:** "Bulletproof" by La Roux

Quinn, Daria and Jim are at the bar. Jim is having a beer while Quinn is drinking a club soda (she's driving) and Daria is having a Gin and Tonic. Quinn said "Sorry about that, Daria. If I'd known he was a racist neo-con I never would've tried to fix you up with him."

Daria sighs.

"That's alright, Quinn. You paying for my drinks sort of makes up for it."

At this point, Daria spots a guy in his late twenties. He has wavy, light brown hair, wire frame glasses and is physically good looking. He looks up and notices Daria. He smiles and waves. This causes Daria to blush, which Quinn notices.

"Daria, it wasn't that humiliating, was it?"

Daria is speechless. Jim looks and sees the guy Daria was checking out.

"I just spotted the source of her speechlessness."

Quinn looks over and sees the guy. He immediately averts his gaze. Quinn has a knowing smile.

"Daria," she said "...you and that guy were checking each other out, weren't you?"

Daria blushes a second time.

"Um...well...yeah..."

Quinn said "Well, go talk to him."

Daria said "Quinn, one seemingly nice guy turning out to be a creep is all I can stomach in one night."

"How will you know whether or not he's a creep if you don't talk to him?"

Jim said "She's right, Daria. After all, that's how Quinn and I got together."

Quinn said "Yeah, I talked to a stranger on a train and four years later I'm marrying him. You once told me it was all about giving people a chance. Why don't you give this guy a chance?"

Daria looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Jim immediately understands.

"You're afraid you'll say something weird and scare him off, aren't you?"

Daria sheepishly nods.

Jim said "I get that. It was the same thing when I met Quinn. That's why she had to make the first move."

Quinn said "Best decision I ever made."

Daria asked "What are you guys saying?"

Jim said "Have you considered the possibility that he wants to talk to you but he's too nervous?"

Daria looks thoughtful.

Quinn said "Take the risk, Daria. Who knows? Maybe in four years you'll be getting ready for a walk down the aisle."

Daria sighs. She walks over to the guy.

"Um, hey."

The guy said "Sorry if I creeped you out when I smiled and waved. I was just trying to be friendly."

Daria explained "You didn't creep me out. I was actually afraid I'd creeped you out by looking at you."

"No, I was flattered."

Daria blushes.

"Um...can I sit down? Um...I mean.."

The guy smiles.

"Sure. My name's Mark Winfield, by the way."

"Daria Morgendorffer."

They shake hands.

"Pleased to meet you, Daria."

Cut back to Quinn and Jim. They both have knowing smiles.

* * *

 **Some time later...**

Mark and Daria are seated at the table having conversation.

"...so it turned out the guy was a racist neo-conservative."

With a shrug, Mark said "Well, it could've been worse."

Daria deadpanned "Oh, Yeah, I could've been fixed up with a serial killer."

With equal deadpan, Mark said "Nothing says "I love you" like a severed head."

Daria remarked "Especially if the head belonged to your worst enemy."

Mark said "I figured you'd see the bright side. I like the way you think."

Daria said "Just so you know, I believe in racial and gender equality."

"So do I, despite society's constant failure to live up to that standard."

Daria smiles. Mark gets out a pen and a piece of paper. He writes something and hands it to Daria. Daria looks puzzled.

Mark said "Don't worry, it's not a creepy note. Unless a phone number and e-mail address creeps you out."

Daria takes the paper.

"Thanks."

She writes something down and hands it to Mark.

"Here's mine."

Mark takes it and smiles.

* * *

 **A street in Lawndale, later that evening...**

 **Music:** "Bad Romance" by Lady Ga Ga

We see Quinn's car driving down the road. Cut to inside the car. Quinn is driving while Jim is in the front seat and Daria is in the back. Quinn said "So, Daria, you and that guy seemed to hit it off."

Daria said "His name's Mark. He's smart and gets my sense of humor."

Smiling, Quinn said "See, Daria. You went out on a limb and met someone that you get along with."

"Yes. We bonded over shared sarcasm and cynicism. The perfect foundation for any relationship. We exchanged phone numbers and e-mail."

Jim said "Now, aren't you glad we went out tonight?"

Daria said "Well, my sister did set me up on a date with a racist asshole."

"Hey, he seemed like your type. I didn't know what a jerk Doug actually was."

Daria said "Since you apologized by buying me drinks at a bar where I met someone I can stand for more than a few seconds, you're forgiven."

Quinn smiles.

Daria said "Jim, in answer to your question, yes I am glad we went out tonight."

Jim smiles as they approach the Morgendorffer house. The car comes to a stop and Daria gets out.

* * *

 **Pizza King, the next day...**

Quinn and Stacy are having lunch. Little Chucky is next to Stacy in a baby carridge. Quinn is telling Stacy about the double date.

"...so in the end it all worked out. Daria met a guy that she hit it off with. I just wish I'd shown better judgment beforehand."

Stacy asked "Well, how could you have known he was a racist jerk?"

Quinn said "I pride myself on being able to read guys with ease. Back in high school I would've noticed something off."

"Quinn, you're not perfect, none of us are."

"I guess you're right."

Stacy said "Tell me about this other guy."

Quinn said "His name's Mark. He actually has a personality very similar to Daria's."

"So, Daria's living at home and has met a partner in crime. Like that song by Bowling For Soup says, high school never ends."

"Tell me about it."

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, that evening...**

Daria is in her room reading when the phone rings. She answers.

"Hello?"

On the other end, Mark said "Hey, Daria, it's Mark. Listen, if you're not doing anything tomorrow night..."

* * *

 **Next Time**

Quinn and Jim move out of their apartment and into a new house. There's just one problem: their next door neighbors are Kevin and Brittany.


	2. Disturbia

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Disturbia"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **A red brick two-story house with white siding on the upper half, day...**

There is a "For Sale by Bank" sign in the front yard. A Prius pulls into the driveway, which is on the right side. This is followed by Jim's 1987 Camaro IROC-Z. A woman with bobbed blonde hair wearing a business suit steps out of the Prius while Jim and Quinn emerge from the Camaro. The woman is a realtor. She said to the young couple "Well, here we are."

Jim said "Outside looks nice. How'd this house wind up on the market?"

The realtor explained "Bank foreclosed on it last year. It's been sitting vacant ever since. Asking price is $200,000.00."

Surprised, Quinn said "I figured a house this size in a clean neighborhood like this would be at least half a million."

This being 2009, the realtor explained "With the housing market the way it is now everything is dirt cheap, and only gonna get cheaper in the short term."

Jim deadpanned "Welcome to post crash America."

After stifling a giggle the realtor retrieves a set of keys out of her pocket.

"Let me show you the inside."

She unlocks the front door and let's Quinn and Jim in. The living room looks massive due to the abscence of any furnature. It is separated from the kitchen by a breakfast bar. To the right of the front door is a stairway leading up. The realtor explained "This is the kitchen and living room. As you can see, the kitchen is equipped with an oven and a walk in pantry. The sliding glass door allows easy access to the backyard."

The realtor leads Jim and Quinn past the stairs to the first opening on the right.

"Downstairs hallway."

They proceed down the hallway. The first entrance on the right leads to a descending flight of stairs.

"That leads to the basement, which includes a utility room, laundry room and rec room."

Impressed, Jim said "Nice. I can have a man cave."

The realtor points to the second door on the right.

"Office, and the door at the end leads to the garage."

They take glances inside before entering a door on the left. It leads to a dinning room. Like the kitchen, the dinning room had a sliding glass door that leads outside. It has a second door connecting it to the kitchen and living room. Cut to upstairs. Quinn and Jim are being shown the master bedroom, which includes a huge walk in closet and a bathroom with a walk in shower and granite counter tops. Cut to the backyard. There is a patio with a large swimming pool. The pool includes a jacuzzi. Finally, they are back out front.

The realtor asked "So, what do you guys think?"

Jim said "I like it. And there are plenty of spare rooms."

Quinn added "A huge plus since we wanna start a family at some point."

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, evening...**

Helen, Jake, Daria, Jim and Quinn are all seated at the kitchen table. Quinn and Jim are over for dinner. Jakes slips Storm a pice of food off of his plate. Making baby talk, Jake said "Who's a good doggie?"

Storm happily wags his tail. Quinn gives Jake a disapproving look.

"Da-ahd, do you have to overindulge him?"

"It's what grandfathers do."

Quinn decides not to press the issue.

"As I was saying, that house is perfect. We can afford mortgage payments, but I'm a little worried about the down payment."

Helen said "Don't be. Your father and I have sixty-thousand saved up in a special account, thirty for you and thirty for Daria. We wanted to help each of you out with your first home purchase."

Jim said "Perfect. We can use that for the down payment, put the rest in savings. With interest rates at record lows we should definitely go with a fixed rate."

Quinn said "So it's settled, then. I'll call the realtor tomorrow and tell her we'll take it."

Helen walks up and hugs Quinn.

"Your first home purchase. My little baby's all grown up."

Quinn looks embarrassed while Jim and Daria snicker.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's new house, day, one month later...**

The room is now fully furnished. Quinn and Jim are watching TV. On the TV screen Monsignor Martinez is praying at a church altar. A would be assassin sneaks up on him with a garrot wire. The killer's about to strike when the monsignor immediately jumps up and staggers the attacker with a spinning kick. Next, the bishop pulls out a 9mm handgun and aims it at the assailant.

"Vaya con Dios."

He shoots his attacker straight in the heart. Cut to Quinn and Jim.

Jim said "No one gets the drop on Monsignor Martinez."

Quinn said "I know. If priests and ministers were this badass in real life I'd actually go to church."

The doorbell rings. Both Quinn and Jim get up to answer. Once the door is open they both gasp. It's Kevin and Brittany. They have a six year old boy with them who looks like a mini-Kevin. The boy is their son, Ultra.

"HIIIII!" the three of them chanted in unison.

Kevin said "Like, welcome to the neighborhood."

Quinn and Jim now look like they're feeling some buyer's remorse.

* * *

 **The living room, a short time later...**

Ultra is playing with Storm while Kevin and Brittany are talking to Quinn and Jim.

Jim said "I thought you guys lived on the other side of town."

Brittany said "We did. The old house was nice when it was just me, Kevie and Ultra but it was too cramped once I had the twins. Then, when I got pregnant again, Daddy bought us the house next door."

Quinn asked "Speaking of which, where are your other three kids?"

Brittany explained "Beth, Lisa and little Angie are back at the house."

Quinn eyes Brittany with concern.

"Who's watching them?"

Kevin said "No one."

Brittany added "We figured since we're only going next door it was okay to leave Angie and the twins alone."

Quinn and Jim both roll there eyes. Quinn deadpanned "Why am I not surprised? After all, Kevin, it's not like they'll burn down the house like you did."

The sarcasm flying over her head, Brittany said "They're not allowed to play with matches."

Jim asked "What about alcohol? Did you put it out of reach?"

Kevin said "The twins are almost two and Angie's only a month old. They can't drink."

Quinn and Jim stare in disbelief at Kevin and Brittany's complete thoughtlessness. Quinn looks out the window. She sees two blonde toddlers playing in the middle of the street. Naturally, she's concerned, very concerned.

"Um, Are the twins allowed to play in the middle of the street?"

Brittany looks like she doesn't know the answer.

"I don't know. Are they, Kevie?"

Kevin scratches his head in a failed attempt to think.

"Ummm...uh...hmmm...uh...I don't know."

Quinn said "I only ask because they're playing in the street right now."

Kevin looks relieved.

"Oh, Cool. I guess they are allowed to play in the street."

Brittany said "Cool."

Jim rolls his eyes while Quinn stares in stunned disbelief. He asked them "What if they get hit by a car?"

A light, albeit a very dim one, goes off in Brittany's head.

"OH, GOD! KEVIE, YOU'VE GOTTA GET THEM!"

Kevin rushes out the door to get his twin daughters. Quinn, Jim and Brittany rush to the window. It turns out that rather than get the kids out of the street Kevin has joined in the fun and games. A car comes to a stop and honks his horn.

"GET OFF THE STREET, IDIOT!"

"Like, it's cool. I'm playing with my kids."

In the house Brittany looks embarrassed while Jim shakes his head and Quinn stares in wide eyed, open mouthed shock.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

 **Music:** "Our House" by Madness

In the kitchen Quinn and Jim are having Chuck, Stacy and Little Chucky over for dinner. Quinn is telling them about the incident earlier that day.

"...so I finally had to go out there and talked Kevin and his kids into playing in our front yard instead of the street. Jim had to keep an eye on them while Brittany and I went to check on their baby. Interesting way to greet new neighbors."

Chuck said "So you live next door to Kevin and Brittany now. You two have my condolences."

Quinn said "I can't believe how negligent those two are. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids."

Jim confessed "I have to admit, I found the experience mildly amusing."

Shocked at her fiancée's callousness, Quinn said "Jim, what if those girls got run over?"

"I'm not saying I condone that sort of thing. I just think it's funny how those two can be so stupid."

Quinn has a sudden memory of her childhood in Highland. She said "You think they're dumb, you should've seen the two... _shudder_...things that used to follow Daria around."

Stacy gives Quinn a curious look.

"What things?"

Quinn said "Two mentally retarded delinquents that my sister knew back in Texas."

Jim, who'd heard some stories about them over the years, said "You mean...What were their names again?"

"Beavis and Butt-Head. And before you ask, Stacy, yes, those were their actual names."

Stacy asked "How'd they get names like that?"

Quinn said "Their parents must've been on drugs. That's the only possible explanation for those two. They're the reason Daria's convinced there was uranium in the drinking water of that town."

They all laugh at that one.

* * *

 **Later, at a white, two-story stucco house next to Quinn and Jim's...**

 **Kevin:** (VO, from inside) But, babe...

 **Brittany:** (VO, from inside) NO BUTS, KEVIE. YOU ACTED LIKE AN IDIOT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

 **Kevin:** (VO, from inside) But...but...

There's the sound of someone hitting someone else.

 **Kevin:** (VO, from inside) OWWWWW!

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's bedroom, a short while later...**

Storm in asleep in his dog basket while Jim, wearing a wife-beater shirt, is in bed reading a book. Quinn emerges from the bathroom wearing a tank-top and panties. She climbs into bed next to Jim.

Quinn asked "What are you reading, hon?"

"A book about pool maintenance. I figure it might be useful since we now have a house with a swimming pool."

Quinn kisses Jim on the cheek.

"That's one more thing I love about you, babe. You're always thinking ahead."

The doorbell rings.

Jim said "Who could that be? It's almost midnight."

They put on bathrobes and go downstairs to the front door. Quinn and Jim open to find that it's Kevin. He looks sad.

"Uh, like, Brit threw me out. Can I crash here tonight?"

Quinn and Jim both frown. It's going to be a long night.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, the next morning...**

In the kitchen a visibly sleep-deprived Quinn in a bathrobe is making some coffee.

 _God, what a night. Listening to Kevin whine about his wife and talk up his high school days would drive anyone insane._

As Quinn pours her coffee the sound of splashing can be heard outside. Quinn looks out the window and sees Kevin swimming in the pool. She opens the sliding glass door and walks out. Kevin sees her.

"Oh, Hey, Quinn. I hope you don't mind me having a morning swim."

Quinn looks a little annoyed that he didn't ask permission from her or Jim to use the pool first. Kevin exits the pool and walks toward Quinn. Suddenly, Quinn gasps in shock. Kevin is completely naked. He walks toward her with a goofy grin on his face.

"Cool, I could use some coffee."

He takes Quinn's coffee mug out of her hand and chugs it down. Quinn is now upset. In an irritated voice, she said "That was my coffee."

"Sorry."

He hands the coffee back but there's none left. Quinn is now even more annoyed.

"Kevin, what the hell?"

He said "I felt like a swim but I didn't have a bathing suit."

"Did you ask for permission to use our pool?"

Kevin looks sheepish as he realizes he screwed up.

"Sorry."

Quinn said "Kevin, you're a guest in mine and Jim's home. If you want to use the pool, ask permission first. And second, wear a bathing suit. I don't wanna see your junk."

Kevin has a bashful smile.

"Sorry."

Still naked, Kevin walks toward the house. Quinn sees his clothes in a pile by the pool. She picks them up.

"Kevin, aren't you forgetting something."

Quinn tries to hand him his clothes.

Kevin said "Oh, Yeah! Could you, like, stick those in the wash for me? Thanks, babe."

A still naked Kevin walks into the house. Quinn is now absolutely livid.

 _UGH!_

* * *

 **The Coffee Snob, day...**

 **Music:** "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus

Quinn and Lindy are hanging out and having coffee. Quinn is telling Lindy about the incident with Kevin.

"...so Jim and I had to endure the sight of Kevin walking around the house naked while I did his laundry."

Lindy said "You're too nice to him. Maybe you should crack the whip more."

Quinn explained "No need. After his clothes were done Brittany came over and apologized for throwing him out. At least I won't have to endure another night of him sleeping under my roof."

"Why'd she kick him out in the first place?"

"She was embarrassed because he was playing with their kids in the middle of the street."

Sarcastic, Lindy said "Model parents, those two."

Quinn now looks a little concerned.

"To be honest, I kind of feel bad for the little guys. Their parents seem to constantly neglect them. What if something happens to those kids?"

Lindy suggested "You could call child services."

Quinn said "I'm not doing that. I don't have proof and even if I did I wouldn't break up that family. Kevin and Brittany genuinely love their kids. They're just really inept parents."

Lindy gets an idea. She said "If you're that concerned maybe you should check up once in a while, just to make sure everything's okay. The kids might even benefit from having an adult friend they can unload on."

Quinn looks thoughtful.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, afternoon...**

The front door opens and Quinn enters. She locks the door behind her.

"Jim, I'm home."

The only response is Storm running up to Quinn. Quinn pets him and scratches behind his ears.

"Hey, Storm. Where's Daddy?"

She walks into the kitchen and sees a note on the refridgerator. It reads:

"Quinn,

Went to gym then to supermarket. Be back in a little while.

Love,

Jim"

Quinn smiles until...

"HELP! HELP ME!"

Quinn hears slpashing and looks out the window. Six-year old Ultra Thompson is in the pool struggling to keep his head above water.

"HELP! HELP! PLEASE HELP!"

Quinn is horrified by what she sees.

"OHMYGOD!"

She imeediately opens the glass door and runs out to the pool. She dives right in and swims toward Ultra. Panicked, the boy struggles until...

"It's alright! I've got you. Hold on."

With Ultra holding on tight, Quinn swims to the edge. She hoists Ultra out of the pool before climbing out herself. Once she's out...

"Are you okay?"

Shaking, Ultra nods.

Quinn asked "What were you doing, anyway?"

Ultra said "I was bored so I wandered over here. I got too close to the pool and fell in."

Quinn said "It's okay. You know, it's not nice to go into someone else's back yard without asking first."

"B-but, Mom and Dad use this pool all the time."

Quinn explained "That was when no one lived here. Now that someone lives here it's not okay to do that."

Realizing he screwed up, Ultra hangs his head in shame.

"I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?"

Quinn reassured the boy.

"No, I'm not mad. You just made a mistake, that's all. Are your parents home?"

"Dad is, but Mom's with Mr. Johnson."

Quinn asked "Who's Mr. Johnson?"

"Dad says he's been helping Mom exercise."

Quinn decides not to press any further. She sees how scared Ultra is.

"How about before I take you home we get you in some dry clothes and I'll make you some cocoa?"

His face brightens.

"Sure! Thanks, Miss Morgendorffer."

Quinn smiles.

"Call me Quinn."

Ultra smiles.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's kitchen, a short time later...**

Quinn and Ultra are at the table having cocoa. Ultra is wearing one of Jim's t-shirts and Quinn's old pajama bottoms while his clothes are in the dryer.

"This is good, Quinn. Thanks."

"You're welcome.

She takes a sip of her cocoa.

"So, how's school? What grade are you in?"

"First. It's fine."

Before the conversation can continue the doorbell rings.

Quinn said "I need to get that. Stay put."

Quinn walks to the door. It's Kevin.

"Have you seen Ultra? I was watching the game and he, like, disappeared."

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

 **Music:** "Round And Round" by Selena Gomez

Quinn and Jim are on the living room sofa. Quinn is telling Jim about what happened.

"...so I told Kevin what happened and he said Ultra should know better."

Jim said "Sounds like you hit it off with the kid."

Quinn said "Yeah. Apparently, he never told Ultra not to wander into other peoples yards because he just assumed Ultra would know because he's smart. I tried to explain that as smart as Ultra is he's still only six, but it all seemed to fly over Kevin's head. That boy's smarter than his parents."

"Quinn, a lobotomized monkey is smarter than Kevin and Brittany. You sure Ultra's not adopted?"

"Given that he looks just like Kevin, I'm pretty sure the answers no."

"I guess some things really are beyond our knowledge."

Quinn giggles at the obvious reference to her "guardian angel" phase in high school. It's a story Jim's been told. Her expression turns serious.

Quinn said "Truth be told, I kind of feel bad for Ultra. He's intelligent but growing up in an environment that doesn't nurture that sort of thing."

Bitterly recalling his own childhood, Jim said "I know what that's like. I went through the same thing growing up."

The doorbell rings multiple times in rapid succession.

Quinn said "Who could that be?"

They both go to the door and open it. It's Ultra. He's crying and looks terrified.

Quinn asked "Ultra, what's wrong?"

"I'm scared. Mom and Dad are fighting!"

Quinn and Jim both look concerned.

* * *

 **Kevin and Brittany's house, a short time later...**

Quinn and Jim are at the front door. They can hear Kevin and Brittany arguing.

"YOU JERK!"

"BUT, BABE..."

There's the sound of an object being thrown and hitting something.

"OWWWWW!"

Quinn covers Ultra's ears and tries to soothe him.

"Don't worry, Ultra. It'll be okay".

Jim rings the doorbell. Kevin answers. He has a fresh black eye.

"Jim, what're you doing here?"

* * *

 **Kevin and Brittany's living room...**

Quinn and Jim are now trying to mediate a dispute between Kevin and Brittany.

Jim said "...so, since your son showed up at our house frightened out of his mind I have just one question. What's going on here?"

Scowling, Brittany said "I'm married to a thoughtless jerk, that's what's going on?"

Kevin said "Babe, I told you I didn't know Ultra went over there."

Brittany said "Because you were watching the game instead of the kids."

"But, babe..."

Brittany gets right in Kevin's face.

"He fell in Quinn and Jim's pool. He almost drowned."

"But he didn't."

"Because Quinn saved him, you jerk!"

She's about to punch Kevin when...

"ENOUGH!"

Quinn's outburst get's their attention.

"You two are acting like kids. Have you even considered what kind of a poor example you're setting as parents?"

Kevin and Brittany now look guilty.

Quinn said "That's what I thought. Look, you need to keep an eye on your kids. Make sure they know what's okay and not okay. Seeing you yell and throw things at each other just sends a message that it's okay to do that to people. Keep an eye on the kids, make sure they can't get out of the house on their own and let them know that it's not alright to trespass on other people's property. I've already told Ultra those things but you need to tell the rest of your kids that stuff."

Kevin and Brittany seem to get it.

"Kevie, I'm sorry I got mad and hit you."

"It's cool. I'm sorry I wasn't keeping an eye on the kids."

Quinn looks satisfied.

* * *

 **Pizza King, the next day...**

Quinn and Lindy are having lunch. Quinn is telling her about the latest incident with Kevin and Brittany.

"...so we finally got them to make up and hopefully they'll take my advice to heart."

Lindy said "Looks like taking care of your neighbors is getting to be a full time job."

Quinn said "It's a good thing Jim and I are both YouTuber's. Flexible hours and the ability to work from home go a long way when you live next door to the Thompsons. It's less like two parents and four kids and more like six kids without any adult supervision over there."

Lindy joked "You could shoot a video of that family and send it to "Sick, Sad World"."

Quinn giggles.

"I wouldn't do that. Those kids have it bad enough without the public humiliation. I just hope there isn't any more drama for awhile. Whenever we resolve one issue another one just pops up to replace it."

Lindy said "That's life for ya."

Quinn said "I can handle my own drama. I just can't seem to avoid being sucked into everyone else's. It gets annoying fast."

Lindy decides to change the subject.

"So, what's Jim up to today?"

"He ordered some custom exhausts for his car and they arrived today. He's making an instructional video on how to install them."

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house...**

The garage door is open. Jim is working on his Camaro. A tripod mounted camcorder is filming.

"They finally arrived."

He opens the large package. Inside are chrome exhausts. Jim holds them up to the camera. He said "Today, I'm going to show you how to install custom exhausts on a car. The car in question is my trusty 1987 IROC-Z. The exhausts are Borla chrome racing exhausts. These babies will make my Camaro sound like a beast."

Jim slides a huge jack under the car.

"To begin with, let's get this baby jacked up."

He jacks up the Camaro.

"Now, we're gonna put a jack stand under there."

Jim places a jack stand under the car.

"Now that that's done, release the jack."

He releases the jack.

"Now, we go to the other side of the car and jack that up."

Cut to later on. The car has a total of eight jack stands holding it up. Two on each side and two holding up each axle. Jim talks to the camera.

"Remember, when you do this always make sure the weight of the car is evenly distributed on the stands. An uneven distribution can result in the car crushing you while you're working on it."

Cut to a montage. First, a shot of Jim removing the old exhausts from the catalyitic converter. Next, a shot of Jim attaching the new exhausts. Final shot is of Jim applying chrome polish to the new exhausts.

* * *

Jim finish lowering the car. Cut back to outside and pan a few houses to the left. A yellow SUV is coming up the street. Cut to inside. Kevin is driving while Brittany is in the passenger seat.

Brittany said "Thanks for taking me shopping today, Kevie."

"Aw, Babe. You're, like worth it."

They kiss while Kevin continues to drive and NOT watch the road. Cut back to Quinn and Jim's garage. Jim is talking to the camera.

"Now that we're done let's fire this baby up."

Jim pulls his car keys out of his pocket. Cut to the street and we see Kevin's SUV coming up real fast on an elderly woman who's walking across. Cut to inside the SUV and we see Kevin and Brittany still kissing. They are unaware of the old woman until they break the kiss. Brittany suddenly gasps. Cut to her POV and we see that they are about to run the woman over. Cut to third person.

"KEVIN, WATCH OUT!"

Kevin sees the old woman and panic's.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

He floors it and takes a sharp left turn. He misses the old woman and tears across Jim and Quinn's lawn. As Jim is in the garage getting into his car he looks up. He sees Kevin's SUV approaching fast and is terrified.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

He jumps back and out of the way just in time. Kevin's SUV slams into Jim's Camcro at high speed and crashes it through the wall. The impact knocks the wall down and brings Kevin's SUV to a stop. Jim's Camaro is completely destroyed. Jim stars in wide eyed, open mouthed horror. Kevin and Brittany emerge from the SUV a little shaken but otherwise unharmed.

"Um, Sorry."

Jim has an expression of rage on his face so intense that his right eye is twitching. The car he's had since high school, the car he's put so many years into restoring and tricking out, the car he has over a decade of sentimental attachment to is now completely destroyed. It was like witnessing the murder of his own child. Jim snaps.

"YOU GODDAMN, MOTHERF&#%ING IDIOT! I'LL KILL YOU!"

He lunges at Kevin and starts to strangle him.

* * *

 **A short time later...**

Quinn's car is coming up the road. She's driving while Lindy is in the passenger seat. Quinn said "I can't wait to show you my house. You wanna stay for dinner."

Lindy said "Quinn, I'd love to."

At this point, Quinn sees a crowd in her driveway.

"What the hell!?"

She parks her car on the side of the street. She and Lindy get out and walk up the driveway. They both gasp in horror. Inside the garage the back wall is knocked down, Jim's car is totaled, Kevin's SUV is banged up, Kevin is pinned under Jim, Jim's beating Kevin senseless and Brittany is hitting Jim's back and shoulders but Jim is too focused on Kevin to notice.

"LEAVE...KEVY...ALONE.."

Jim continues to beat Kevin down.

"YOU..."

"OW"

"DESTROYED..."

"OW"

"MY..."

"OW."

"CAR..."

"MORON..."

"ALL..."

"THOSE..."

"YEARS..."

"DOWN..."

"THE..."

"DRAIN..."

Kevin tries to shield his face from Jim's blows.

"OOOWWWWWWW..."

Quinn looks absolutely horrified while Lindy looks like she doesn't know what to say.

Lindy said "Um...Home, sweet home?"

Quinn buries her face in her right hand out of embarrassment.

"Unfortunately."

* * *

 **Next Time**

Jim get's a new car. And wait until you meet Sandi's new girlfriend.


	3. Strange Love

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by ashot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Strange Love"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Carbone House, Long Island, New York, 1996, day...**

In the living room Jim Carbone is opening presents in front of his parents, Tony and Gina. Also present are his brother, Chris, and his Uncle, Vito. It's Jim's sixteenth birthday. Jim opens one. It's a video game.

"Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3! Thanks, Chris."

Chris said "No problem, baby bro."

Jim rolls his eyes. While he and Chris are starting to get along better Jim still finds it annoying when Chris calls him that.

Vito said "Hey, Jimmy, open mine next."

Jim asked "Which one is it?"

With a sly grin, Vito said "It's outside."

Cut to outside. A blue 1987 Camaro IROC-Z in need of restoration is parked in the driveway. It's Vito's car. The rest of the family is standing there while Vito has a sly grin.

Jim asked "Where is it?"

Pointing to his Camaro, Vito said "You're lookin' at it."

Everyone gasps. Vito hands the keys to a stunned Jim.

"You...You're giving me your old car."

Vito said "Well, you're old enough to drive, aren't ya? What else would I give youse? Granted, it needs a little restoration, but you're smart enough to figure it out."

Jim hugs his uncle.

"Thanks, Uncle Vito."

"Don' mention it, kid."

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, Lawndale, New Jersey, 2009, day...**

In the home office Quinn is on the phone at her desk while Jim is sitting at his desk looking depressed. He just stares at an object in his hands. Close up shows it to be a large joystick with a leather eight ball on top. It's the gearshift from his old Camaro, the one Kevin destroyed. Jim stares at the old shifter and looks like a parent grieving the loss of a child. Quinn, meanwhile, is arguing on the phone.

"What do you mean it's not covered!? A whole section of the wall was destroyed...No, it wasn't a natural disaster...No, it wasn't criminal activity...Look, my idiot neighbor crashed his SUV into my garage. He took out the wall AND destroyed my fiancee's car..."

Jim lets out a grieved sigh as Quinn continues to argue on the phone. She said "Don't you give me that. I have the contract right here in front of me...Hold up your end or the next time you hear from me it'll be through a lawyer...Glad you finally see the light of reason...Pleasure doing business."

She hangs up and breathes a sigh of relief.

"For a moment there I thought I was gonna have to sic Mom on him."

She looks over at Jim and sees how thoroughly depressed he is. She walks over to him and rubs his shoulders.

"Jim, honey, I know you're upset about your car being destroyed, but isn't this a bit much?"

Jim explained "You don't understand, Quinn. I've had that car since I was sixteen. I spent several months restoring it. Over the years I've made several modifications to improve both the speed and handling. Add to that all of the fond memories. Nearly thirteen years of blood, sweat, tears and memories destroyed in the blink of an eye. It was like witnessing the murder of my own child."

Quinn tries to cheer him up.

"Try looking at it this way: you collect the insurance money and get a new car with it. I'll even take you car shopping tomorrow. In the meantime, try to put on a happy face tonight."

Jim looks puzzled.

"What's happening tonight?"

Quinn said "Sandi has a new girlfriend and we're meeting her on a double date. Try not to dwell on this and just have a good time. Please?"

Jim nods. Quinn kisses him on the cheek.

"Thanks, babe. You're the best."

She kisses him again.

* * *

 **Governoer's Park restaurant, evening...**

 **Music:** "According To You" by Orianthi

Quinn and Jim are outside waiting for Sandi and her new girlfriend to arrive. Soon, a red 2007 Mustang GT pulls into a parking lot. Sandi emerges from the passenger side. From the driver's side emerges an olive skinned beauty with black hair styled in a manner similar to Quinn's. When Quinn saw them, she said "There they are."

Jim noticed Sandi's new girlfriend and was impressed.

"Whoa! Sandi's girlfriend is hot."

Sandi and her girlfriend walk up to Quinn and Jim. Sandi said "Quinn, Jim, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Danielle Todds."*

*( **A/N:** I'm assuming legendelds permission for anyone to use this character still stands.)

"Danny, these are my good friends. Quinn Morgendorffer and Jim Carbone."

Danielle shakes Quinn's hand.

"Pleasure to meet you, Miss Morgendorffer."

"Please, Danielle, call me Quinn. Besides, it's going to be Mrs. Carbone in a few months anyway."

The exotic beauty said "Okay, Quinn. And please, call me Danny."

Danny next turns her attention to Jim.

"So, Jim, you and Quinn are getting married, huh?"

They shake hands. Jim said "So it seems." Jokingly, he added "You aren't gonna try to steal me away, are you?"

Danny laughs.

"I doubt it. Sandi's the bi one. I'm a full blown lesbian with zero interest in guys."

They all laugh. Quinn and Sandi aren't the least bit threatened by Jim's flirtation because they know it's all talk with him.

* * *

 **The inside of the restaurant, a short time later...**

All four are seated at a table. Danny is telling the story of how she and Sandi met.

"...so I was shopping at Cashmans and I saw Sandi there. I recognized her because I'd seen her dancing at Cafe Risque a few nights earlier. I just went right up to her and struck up a conversation. We hit it off and everything progressed from there."

Sandi said "She didn't tell me that she recognized me from Cafe Risque until our second date, though."

With a shrug, Danny said "I didn't wanna make things awkward so I kept my mouth shut until we'd established a connection."

Hopeful, Quinn said "So, it doesn't bother you that she's an exotic dancer?"

Danny said "Not at all. Especially since I'm well aware of Cafe Risque's strict look but don't touch policy. Truth be told, Sandi and I have a lot in common. We have a love of all things fashionable."

Sandi smiles.

"Isn't she great?"

Quinn and Jim nod approvingly. It's been a long time since Sandi's been this happy.

Danny said "So, Quinn, I'd ask what you do but I already follow your YouTube channel. Those recipes and makeup tips really help."

Quinn blushes from the praise. Not only is Danny really cool, but she's a fan of "Smores 'n' Pores". They continue to make small talk. Danny gives Quinn a lustful look, but no one notices.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, a few days later...**

In the living room Quinn and Jim are getting ready to leave. Quinn asked "So, are you excited about looking for a new car?"

Jim said "A little. Are you sure you wanna do this? I can get one of the guys to give me a ride."

Smiling, Quinn said "Jim, I promised you we'd go car shopping. I can probably flirt the dealer into selling below MSRP."

Jim looks thoughtful when the doorbell rings. Quinn asked "Who could that be?"

She answers the door. It's Sandi and Danny. Quinn said "Guys, what's going on?"

Sandi said "Danny and I were going to go shopping when she got a terrific idea."

Danny said "I figured since you and Sandi are such good friends we should get to know each other a little better. So I suggested we swing by here and ask if you'd like to join us."

Quinn said :Guys, I'd like to but I promised to take Jim car shopping today. Kevin destroyed his Camaro."

It readily became apparent that neither Sandi nor Danny were willing to take no for an answer. Sandi said "So, bring him along."

Danny added "Yeah, my car has a back seat. It might be a little cramped but it'll work."

Jim approaches.

"What's going on?"

Ignoring him while some of her old haughtiness returns, Sandi said "Come on, Kuh-winn. We've hardly hung out since you moved."

Danny added "Yeah, it'll be fun."

Quinn looks unsure. Feeling the pressure, she turns to Jim.

"Jim, slight change of plans. We're going with Sandi and Danny?"

Jim is taken aback.

"But, Quinn..."

Before he could get another word out, Danny said "We'll stop at the car dealership first."

Sandi pleaded "Come on."

Quinn finally bows to peer pressure.

"Okay. Let's go, Jim."

Jim frowns at the prospect of riding in the back of a Mustang.

* * *

 **A Parking lot at a car dealership...**

Danny's Mustang pulls into a parking space. Danny emerges from the driver's side while Sandi emerges from the passenger side. Quinn emerges from the passenger side after Sandi while Jim emerges from the driver's side in record time. He tries to stretch out the kinks in his joints. After all, Mustangs and Camaros have notoriously small backseats.

 _I felt like a damn sardine in there._

Oblivious to Jim's displeasure, Danny said "Well, here we are."

Jim scans the lot for something that catches his eye. He spots a possibility. The car is a Chevy SS Sedan. He walks over but out of the corner of his eye sees the girls getting back in the Mustang. Now slightly annoyed, Jim asked "Where are you going!?"

Sandi haughtily replied "Shopping, duh."

Jim is taken aback.

"You three are just leaving me here!"

Danny said "It's not like you're gonna need a ride back."

"But what if I don't buy a car?"

Quinn visibly feels guilty.

"Guys, maybe he's right. If he winds up not buying a car he'll need a ride home."

Dismissive, Sandi said "So? He can just call you on his cell if that's the case."

Danny added "She's right, Quinn. Come on, the mall awaits."

Feeling bad about giving her fiancée the cold shoulder Quinn said "Maybe I should stay with Jim."

Danny pulls out her trump card.

"Quinn, what's more fun? Helping your fiancee buy a car or shopping with your best friend and her girlfriend?"

Sandi said "She's right, Quinn. When's the last time we had a girls day out?"

Feeling the pressure, Quinn turns to Jim.

Not sounding convincing, Jim said "I'll be fine."

Quinn joins Sandi and Danny. As she gets into Danny's car Danny stares at her ass, but no one notices.

 _Damn, she's hot._

Danny shakes her head.

 _Stop it! She's straight and I already have a girlfriend._

Danny's car drives off. Suddenly, there's a clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Jim is now being rained on and he's not happy.

"I can't freaking believe this."

* * *

 **Lawndale Mall, a short time later...**

 **Music:** "California Gurls" by Katy Perry

Quinn, Sandi and Danny are walking through the mall looking at stores. Sandi and Danny are holding hands and exchanging affectionate glances, not even trying to hide the fact that they're a lesbian couple. (Or a girl-girl couple where one is a lesbian and the other is bi.) Quinn looks guilty.

Sandi said "So, which store should we check out first?"

Danny said "You pick, lover."

Sandi turned to Quinn.

"Quinn, any ideas?"

Quinn doesn't answer. Sandi loses her patience.

"Earth to Quinn?"

Quinn snaps out of it.

"Sorry. I was just thinking about Jim. I feel bad about leaving him there. Especially since it's raining."

Dismissive, Sandi said "Quinn, it's not like we left him stranded in the woods."

Quinn said "No, but it was still inconsiderate to blow him off to go shopping. I did promise to help him buy a new car after all."

Danny said "Now that I think about it we were pretty thoughtless. Maybe we should find some way to make it up to him."

Danny scans the area. She spots a lingerie store called "Madamme Amour".

"I've got an idea. Come on."

* * *

 **Madamme Amour, a short time later...**

Danny, Sandi and Quinn are going through the racks. Danny holds up a hot lacy red bra with matching thong panties.

"How about this one, Quinn? One look at you in this sexy number will get Jim to forgive anything."

Sandi said "She's right, Quinn. You'd look irresistibly sexy in that."

She turns to Danny, her voice taking on a seductive tone.

"Not as sexy as you, though."

Danny blushes.

"Come here, hottie."

Danny and Sandi start to make out. Danny gives Sandi's ass a squeeze, which causes Sandi to moan into Danny's mouth. The public display of affection makes Quinn a little uncomfortable.

"Um...guys...We're in public. You might wanna tone it down a little."

Danny and Sandi release each other. They look a little embarrassed.

Sandi said "Sorry about that."

Danny added "Yeah. I guess we got a little carried away."

Quinn picks up the bra and panty set that Danny dropped when she started making out with Sandi. She gives it a quick glance.

"I'll buy it."

Sandi said "You have to model it for us at some point, Quinn."

Danny added "Yeah, we'd love to see you in it." as she thought _And I'd love to peel it off of you._

Danny shakes her head.

 _I did NOT just think that._

* * *

 **Sandi's apartment building, evening...**

 **Music:** "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa

 **Danny:** (VO from inside) "Ohhh...yes...Oh...right there...uh...huh..Oh, Sandi...Mmmmmm...yes...YES...OH, QUINN, YES..."

 **Sandi:** (VO from inside) "WHAT!?"

* * *

 **Sandi's apartment, a short time later...**

Danny and Sandi are on the couch. Danny is zipping her pants up while Sandi looks pissed.

"Sandi, I said I was sorry."

Sandi said "You called me Quinn while I was going down on you. What the hell!?"

Danny said "I didn't mean anything by it, honest. It just slipped out."

In an accusing tone, Sandi asked "Are you attracted to her?"

Danny looks taken aback.

"What!?"

"Answer me!"

Danny sighs.

"Yes."

Sandi eyes her girlfriend with suspicion and waits for an explanation.

Danny said "Look, I developed a slight crush on her while watching her YouTube channel. When you introduced us I couldn't help being attracted to her. I'll get over it."

Dismissive, Sandi said "Whatever."

Danny pleaded "Come on, don't be like that. Haven't you ever had a celebrity crush?"

Sandi explained "Yes, but this is different. Quinn isn't some unattainable Hollywood heartthrob. We actually know her."

"Look, Sandi, I know Quinn's straight. That makes her just as unattainable. I'm with you, not her."

"Do you have any idea how awkward this is for me? My girlfriend has a crush on my best friend."

Understanding, Danny said "I get it. Look, I'm interested in you. My feelings for Quinn are an unattainable fantasy, nothing more. I want you."

Doubtful, Sandi said "How can I be sure?"

Danny smiles seductively.

"If I wasn't into you, would I do this?"

Danny grabs Sandi, pulls her onto her lap and kisses her passionately.

"Mmmmmmmmm."

Sandi is only shocked for a moment before she kisses Danny back with equal passion.

"mmmmmmm...mmmmm."

The kiss breaks and they stare into each other's eyes. Finally, Sandi said "Wanna stay the night? You, me, my bed, no clothes and probably not much actual sleep either."

Danny said "You read my mind, sexy."

Sandi leads Danny to her bedroom. Both girls shed their shirts along the way.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, the next day...**

Danny walks up to the front door. She rings the bell.

 _I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm irresistably drawn to her._

Quinn opens the door.

"Hi, Danny. What's going on?"

Danny said "I was in the neighborhood and figured I'd check on you and Jim. Did that lingerie do the trick?"

Quinn said "I never got the chance to show it to him."

Danny looks puzzled.

"How come?"

Quinn said "He was more upset than I realized. When I tried to apologize we got into a fight and he slept on the couch."

Danny said "Ouch. Is he here? I'd actually like to apologize to him too."

"He got a call from Happy Herb's car dealership this morning. He said they have a business proposition for him. He rushed off to meet them right after that."

Danny asked "You didn't go with him?"

Quinn said "I offered and he said no. I guess he's still upset about yesterday. Hopefully, by the time he gets back he'll have calmed down enough to make up."

Danny thought _God, she's beautiful._ as she said "He should. You two are such a great couple."

Guilty, Quinn said "I can't say I blame him for being upset. We did kind of give him the cold shoulder."

Danny puts a hand on Quinn's shoulder.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Sure. Come on in."

Quinn lets Danny into the house.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's living room...**

Quinn and Danny are sitting on the couch. Quinn is telling Danny about her fight with Jim.

"...and then he told me he can't stand my breath in the morning."

Scrunching her nose, Danny said "Ew."

Quinn said "I know, it was so childish."

Danny reassured Quinn "I wouldn't get too worked up about it, though. This sounds like one of those minor spats all couples have. It'll probably fizzle out on it's own."

"I hope so."

Quinn now wants to change the subject.

"So, how's Sandi?"

Danny said "She's good. I actually slept over at her place last night."

Quinn has a sly smile.

"You didn't do much sleeping, did you?"

"Nope."

They exchange knowing grins. Quinn said "I'm glad she found you. She's been through so much over the years. She deserves some happiness for a change."

Danny said "I know. She told me how her family disowned her after she came out as bi."

Quinn asked "What about you? Does your family know you're a lesbian?"

Danny said "They know. My parents are okay with it. My sister, on the other hand, not so much."

Quinn looks a little guilty.

"I see. I'm sorry."

Danny asked "What about you? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Quinn answered "One sister, Daria. We didn't have the best relationship growing up?"

"How come?"

Quinn explained "We were complete opposites. I was always very outgoing while she was a loner who preferred books to socializing. All of the other kids thought she was weird. I was so embarrassed that I claimed to be an only child."

"Ouch."

Quinn continued "I eventually stopped doing that. As I got older I came to realize just how much my family means to me. Daria and I get along great now. We've long since buried the hatchet. She's one of my best friends."

Danny has a hopeful smile.

"Maybe someday my sister will learn to accept me too."

Quinn puts a sympathetic hand on Danny's shoulder. Speaking from experience, she said "I'm sure she loves you, Danny, even if she can't bring herself to admit it."

Danny smiles.

* * *

 **Happy Herb's car dealership...**

In the office Jim is seated in front of Herb's desk. Herb said "I heard you were in the market for a new car. By the way, I've seen your YouTube channel."

Jim said "You have?"

Grinning, Herb said "Yes. Did you see that silver 2010 Camaro SS in my showroom?"

"I did. It's a nice car."

Herb said "I want you to have it."

Curious, Jim said "You want to sell me a brand new Camaro SS?"

Herb grins.

"Actually, I wanna give it to you for free."

Jim's eyes go wide and his jaw drops.

"What!? If this is a joke it isn't funny."

Herb said "No joke. Here's the deal. I give you the car in exchange for you agreeing to feature it in one of your videos. It's the best advertising I can get at the moment."

Jim said "So, you're offering me the car as part of a sponsorship deal?"

With a huge smile, Herb said "Exactly. One video where you feature the car and say where you got it and the car's yours. Any subsequent videos where you mention Happy Herb's will earn you direct monetary compensation."

Jim studies Herbs face for a moment.

"You're actually serious, aren't you?"

Herb pulls some paperwork out of his desk.

"I have the contract right here."

Jim grins. This is a dream come true.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, some time later...**

 **Music:** "I'm So Into You" by Tamia

In the living room Quinn and Danny are still making conversation.

Danny said "You're kidding. You actually had three guys lusting after you all through high school."

Quinn said "Afraid so. I encouraged it because I liked the attention."

In a flirtatious tone, Danny said "They probably didn't need that much encouragement. After all, you're beautiful."

Quinn smiles.

"Thanks. And thanks for listening to me about my problems."

Danny said "My pleasure. You're a wonderful person to know."

Not noticing the signals, Quinn said "So are you, Danny. So are you."

Danny leans in closer.

"You're beautiful, smart, funny and caring."

She leans in some more. Quinn begins to feel a little uncomfortable.

"I like you, Quinn. Any man, or woman, would be lucky to have you."

Danny and Quinn's faces are almost toughing at this point. Danny said "I think you're the most incredible woman I've ever seen. You're an angel."

Danny kisses Quinn on the lips. Quinn is too shocked to respond. In fact, when Danny slips in some tongue Quinn opens her mouth on reflex. She and Danny are making out by the time Quinn regains her senses. Once the shock subsides Quinn shoves Danny off of her.

"Danny, what the hell!?"

Danny, realizing she's just crossed a major line, said "Quinn, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me just now."

Quinn explained "Danny, I'm straight. Even if I were into girls there's the fact that I'd be betraying both Jim and Sandi if I hooked up with you."

"I know."

Danny hangs her head and sighs. Finally, she explained "Quinn, I have a confession to make. When I first started watching your videos I felt an instant attraction to you. I wrote it off as a celebrity crush. Then I started dating Sandi and finding out she was friends with you made my heart skip a beat. I thought I could handle it but I can't. I can't help it, I want you."

Quinn sits there in stunned silence. She really doesn't know what to say. It turns out she doesn't have to say anything. Picking up her purse, Danny said "I think I'd better go now."

"That'd probably be best."

Without another word Danny walks out of the house. Once she's gone Quinn picks up the phone and dials a number.

"Hey, Sandi, it's Quinn...Look, there's something you need to know. You might wanna sit down for this."

* * *

 **A small house in Lawndale, evening...**

Danielle Todds paces nervously around her living room and thinks.

 _How could I be so stupid? I know she's not into girls and what do I do? I kiss her. I kissed my girlfriend's best friend. What do I tell Sandi? In fact, how do I feel about Sandi? Did I get in a relationship with her just to have access to Quinn?_

At this point, the doorbell rings. Danny answers. It's Sandi and she's pissed.

"Sandi, I..."

Before she can get another word out Sandi slaps her so hard that she falls to the floor.

"HOW COULD YOU!? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!? WITH MY BEAST FRIEND!?"

Panicked, Danny said "I DIDN'T MEAN TO, IT JUST HAPPENED!"

Enraged at the possibility of a double betrayal, Sandi screamed "HOW COULD SHE!?"

"SHE SHOVED ME OFF OF HER, SHE WANTED NO PART OF IT! THE BLAME'S ALL MINE!"

A few moments later, after they've both calmed down, Sandi and Danny are on the couch. Danny said "Sandi, I'm truly sorry. If I could take it all back I would."

Deeply hurt, Sandi said "You told me it was just a celebrity crush, that you wouldn't do anything. Next thing I know Quinn calls me out of the blue and tells me you kissed her."

"I know, I was stupid. I never wanted to hurt you, I swear."

"I told you on our first date that I knew Quinn, the same Quinn you clearly have a thing for. Is this whole relationship just to get to her?"

Danny sighs. She explained "I've been asking myself that same question and I honestly don't know. I like to think what I feel for you is real and meeting my celebrity crush is just a bonus. But what if I'm kidding myself? What if I'm just in denial because I don't wanna accept that this makes me a selfish manipulator? Have I been manipulating myself?"

With an anguished voice, Sandi said "And?"

Danny answered "I don't know. I thought I did, but the more I think about it the more confused I become."

Sandi looks devastated.

"I...see."

Danny takes a deep breath.

"I think we should break up. I can't be in a relationship where I have a crush on my girlfriend's best friend. It's just too awkward and confusing."

Sandi says nothing but looks very thoughtful.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Jim and Quinn are sitting on the living room couch. Jim has just told her about his experience at the car dealership. Quinn can hardly contain her excitement.

"OHMYGOD! You got a new car and an endorsement deal!"

Jim said "Yep. In exchange for a few name drops I get a free Camaro and money. Not a bad deal. By the way, sorry I was so pissy last night."

"That's okay, Jim. I deserved it. I shouldn't have blown you off to go shopping with friends. Forgive me?"

"Of course."

They kiss. After the kiss, Jim asked "So, how was your day?"

Quinn awkwardly said "Sandi's girlfriend, Danny, came over...and kissed me."

Jim's eyes go wide.

"You're not kidding."

Quinn shakes her head. Jim jokingly said "I don't know whether to feel jealous or turned on." More serious, he asked "Did you tell Sandi?"

"I did."

"How'd she take it?"

Before Quinn can answer the doorbell rings. Quinn and Jim both answer the door. It's Sandi, and she looks sad.

"Quinn, I need to talk to you...alone."

Understanding, Jim said "I'll take Storm for a walk."

He gets the leash.

"Hey, Storm. Here boy."

Jim puts the leash on the dog and leaves. Once he's gone Sandi comes in and closes the door behind her.

Quinn said "Look, I didn't mean to do anything. I shoved Danny off when she kissed me."

With a sigh, Sandi said "I know. Danny and I broke up."

Quinn said "Sandi, I'm so sorry."

Sandi wipes a tear off her cheek.

"This always happens to me. I think my life is finally turning around only to get knocked right back where I started."

Remembering the love triangle between her sister, Jane and Tom ten years earlier, Quinn nervously asked "Um...Are we still friends?"

Sandi sighs.

"To be honest, that's what I need to talk about. This whole thing is just awkward. I don't blame you for what happened but I still need time to get over it."

Fearing the worst, Quinn asked "Sandi, what are you saying?"

Sandi confirms Quinn's fears.

"We can't be friends anymore. At least not for a while."

Quinn is devastated to hear this.

"B...But, Sandi..."

Sandi said "It's nothing against you, Quinn. You were there for me at times when everyone else turned me away. The plain fact is, however, I need time to get over this. I can't do that when I have someone in my life who's a constant reminder of this latest hurt."

Quinn gets this. She hopes this is just a temporary hiatus like Daria and Jane during the Tom thing.

"I...I understand. Is this forever, or just for now?"

Sandi said "Hopefully, just for now. When I'm ready to be friends with you again I'll let you know. In the meantime, I want nothing to do with you."

Sandi hugs Quinn.

"In case this really is the end I want you to know that I'll never forget you."

Quinn said "And I'll never forget you."

"Goodbye, Quinn."

"Goodbye, Sandi."

The hug ends and Sandi walks out the door. Quinn looks devastated. A tear starts to roll down her cheek.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

1)Danielle "Danny" Todds created by legendeld. When he left the fandom he graciously left a blank check for anyone to use the character. I assume that still stands. If I'm wrong then I apologize. Thanks to legendeld for creating this character.

2) The original scriptfic I posted on PPMB had two scenes I cut from this version because, one, they made the episode too long and, two, they didn't really advance the story anyway.

 **Next Time**

Jim, Chuck and Mack go hunting. Kevin tags along. What could possibly go wrong?


	4. Hunters and Lingerie

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Hunters and Lingerie"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Quinn and Jim's house, day...**

In the garage Jim is oiling a Remington 700 rifle when Quinn enters.

"Hey, Jim. What's with the rifle?"

Jim said "Mack invited me and Chuck to go deer hunting this weekend."

Quinn looks concerned.

"What is it with guys and killing animals?"

Shrugging, Jim said "What? I like to hunt."

Quinn said "But think about those poor deer."

Jim rolls his eyes.

"Quinn, I know you're not a vegetarian. I've seen you eat meat before."

Quinn said "I know, but I didn't kill it."

Jim explained "Someone had to. Last time you ate a hamburger, you think that cow died of old age?"

Quinn looks thoughtful.

"I guess you're right. I still don't like it."

Jim said "That's why I didn't invite you. Chuck isn't bringing Stacy along for the same reason." After a brief pause, he added "Also, this is more about male bonding anyway."

Quinn looks thoughtful. Jim gives his rifle a quick once over.

"Well, this baby's clean and ready to go. I'm gonna take it over to Mack's real quick. We're using his truck."

He kisses Quinn on the cheek and leaves.

* * *

 **A small one-story house in Lawndale, day...**

The garage door is open. Jim, Mack and Chuck are in there loading their gear into Macks pickup truck. Mack said "I can't wait to be out in the woods. An excursion into the great outdoors is just what we need."

Just then, Kevin pulls up in his SUV. He steps out and approaches them.

"Jim, Upchuck, Mack Daddy! What's up?"

"Hey, Kevin, and quit calling me that."

Mack's request, as usual, goes in one ear and out the other.

"So, what's going on, Mack Daddy?"

Mack groans. Chuck said "Mack's taking us hunting this weekend."

Kevin's eyes light up.

"Cool! I've always wanted to go hunting."

Mack immediately said "Kevin, you're not going."

Kevin looks a little hurt.

"Why not?"

Jim tries to patiently explain.

"Kevin, this is a potentially hazardous outing and you have a history of screwing these things up royally."

Kevin whined "But I don't have anything to do this weekend."

Folding his arms, Mack said "And how is this our problem?"

Before Kevin can say anything a red Corvette convertable pulls into Mack's driveway. Brittany gets out of the passenger seat. The driver, a muscular black man wearing and Ed Hardy t-shirt and skinny jeans with short hair and a neatly trimmed mustache, also gets out and approaches. Brittany said "Hey, Kevie, Mack, Chuck, Jim."

Kevin points to the muscular black man that's with Brittany.

"Allow me to introduce Brittany's new personal trainer, Daryl Johnson."

Daryl said "Hey, guys."

He shakes each guy's hand. Brittany asked "So, Kevie, have you arranged something to keep you out of the house this weekend?"

Kevin looks sad.

"Sorry, babe, but they won't let me go hunting with them."

Brittany appears particularly upset by this.

"But, Kevie, I need the whole house to myself so me and Daryl can...um..."

Daryl said "Exercise."

"Yeah, exercise."

Mack is adamant.

"I'm not taking Kevin hunting."

Kevin said "Jim, can I stay with Quinn this weekend. Or Chuck, can I stay with Stacy. I can help her with the baby."

Jim and Chuck immediately give Mack a "help me" look. Mack sighs.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, day...**

Quinn sees a red Corvette come up the street. Curious, she watches it pull into Kevin and Brittany's driveway. Daryl exits and hurridely enters Kevin and Brittany's house. He has a bouquet of red roses in one hand and a copy of the Kama Sutra in the other. Cut to a puzzled looking Quinn.

 _Weird._

Quinn enters her own house without a second thought.

* * *

 **Downstairs hallway, a short time later...**

 **Music:** "There's Something Going On" by Frida

Quinn is taking a full trash bag from the kitchen to the garage. She enters the garage and places the bag in a trash can. At this point she notices that the sun roof is open on Jim's new car, a 2010 Camaro SS.

 _I'd better close it._

Quinn approaches with the car keys. She opens the drivers side door and gasps. On the floor of the car in front of the driver's seat is a pair of gray silk panties. Quinn picks them up.

 _These aren't mine! What the hell!?_

Quinn's expression is now a mix of shock and anger.

* * *

 **An apartment building on Dega Street, evening...**

Daria and her new boyfriend, Mark, are at his apartment watching TV. Cut to the TV screen and we see a deer press his hoof on a big red button, followed by a fiery explosion and mushroom cloud.

 **TV Announcer:** What happens to hunters when Bambi gets his hands weapons grade plutonium. The Deer Have Gone Nuclear, next on Sick, Sad World.

Cut back to Daria and Mark. Daria deadpanned "The woods will never be the same."

With equal deadpan, Mark said "That's what the hunters get for killing Bambi's mom."

Daria's cell phone goes off. She answers.

"I'm on a date, so this had better be a life-or-death emergency."

Quinn is on the other end of the line.

"Daria, I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

Daria asked "Did Dad have a third heart attack?"

Quinn said "No, but this is almost as bad. I found a pair of panties in Jim's new car. They aren't mine."

Daria's jaw drops.

"I don't know what's more unbelievable, Jim cheating on you or his failure to hide the evidence."

Quinn looks ready to cry, but holds it together.

"Why would he do this to me? He asked me to marry him and he's screwing around."

Daria said "You don't know that for sure. All you know is that there was a strange pair of panties in his car. It's possible he didn't even know they were there since he's only had the car a very short period of time."

Quinn said "Jim's not here right now. He's spending the weekend hunting with Mack, Chuck and Kevin. I don't know what to do."

Daria said "Kevin with a rifle in the woods. Now there's a scary thought."

"So, what do I do?"

Daria said "Confront Jim with the panties when he gets back. If he's hiding something, you'll know because you're really good at reading guys. If he isn't hiding anything then maybe he has a sound explanation."

"If he doesn't?"

"Show no mercy. Assuming Kevin doesn't accidentally shoot him, of course."

* * *

 **The woods, day...**

Jim, Mack, Chuck and Kevin are in the woods with their rifles. While the rest of the guys have theirs slung over their shoulders Kevin is holding his in his hands. Kevin said "This is awesome."

Kevin has his finger is on the trigger. He stepped on a twig, causing it to snap. The sound startles him.

"Ahhh!"

He accidentally fires the rifle. The other guys give him a nasty look.

"Sorry."

Jim said "Could you please be careful. I'd rather not get shot twice in the same year."

Kevin said "But, like, I wanna be ready."

Mack explained "Don't point your rifle unless you're getting ready to shoot. Sling it over your shoulder like the rest of us."

Chuck added "It's gun safety 101."

Kevin said "But, Chuck, they don't do that in movies."

Jim deadpanned "But, Kevin, this is real life."

Kevin is dismissive.

"Come on. Like, what's the worst that could happen?"

Kevin experiences another accidental discharge. This one kills a rabbit. The other guys aren't impressed. Chuck said "Kevin, we're hunting deer, not rabbits."

Kevin seems to get it. (finally)

"Maybe I'll just keep it slung over my shoulder until we spot some deer."

As Kevin turns up his rifle he accidentally squeezes the trigger again. The gun goes off and the sound of a large bird sqwaking in pain is heard. A dead bird lands right in front of them. The body's blown wide open. The guys approach and discover that it's a bald eagle.

"Sorry."

The others give him a very annoyed look. He's just made them accessories to the killing of a protected species.

* * *

 **Chuck and Stacy's house, day...**

Quinn and Stacy are seated at the kitchen table. Little Chucky is in a high chair. Quinn is telling Stacy about the underwear she found in Jim's car.

"...I was so distraught that I called Daria for advice. She told me to confront Jim with the panties when he gets back tomorrow."

Stacy said "I can't believe Jim would cheat on you."

Quinn said "Neither could my sister. That's why she thinks there might be some other explanation. Problem is that the possibility of another explanation doesn't help. I figured I'd talk to you since you're a news reporter."

Stacy explained "Look at the facts, Quinn. You found a pair of panties in Jim's car. The panties aren't yours, which means another woman was in that car. One possibility is that Jim's cheating on you. The problem with that theory is that Jim's proven himself to be faithful time and again. Another possibility is that someone was in the car before Jim got it and he never noticed the panties. That one falls apart when you consider the fact that Jim's had the car for almost a month now. He would've noticed by now."

Quinn said "I've been thinking the same thing. The more likely scenario is that he's cheating on me. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was too busy worrying. What if this hunting trip is just a cover and he's really off doing some slut?"

"I doubt that. Chuck's with him so it'd mean my husband's in on it."

Just then, Stacy gasps as she thinks of another possibility.

"Sandi!"

Quinn asked "What about her?"

Stacy said "What if she planted the panties to get back at you for the Danny incident?"

Quinn rolls her eyes at this suggestion.

"Come on, Stacy. Sandi wouldn't do something that childish and vindictive."

Stacy said "She would've back in high school."

"Stacy, that was then. Yes, she was a vindictive bitch in high school but we've all grown up since then."

Stacy explained "I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. Sandi blames you for the latest episode of heartbreak in her life, that's no secret. It's why you two aren't on speaking terms right now. What if this was the straw that broke the camels back and sent her right back to being her old, vicious self? After all, Linda's 54 and she would do something like this. Maybe Sandi planted a pair of panties to hurt you by making you think Jim's cheating."

Quinn looks very thoughtful. The theory's not as far fetched as it seems at first glance.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in the woods...**

A state park ranger is looking at something through his binoculars. That something is Jim, Kevin, Mack and Chuck looking at the bald eagle that Kevin accidentally killed. The ranger lowers his binoculars and keys his walkie talkie.

"I have a positive ID on four poachers. Send backup to my location."

Meanwhile, the guys are upset with Kevin. Jim said "Kevin, what the hell?"

Kevin said "It was an accident."

Mack said "Kevin, bald eagles are a protected species. If a ranger sees this we're in a shitload of trouble."

Kevin said "So we just pay the fine."

Chuck rolls his eyes.

"Kevin, the fine's a hundred grand. Do you have that kind of money lying around, because I sure as hell don't."

Just then they hear the sound of a vehicle approaching. Jim said "Guys, someone's coming."

Panicking, Mack said "Hide the bird."

Kevin immediately kicks the dead bird into a nearby bush. A state fish and wildlife pickup truck approaches. Two armed officers emerge. One has blond hair and sunglasses. The other has brown hair and an impassive face. Both men are built like linebackers. They walk up to the guys, all of whom are now visibly nervous.

Jim asked "What's going on?"

The first officer said "We got word of some poaching going on."

The second officer said "A park ranger told us he saw four guys kill a bald eagle. Have you seen anything suspicious?"

Chuck said "No, we're hunting deer. We have permits."

Kevin blurted out "Just don't look in the bushes."

The officers get suspicious while Jim, Chuck and Mack all stare daggers at Kevin. The first officer immediately walks over to the bush that Kevin hid the dead eagle in. He sees the bird and picks it up. He holds it in front of the guys with an evil smirk on his face.

"How do you explain this?"

Jim thinks fast.

"We didn't know it was there."

Without thinking, as usual, Kevin said "I didn't kick it in the bush to hide it from you guys."

The officers pull their guns on the guys.

"You four are under arrest for poaching."

The guys all gulp with dread.

* * *

 **Sandi's apartment building, day...**

Quinn and Stacy are walking towards Sandi's apartment. Stacy has Chucky with her in a stroller. Quinn said "Thanks for doing this, Stacy."

Stacy replied "That's what friends are for, Quinn. This could get heated so it might be helpful if a third party is around."

"I just hope we're proven wrong. Jim cheating is bad enough but doing it with someone I consider a friend. I don't think I can handle that."

They reach the door to Sandi's apartment. Stacy said "I'll get the door. If Sandi sees you she might not answer."

Quinn moves to the side, out of view from inside Sandi's apartment. Stacy knocks. Sandi answers.

"Stacy, how are you?"

"Hi, Sandi."

Quinn immediately steps into view. Sandi is a little taken aback.

"Sandi, we need to talk."

With a sigh, Sandi said "Quinn, I don't wanna talk about what happened. When I'm ready to be friends again I'll let you know."

Quinn said "This isn't about that."

She reaches into her purse and pulls out the panties she found. She shows them to Sandi.

"Are these yours?"

Sandi puts on her old haughty face.

"Kuh-winn, you know perfectly well I only wear bikini bottoms as part of a bikini. My panty preference is thongs. Why?"

Quinn said "I found them in Jim's car."

Sandi becomes angry.

"And you think I'm screwing your fiancee, is that it? He's not my type."

Stacy said "Actually, we suspect you planted them in Jim's car to get back at Quinn for what happened with Danny."

Quinn said "Sandi, I understand that you're hurt but I didn't do anything. It's not my fault your now ex-girlfriend had a crush on me."

In a very hostile tone, Sandi hissed "How dare you! Both of you. You come here and accuse me of some childish prank. That is so beneath you."

Stacy explained "Sandi, it's not like you haven't done stuff like this before. Remember high school?"

Sandi said "That was then. I've grown more mature since then. I've been disowned by my family, forced to strip for a living because of the lousy economy, had my heart broken more than once and now you have the gall to come here and accuse me of trying to destroy Quinn and Jim's relationship."

Quinn tries to plead, but Sandi's now too angry to listen to reason.

"But, Sandi..."

"F&*% you, Quinn. F%^& both of you and PISS OFF!"

Sandi slams the door in their faces. Quinn and Stacy both appear deeply hurt.

* * *

 **A ranger station in the woods...**

 **Music:** "Don't Loose My Number" by Phil Collins

In an interrogation room Mack is seated across the table in handcuffs. The fish and wildlife officer with the menacing shades sits across from him.

"You know how much shit you're in, boy?"

Mack groans in frustration.

"Look, Kevin was careless and shot the bird by accident."

The officer barked "You back talkin' me, chocolate?"

Mack looks offended. The officer gets up and walks behind him. He grabs Mack by the back of his neck and slams him face first into the table. In a menacing tone, the officer said "Watch it, darkie, or I tell the cops that you assaulted me. And they'll take my word over a black punk."

* * *

Now it's Kevin who's being interrogated. Kevin said "Look, I didn't know it was there."

"Then why'd you say it was?"

Kevin looks blank. Smirking, the officer said "I thought so. When the vet gets here we'll match the bullet in that eagle to one of your guns."

"A war hero's coming! Cool!"

The officer shakes his head in disbelief.

"Just how stupid are you?"

* * *

Now, it's Chuck who's in the hot seat. The officer said "Since the last guy was an idiot we'll start simple and work up from there. What's you're name?"

Chuck is so nervous that he takes a deep breath and goes straight into Upchuck mode.

"I am Charles Ruttheimer the Third, Ladies Man Extraordinnare."

The officer stifles a laugh.

"Not to mention a poacher."

Chuck said "Only when it comes to luscious ladies. I poach the fairer sex often. rowr!"

Crossing his arms, the officer said "You're not impressing me, asshole."

"If only you were a woman. I like them...mmmm...feisty."

* * *

Now, the officer is interrogating Jim. Jim said "Look, I didn't do anything. Kevin shot the bird and it was an accident."

The officer said "Which you tried to cover up."

"Because I didn't wanna take the fall for someone else's screw up."

"Can you prove it, poacher?"

Jim said "I know my rights. I don't have to prove anything. Innocent until proven guilty, after all."

The officer gets right in Jim's face.

"You think you can spew that shit at me punk, think again."

Jim said "I know I can because my father's a cop and my soon-to-be-mother-in-law's a lawyer."

Crowding Jim, the officer hissed "Is that a threat?"

Jim refuses to flinch. When your father's Tony Carbone you get used to dealing with intimidating assholes.

"No, just a statement of fact."

The officer said "Well, let me state a few facts. We have a veterinarian coming to perform an autopsy. He'll find the bullet, which we'll match to the rifles we confiscated. Then, you'll either pay a one-hundred-thousand dollar fine each or spend the next six months getting ass raped every time you take a shower."

Now, Jim's worried.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house...**

Quinn's car pulls into the driveway. She exits the car and looks distraught.

 _Well, that went terribly. I just hope this doesn't lead to a lasting estrangement from Sandi._

At this point Quinn notices Daryl's Corvette still parked in Kevin and Brittany's driveway.

 _That car's been there since yesterday afternoon. I wonder what's going on._

Quinn walks over to Kevin and Brittany's front door. She's about to ring the doorbell when she notices that the door's a crack open.

 _That's weird. I hope everything's okay._

Concern overcomes any respect for privacy as Quinn let's herself in. Once inside she looks in the living room and gasps. There are Daryl and Brittany. Their shirts are off ant they're making out passionately. He begins to unhook Brittany's bra when...

"What the hell!?"

This startles Daryl and Brittany.

"EEP!"

Nervous, Daryl said "It's not what it looks like!"

Quinn folds her arms and awaits an explanation.

* * *

 **Kevin and Brittany's house...**

Quinn has just caught Brittany and Daryl making out.

"So, you wanted Kevin and the kids gone so you could screw your personal trainer."

Brittany said "No. We were exercising."

Folding her arms, Quinn said "Since when does exercise involve French kissing, heavy petting and peeling off clothes?"

Brittany sturggles to come up with an answer.

"Um...well...uh...you see..."

Daryl said "I was showing her how to simulate sex. It's part of her cardio routine."

Quinn isn't buying it.

"Yeah, right."

Daryl said "It burns a lot of calories. I could show it to you."

Quinn rolls her eyes in disgust.

"I'll pass."

Wanting to change the subject, Brittany asked "Um, What are you doing here?"

Quinn said "I saw a strange car in your driveway so I came over to ask about it. I noticed the door was open so I came in to make sure everything was okay."

Brittany said "Well, I'm fine."

Quinn deadpanned "Yes, I can see that."

Daryl asked "You're not gonna tell Kevin, are you?"

Quinn appears to think it over. Brittany looks nervous.

"Well?"

Quinn said "I think what you're doing is wrong. But I also think it'd be wrong to break up a family so I'll keep my mouth shut. But I want you to seriously think about what you're doing. Kevin would be devastated if he found out and you have four children whose lives will be ruined if this gets out. Just think about it, okay?"

Brittany said "Okay."

With that, Quinn leaves. Once she's gone Brittany and Daryl look at each other.

Brittany asked "Did getting caught turn you on, because it turned me on?"

Daryl said "The risk is part of what makes this so much fun."

"Come here."

They start to make out again.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, a short time later...**

Quinn is in the office looking at the panties she found in Jim's car.

 _I'm still no closer to finding out how these panties wound up in Jim's car. I would've asked Brittany about them but catching her cheating on Kevin made me forget. Those poor kids. I just hope Brittany stops before it's too late._

Quinn shakes her head.

 _Who am I kidding? She won't stop until this blows up in her face. She hasn't changed one bit since high school._

Quinn now looks worried.

 _What about my situation? Is Jim cheating on me? He's been tempted before but he resisted. He loves me too much to do that to me._

Quinn looks thoughtful.

 _Then again you can love someone and still cheat on them. Brittany's certainly proof of that. She loves Kevin but still has an affair. She and Kevin also cheated on each other all the time back in high school. I know Jim loves me but maybe this time it wasn't enough to stop him from cheating on me._

Quinn shakes her head.

 _Then again, the only evidence is this mystery pair of panties. It's possible that Jim's faithful and the panties wound up in his car by some other means. Who else do I know that owns gray silk panties?_

She thinks it over.

 _Sandi wears thongs exclusively and these panties are bikini bottoms. I can't believe I didn't remember that before I accused her. Daria only wears bikini bottoms, but she prefers cotton. Stacy and Lindy alternate between thongs and bikini bottoms but they only wear cotton as well. Tiffany only wears thongs and I doubt they're hers anyway. I haven't seen her since the incident at Chez Pierre last spring._

Quinn sighs.

 _I have no choice but to confront Jim when he gets back._

* * *

 **Ranger Station in the woods...**

Jim, Chuck, Mack and Kevin are all in a holding cell. Chuck said "I can't believe it. Thanks to Kevin we're all going to jail."

Kevin said "But, like, it was an accident."

Mack points to his black eye from when the game officer roughed him up.

"Your "accident" resulted in all of us getting arrested and me being the victim of police brutality."

"But, Mack Daddy.."

Jim loses his cool.

"Kevin, shut the f$%& up before you get us in more trouble."

"But, Jim..."

 **Jim, Mack and Chuck:** "SHUT UP!"

* * *

 **An examination room...**

The vet, a balding man with gray hair and glasses, is showing his findings to the game officers. The officers are stunned.

"You're sure!?"

The vet said "Positive. This bird was killed by a 9mm round. The rifles you confiscated from these hunters are .44 caliber. They didn't shoot this bird."

The second officer frowns.

"Damn."

* * *

 **The holding cell, a short time later...**

One of the officers opens the door.

"Good news, assholes. The bullet in that bird wasn't from one of your guns. You're all free to go."

They all breathe a sigh of relief. Cut to the front office. The officer is leading them out when the ranger who reported them comes in. He has a rough looking guy in handcuffs.

"I just spotted this asshole use a 9mm pistol to kill an endangered otter. Apparently, he's been poaching here for months."

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

 **Music:** "Blah, Blah, Blah" by Ke$ha

We see Mack's pickup pull into the driveway. Cut to inside. Mack is driving while Jim rides shotgun. Kevin is in the back seat. Chuck isn't with them because they already dropped him off. Cut to Jim's POV and we see Brittany and Daryl by Daryl's car. He has his hand on her ass. Cut to third person. Only Jim has noticed. Cut to outside the truck as it comes to a stop. The guys all get out. Brittany and Daryl approach Kevin.

Kevin said "Miss me, babe?"

"Of course, Kevie."

She runs up to him and kisses him. After the kiss he sees Daryl.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on her, man."

Daryl smiles slyly.

"No problem, Mr. Thompson."

"Call me Kevin, bro."

"Okay" (Thought VO) _Idiot._

Cut to Jim. Quinn walks right up to him and she looks pissed. She gets right in his face and shows him the silk panties.

"Care to explain this."

"What? The panties?"

Quinn said "I found them in your car yesterday and they're not mine. What are you doing with another woman's panties? And don't you dare lie to me."

Brittany sees the panties.

"I've been looking everywhere for these."

She takes the panties out of Quinn's hands.

"They're mine."

Everyone gasps. Kevin gets the wrong idea and grabs Jim by his shirt collar.

"You've been screwing my wife."

Jim shoves Kevin off of him.

"No, I haven't. I'm not cheating on Quinn, and certainly not with Brittany."

Quinn asked "Then what were her panties doing in your car?"

Everyone looks at Brittany. In an accusing tone, Jim said "Good question. Brittany?"

Brittany and Daryl look like deer caught in the headlights. They are so busted.

"Um...well...you see...um..."

Daryl said "I wanted to work on Brittany's backstroke. We were going to use Quinn's pool. While I went to find Quinn Brittany changed into her bathing suit in the garage. When I couldn't find Quinn I told Brittany it was a no go and we left. She must've forgotten them."

Brittany said "I wasn't having sex with another man in Jim's car, and Daryl wasn't having sex with a married woman in Jim's car either. What Daryl said is what happened."

The only one buying this explanation is Kevin.

"Thank God. For a minute there I thought you were cheating on me. Sorry I got mad, Jim. Anyway, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go inside and grab something to eat."

Kevin leaves. Brittany escorts Daryl to his car and sees him off with a kiss that is anything but platonic. Cut to a dumbfounded Quinn, Jim and Mack.

Mack said "Brittany's cheating on Kevin with Daryl."

Quinn said "They had sex in my garage."

Jim said "In my new car."

All three: "EEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!"

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, night...**

Quinn and Jim are laying awake in bed in their sleepwear. Quinn said "Sorry I accused you of cheating on me."

"It's okay. You found a strange pair of panties in my car. It's a logical assumption."

Jim shudders.

"I don't know what's worse, Brittany cheating on Kevin or the fact that she and Daryl did it in my car. I'm gonna have to sterilize that whole thing now."

Quinn decides to change the subject.

"So, how was your trip, hun?"

Jim said "It sucked. Kevin got us all arrested."

"How?"

Jim said "He misfired his gun and we all thought he'd accidentally killed a bald eagle. Turned out someone else shot it and it just happened to land by us. That's why they let us go."

Relieved, Quinn said "So, you were in jail while I thought you were cheating."

Jim said "I should probably lock my car when it's in the garage from now on. I could do without all this drama."

Quinn rubs Jim's shoulders.

"You feel tense, babe."

"It's been a stressful weekend."

In a sultry tone, Quinn said "How about I make you feel more relaxed, lover?"

Jim likes the sound of that. They start to make out but before we see anything naughty...

* * *

 **Authors Notes**

1) This is the beginning of a new running gag, Brittany having an affair and Kevin being too stupid to catch on.

2) I know nothing about the procedure for dealing with poachers so I just treated the rangers as if they were cops.

 **Next Time**

Quinn and Jim drive to California to spend the holidays with his brother, Chris. On the way car trouble leaves them stranded...in Highland, Texas. Guest starring Beavis and Butt-Head.


	5. Return To Highland

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Return To Highland"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Quinn and Jim's house, morning...**

There's a thin layer of snow on the ground and Christmas decorations on all the houses because it's December. Quinn and Jim are in the driveway loading their luggage into Quinn's car. They are obviously going on a road trip. Kevin walks up to them. He said "Hey, Quinn and Jim. What's up?"

Quinn explained "We're going on a road trip."

Kevin's eyes light up.

"Cool, a road trip! Where are you guys going?"

Jim said "We're spending Christmas with my brother and his wife. They live in California."

Kevin said "Cool!"

Clearly looking forward to the trip, Quinn said "I know. This year we're ditching the ice and snow for sun and surf."

Meanwhile, at the front door of Kevin and Brittany's house. Brittany emerges in a skintight black mini-dress, leather jacket, stilleto heels and black leggings. She looks like she's about to go on a hot date. Quinn notices the way she's dressed. She said "Brittany, it's 27 degrees out. Why are you dressed like that?"

Brittany said "I want to thank Daryl for helping me get back into shape after that last baby by treating him to breakfast before we hit the gym."

Kevin, still unaware that Brittany is having an extra-marital affair with her personal trainer, said "Cool!"

Brittany said "By the way, Kevie, I need you to watch the kids today. I probably won't be back till late this evening."

Not the least bit suspicious of his wife, Kevin asked "Long workout?"

Brittany said "Yes. I'll probably be exhausted when I get home."

Kevin said "No pain, no gain, babe."

Daryl pulls up in his Corvette with the song "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company blasting on the stereo. Smiling, Brittany said "He's here. Bye, Kevie."

Kevin still has no idea what's really going on.

"Later, babe."

She skips over to Daryl's car. Once inside, Brittany kisses Daryl on the cheek as they drive off. Cut back to Quinn, Jim and Kevin. Kevin said "It's awful nice of Brit to take him to breakfast before they head to the gym."

Quinn and Jim give Kevin a pitiful look, but he doesn't notice. Quinn thought _If you believe they're going to the gym I have a bridge to sell you._

* * *

 **Quinn's car on I-95, a short time later...**

 **Music:** "The Traveller" by A Flock Of Seagulls

Quinn is driving while Jim is riding shotgun and Storm is in the back seat. Quinn asked "So, how long a drive is this?"

Jim said "About four days if we push it."

Quinn frowns.

"Why didn't we just fly?"

Jim said "Because with air travel being what it is these days it's a lot less stressful to go across country by car."

Quinn immediately understands.

"I see your point."

Cut to a montage. We see a road map of the US with a big red dot showing Quinn and Jim's location. They stay on I-95 until they're just south of Richmond, VA. Cut to a shot of them walking Storm at a rest stop. Cut back to the map, which now shows them following I-85 from Petersburg, VA to Durham, NC and then I-40 to Knoxville, TN. Cut to a shot of them entering a motel room for the evening. Next, we see the map showing them take I-40 to Little Rock, Arkansas and then I-30 to Texarkana. Cut to them entering another motel for the evening. Cut back to the map. We see that they are taking I-30 to Dallas, TX. Montage ends with the map showing them on I-20 a good distance west of Dallas.

* * *

 **Somewhere in Texas...**

Quinn's car stopped on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere

The car has a flat tire and no spare. Jim is less than thrilled at this development. Irritated, he said ""We should stop in Arlen and get that tire fixed, Quinn." "It isn't wise to drive cross country with only four tires, Quinn." Does any of that ring a bell...Quinn?"

"Every word, babe. Do you also remember me saying you worry too much? So we had a little setback. I called triple A."

Jim is less than thrilled at this.

"You know this is gonna put us seriously behind schedule."

Now Quinn gets a little irritated.

"Hey, it was your idea to drive. Besides, I know where we are. We're just a few minutes drive from Highland, where I'm originally from. I can show you around."

Jim said "I thought you told me Highland was a dump."

Quinn explained "It is, but it's where I spent the first fourteen years of my life so I wouldn't mind revisiting where I spent my childhood. A chance to reminisce about childhood innocence."

At this point a hauler pulls up to them. The driver, a thirty-something man with a blond mullet, stubbly face and a beer gut emerges. He speaks with a heavy Texas twang.

"Howdy there, lil' lady. You the who called a wrecker."

Quinn said "Yeah, we need you to take us to a place where we can get two tires fixed."

The truck driver said "That ain't no problem. There's a great place in Highland I can take yuh too."

Quinn smiles sweetly.

"Thanks."

* * *

 **The Burger World in Highland (the same one Beavis and Butt-Head worked at), a short time later...**

Quinn and Jim walk towards the place with Storm on a leash, which has outdoor seating. Trying to make the best of things, Quinn said "That wasn't so bad, was it. We'll get a bite here then go back to the tire place. I can even show you around."

Jim scans the area. All around he sees cracked sidewalks, poorly maintained lawns, run down houses and even a guy scoring drugs from Todd Ianuzzi. Finally, he said "You weren't kidding, this town really is a dump. Are you sure you'll be okay out here with Storm while I go in and get the food?"

Quinn said "Jim, I'll be fine. It's no worse than when I lived here."

* * *

 **Inside the Burger World...**

Beavis and Butt-Head are working at the counter. Except for being 12-13 years older they look the same as they did on their own show. Butt-Head said "Huh-huh, huh-huh...This sucks...huh-huh."

Beavis said "Yeah...heh-heh...Let's burn something...heh-heh, hmm-hmm...Fire...FIRE...FIRE..."

"Uh...huh-huh...Settle down, Beavis...huh-huh..."

Jim approaches the counter.

"Um, Guys?"

This get's their attention. Butt-Head said "Uh...huh-huh...Like, can I take your order?...huh-huh..."

Jim said "Yeah, I'll have one Big 'n' Jucy combo, medium, and one salad, both with a medium diet Ultra-Cola."

Visibly amused, Butt-Head said "Uh...huh-huh...You said "Big"...huh-huh..."

Beavis added "Ummm...heh-heh...I've got a big and juicy schlong...heh-heh..."

Butt-Head said "Uhhhh...No you don't...huh-huh...Dumbass...huh-huh..."

Beavis shot back "heh-heh...Shut up. fartknocker. I do too have a big schlong...heh-heh...Boi-yoy-yoy-yoy-ing...heh-heh..."

Jim looks at them with a mixture of irritation and amusement.

"Uh, Guys, about my order."

The two idiots stop arguing and turn their attention back to Jim. Butt-Head said "Uhhhh...huh-huh...ummm...Oh, yeah!...huh-huh...Uh, We'll, like get right on it...huh-huh...What did you order again?"

Jim rolls his eyes and groans in frustration.

* * *

 **Some time later...**

Jim comes out of the restaurant with the food. He takes it to the table where Quinn is waiting with the dog. He sets it down and takes a seat.

"Sorry it took so long. They had these two idiots working the counter."

Quinn nods in understanding.

"Trust me, Jim, there's no shortage of people like that in this town. That's one of the reasons we left."

Jim said "Well, these two were really dumb. As in make Kevin look like a Rhodes Scholar dumb."

Quinn giggles at that comment.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, inside...**

Beavis and Butt-Head are still at the counter. Beavis said "Heh-heh...hmm-hmm...I'm bored...heh-heh..."

Butt-Head looks right at Beavis.

"Dammit, Beavis, if you start spanking your monkey in front of me I'm gonna kick your ass...huh-huh...I said "spank"...huh-huh..."

At this point, Butt-Head looks the window and sees Quinn and Jim having their lunch.

"Whoa, check it out, Beavis. That dude that was in here is with a hot chick."

Beavis sees Quinn and Jim.

"Whoa, cool! hmm-hmm...She looks familiar...heh-heh...Do we know her?"

* * *

A scene from the Beavis and Butt-Head episode "Held Back", in which the two kept getting sent back a grade. They're back in eight grade and Butt-Head is hitting on a thirteen year old Quinn.

 **Butt-Head:** Uh...huh-huh...Hey, baby...huh-huh...You wanna go out with an older man?...huh-huh...

Quinn gasps in horror.

* * *

 **Burger World, 13 years later...**

Butt-Head said "Uhhh...No, I've never seen her...huh-huh...Let's get her to trade up...huh-huh..."

Beavis said "Yeah...hm-hm...Maybe she's a slut and we'll score...heh-heh..."

* * *

Outside, a short time later, Quinn is eating a salad when...

"Uh...huh-huh...Hey, baby..."

Quinn gasps as she knows that voice all too well. Pan out to show Beavis and Butt-Head standing right behind her.

Butt-Head said "I'm, like, available...huh-huh...You wanna be with a real man?...huh-huh..."

Beavis said "Yeah...heh-heh...Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing...heh-heh..."

Quinn is mortified.

* * *

 **The Burger World in Highland, day...**

Quinn and Jim are at an outdoor table trying to eat lunch while a still very moronic Beavis and Butt-Head are pestering them. Butt-Head said "So...huh-huh...I'm, like sensitive to a woman's needs...huh-huh...I'll give it to ya good."

Quinn is both disgusted and embarassed. Jim looks at them with a curious look. He said "Look, could you please not harass my fiancee?"

Quinn said "Jim, don't bother. These are those two morons that used to follow Daria around. Allow me to introduce Beavis and Butt-Head."

Beavis said "Whoa! heh-heh...You knew Diarrhea?...hmm-hmm..."

Clearly put off, Quinn said "She's my sister."

Beavis said "Heh-heh...I heard she, like, killed herself...heh-heh..."

Rapidly losing her patience, Quinn said "No, we just moved."

Butt-Head said "So, baby...huh-huh...You wanna ditch this guy for a real man?...huh-huh...That'd be cool...huh-huh..."

Beavis added "Yeah...hmh-hmh...We're ready to do you...heh-heh..."

Disgusted, Quinn said "Ewwwww! No way!"

The two idiots are undeterred.

"Uhhh...Are you sure?...huh-huh...Come to Butt-Head...huh-huh..."

"Yeah...hmm-hmm...Then come to me...heh-heh..."

Jim loses his patience and gets right in their faces.

"Look, she's not interested, alright. Why don't you too assholes go back inside and get back to work?"

Amused, Butt-Head said "Huh-huh-huh-huh...You said "ass"...huh-huh..."

Angry, Beavis said "Dammit...I wanna score..."

Jim balls his hand into a fist. Cut to Quinn giving the two idiots a pitying look. We don't see what happens but we hear the sound of someone getting beaten up. Cut to Jim standing over a roughed up Beavis and Butt-Head.

"Now, leave us alone or I'll kick your asses some more."

Quinn walks up to Jim.

"Actually, I've lost my appetite. Let's go, Jim."

They leave. Once they're gone, Butt-Head said "He just kicked our asses...huh-huh..."

Beavis said "Yeah...hmm-hmm...We should, like, follow them and kick his ass...hmm-hmm...Then she'll, like, see how badass we are and want us...heh-heh..."

Butt-Head's face lights up in realization.

"Huh-huh...Whoa! That's, like, a really good idea, Beavis...huh-huh..."

They stand up and start walking.

"Let's show her what studs we are...huh-huh..."

"Yeah...hmm-hmm...Then we'll, like, finally score...heh-heh..."

"Yeah...huh-huh...We're finally gonna get some...huh-huh..."

( **A/N:** Idiots!)

* * *

 **The Coffee Snob, Lawndale, day...**

 **Music:** "3" by Britney Spears

Sandi is seated alone at a table having some coffee. She looks very sad.

 _How has it come to this? First, I spent my senior year fo high school on the outs with my friends. Then, I realize I'm bisexual and fall in love with a woman only to find out she's cheating on me after my family disowned me for being with her. I have to drop out of college and work at Food Lord. I live at a homeless shelter until I save enough to get my own place. Then the housing bubble made rent so high I had to take a job as a stripper in order to avoid going back to the shelter. I have a failed relationship with Joey, I save enough to go back to school and get my AA and what happens? The economy's so bad I have to keep stripping because the only alternative is long term unemployment. Then came the boyfriend who turned out to be gay. Then the girlfriend who tried to seduce my best friend. Now, I'm on the outs with everyone again. Why?_

Sandi takes a sip of her coffee and sighs.

 _Maybe I deserve all of this misery. Maybe this is God's way of punishing me for being such a power hungry bitch back in high school. Yes, I was a stuck up bitch, but does that really warrant a lifetime of never ending misery. It's not like I'm a psycho killer or child rapist. There are people worse than me who are better off than me._

She takes another sip of her coffee.

 _I may not be the worst of the worst, but I'm still a rotten person. I only ever seemed to care about myself. I've treated my friends like shit, treated people like mere tools to enhance my status, I've even made some pretty nice people feel like they were worthless. Why? Because I was too in love with myself to care about other people, that's why. I thought I was the greatest person in the world back in high school. The truth is I was just a mean, stuck up, selfish and vindictive bitch. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Maybe that's why I keep failing at everything in life. The only thing I can do is make money by dancing naked for drunken losers._

She looks like she'd about to cry when...

"Sandi!?"

She looks behind her and gasps. It's Joey, of the three J's, who is also her ex-boyfriend.

"Joey!"

* * *

 **A Chevy dealership in Highland, day...**

Quinn and Jim are seated on a bench outside of the service center. They can't go inside because they have Storm with them. Jim said "Sorry I lost my cool with those guys back there."

Quinn said "That's okay, Jim. Beavis and Butt-Head have that effect on people."

Jim said "You know, the few times you've talked about them over the years I thought you were exaggerating. I can't believe they're really that dumb."

Quinn said "I can't believe they're not dead or in prison by now."

* * *

 **The waiting area at the service department...**

Beavis and Butt-Head are in there looking for Quinn and Jim. It hasn't occurred to either of them that they're waiting outside because they have a dog with them. Beavis said "Uhh...hmm-hmm...Are you sure they came here, Butt-Head?...heh-heh..."

Butt-Head said "Uhh...Positive...huh-huh...Maybe they're taking a dump...huh-huh..."

"Yeah...hmm-hmm...Poop...heh-heh..."

Beavis scans the room. He spots a coffee machine.

"heh-heh...Cool!...I'm thirsty...heh-heh..."

Beavis makes his way over to the coffee machine and pours himself a cup. After one sip his eyes go wide.

"Whoa!...heh-heh...This is pretty good...heh-heh..."

He chugs the cup down and pours another, and another before chugging straight out of the pot. He spins his head around violently.

"yabbba-gabba-rowrrrrrrr-nyachhhhhhh-guhhhhh-picata-picataroliofoliopolio...hyaghhhh...nyaghhhhhh...habbadseeetaahhhhhcpaapppppachirrrrrroooooooo..."

He pours more sugar and coffee down his throat and continues to lose his mind.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, outside...**

While Quinn holds Storm's leash Jim gets up from his seat.

"I'm gonna get a snack from the vending machine inside. You want anything?"

Quinn said "No, thanks." She looks at her watch. "If we have time I'll show you around once the car's fixed."

Jim smiles and nods as he enters the building.

* * *

 **Inside..**

Once inside Jim sees Beavis and Butt-Head by the coffeee machine. Beavis continues to spaz out.

"Nyaaaahhhhhh...Nyaaaahhhhh...habbbadcitomosquitolibidocaccachurrrro...rohhhhhhhhh."

Butt-Head said "Uhh...Settle down, Beavis, or you'll soil your drawers...huh-huh...That'd be cool...huh-huh..."plop"...huh-huh..."

Jim watches this and looks concerned.

 _He looks like he's in trouble. I'd better make sure he's okay..._ (pause)... _Damn conscience._

Jim walks over to them as Beavis pulls his shirt over his head.

"Are you alright?"

Beavis balls up his fists.

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME!?"

Jim is taken aback.

"What!? No, I was asking if you're okay."

Beavis raises his hands in the air.

"I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"

Jim looks puzzled.

"Um, what?"

"TP! YOU MUST GIVE ME YOUR TP! MY BUNGHOLE WILL NOT WAIT!"

Jim stares in stunned silence as Beavis continues his caffeine fueled rant.

"I AM CORNHOLIO, KING OF BUNGHOLIO! I NEED TP! I HAVE NO BUNGHOLE, FOR THERE IS BUT ONE BUNGHOLE!"

Beavis makes his way to the snack machine.

"MY BUNGHOLE WILL EAT NOW!"

He headbutts the machine so hard that the glass shatters.

"THE FEAST OF CACA WILL BEGIN!"

Jim is now absolutely dumbfounded.

* * *

 **Outside...**

Quinn is still on the bench holding Storm's leash. She's unaware of what's going on inside. She looks at her watch and becomes a little concerned.

 _What's taking Jim so long?_

Suddenly, the door swings open and Beavis comes out as Cornholio. This startles Quinn who, unlike Daria, has never seen him like this.

"Ahhhhhh!"

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I HAVE NO BUNGHOLE! SUBMIT TO THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLIO!"

Quinn backs away and tries to put as much distance between herself and Beavis as possible. Storm, noticing Quinn's distress, goes into gurad dog mode and starts growling at Beavis. He turns his attention to the dog.

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME? YOU DO NOT WANT TO FACE THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOLE!"

Storm barks at him.

"RAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-JUNGA-JUNGA-ROWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-POOOP-TITTICACA! IN NICARAGUA! AGUA FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"

This freaks Storm out. Tail between his legs, he cowers behind Quinn.

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"

Terrified, Quinn runs inside, taking Storm with her. Beavis watches her.

"YOU ENTER THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE! FOR THERE IS BUT ONE BUNGHOLE!"

* * *

 **The Coffee Snob, Lawndale, day...**

Sandi and Joey are catching up.

"...so I told Quinn I needed some time. I've only spoken to her once since then."

Joey said "I see. Sorry."

With a sigh, Sandi said "Don't be. I deserve to be miserable."

Joey gives Sandi a curious look.

"What makes you say that?"

Sandi explained "I treated everyone like shit back in high school."

Joey said "So? It's not like you killed anyone or ruined someone's life. You've just had a lot of hard luck, it can happen to anyone. By the way, I'm sorry it didn't work out between us."

Remembering some of the good times, Sandi said "So am I. It was the only relationship I had that didn't have a catastrophic ending. We just drifted apart."

Joey admitted "You know, I've actually missed you since then."

She gives him a curious look. Noticing this, Joey said "Look, I'm not saying we get back together. I just miss you as a friend. Truth is maybe we would've lasted if we'd been more proactive. Maybe we'd be getting ready for a trip down the aisle just like Jim and Quinn are."

Sandi eyes him suspiciously.

"Joey, we broke up two years ago."

Joey explained "That's my point. What's done is done. Dwelling on past regrets doesn't help now. You just need to learn from it and move on. What if we had worked? We'll probably never know. All any of us can do is learn from our mistakes and move on."

Sandi smiles.

"I don't remember you ever being this insightful."

Joey said :I've done some more growing up over the last two years, we all have. When we were going out it bugged me that you were a stripper, even though I said it didn't. That's why I pushed you away. I don't wanna get back together, but I do wanna apologize for that."

"Apology accepted."

They both smile. Seeing each other again after two years appears to have re-ignited the spark, though they won't admit it."

* * *

 **The dealership in Highland...**

Quinn has just run in with Storm to get away from Beavis. She spots Jim and Butt-Head. She runs up to them.

Jim said "Quinn, what happened?"

Before Quinn can answer, Butt-Head chimes in.

"Uhh...We're, like, here to kick your ass...huh-huh..."

Jim rolls his eyes at Butt-Head.

"Aren't you the least bit worried that your friend's having a nervous breakdown?"

Butt-Head said "Uhhh...No."

At this point the doors swing open and Beavis enters.

"I AM CORNHOLIO! YOU WILL SURRENDER YOUR TP TO THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"

Everyone in there freaks out. One person said "Don't hurt us!"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY TP? TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"

Everyone is visibly scared.

"YOU MUST KNEEL BEFORE ME!"

Frightened, everyone gets on their knees.

* * *

 **A police station...**

The dispatcher, a brunette woman with a pony tail gets on her radio.

"Calling all available units. Hostage situation at Bubba's Chevrolet."

* * *

 **The Waiting Room at Bubba's, a short time later...**

Everyone, including Quinn and Jim, is sitting cross legged on the floor and frightened as Beavis continues to be Cornholio.

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I HAVE NO BUNGHOLE! I HAVE A PORNHOLIO IN MY BUNGHOLIO, NAMED OLIO!"

More than a little freaked, Jim asked Quinn "Does this happen a lot with those two?"

Quinn said "I've heard stories about it, but this is the first time I've actually seen it."

Beavis stands up on a coffee table.

"DEEP IN THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE LIES THE GREAT OLIO! MY BUNGHOLE, IT GOES RARRR-RAT-TA-TAT-TAT-BLEECH-PFT-JUNGO-JUNGO-OWWW!"

But-Head said "..huh-huh...This is cool...huh-huh..."

Beavis shouted "SILENCE! YOU MUST ALL KNEEL BEFORE THE ALIMGHTY BUNGHOLE!"

Everyone kneels. Beavis begins to sing.

"BUNGHOLIO-OH-OH! I HAVE NO BUNGHOLE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY BUNGHOLE!"

At this point, a mans voice on a bullhorn fills the room.

"Police! We have the place surrounded! Surrender and you won't be harmed!"

This gets Beavis' attention. He looks out a window and sees the parking lot now full of police cars.

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME!? YOU DO NOT WANT TO FACE THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOLE!"

Beavis walks outside and stares the cops down. The cop with the bullhorn said "We can work out a deal! Let the hostages go!"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY TP!? TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"

The cop said "We'll give you whatever you want."

"TP! YOU MUST GEEVE ME YOUR TP!"

"Come with us and we'll give you all the TP you want!"

Beavis said "Ummm...heh-heh...Okay."

He walks up to the cop with the bullhorn.

"WILL YOU GIVE ME TP!?"

A whole group of cops swarms on Beavis and tackles him to the ground. As they are putting him in one of the police cars...

"YOU MAY TAKE ME BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY BUNGHOLE!"

Inside, everyone is visibly relieved that it's over. Butt-Head is visibly amused.

"Uhh...huh-huh...Beavis is going to jail...huh-huh...Cool!"

Quinn and Jim both roll their eyes.

* * *

 **The Coffee Snob in Lawndale, evening...**

Sandi and Joey are standing out front and saying their goodbyes. The conversation lasted all afternoon.

Joey said "It was nice catching up, Sandi."

Blushing slightly, Sandi said "Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss long conversations with you."

Smiling, Joey said "Yeah, it was like old times. Anyway, I'll see you around."

He's about to leave when...

"Um, Joey?"

Joey stops and turns around.

"Yes?"

Sandi said "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but...Well...You see..."

She takes a deep breath to compose herself.

"Would you like to hang out sometime?"

Joey looks puzzled.

"What do you mean?"

Sandi explained "Well, spending the afternoon reminded me of some of the good times we had when we were together and what you said about how you pushed me away and regret it got me thinking...See...well..."

Joey finishes for her.

"You're wondering if there's still something between us?"

Nervous, Sandi nods. Joey appears thoughtful. Finally, he says something.

"After today I'm thinking there's still something there, too. But what if we're wrong?"

Sounding crushed, Sandi said "Yeah, I know. This was a bad idea."

Joey said "Or not. Maybe we should just take it one day at a time. How about dinner and a movie next weekend, see if maybe we might have better luck the second time around?"

"If we don't?"

Joey said "We won't know if we don't try. At least we won't be left wondering what might've been."

Sandi looks thoughtful for a moment.

"Consider it a date."

They both smile.

* * *

 **A highway in Texas, evening...**

 **Music:** "Highway Song" by Blackfoot

Quinn and Jim are in their car and back on the road. Storm is curled up and sleeping in the backseat. Jim said "So, that was Highland? I can see why your family left."

Quinn said "Tell me about it. I tried to be optimistic and make the best of a bad situation and look where it got us."

Jim said "At least all three of us made it out of there in one piece. I can't wait to return to the real world."

Quinn looks thoughtful.

"Now that you mention it, the people there are a little cartoonish, aren't they?"

Jim commented "It's almost like Highland and Lawndale aren't even in the same universe. Even I was acting a little over the top."

Quinn said "When we first moved to Lawndale Daria made some kind of joke about Highland having uranium in the drinking water. Now that I've been back I'm wondering if she may have been on to something."

"I have to admit, it would explain a lot."

Smiling, Quinn said "Well, we can put it behind us now."

Smiling, Jim said "California, here we come."

Cut to outside and we see the car continue west under a clear, star filled praire sky.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

1) that last conversation is an attemp to explain the more realistic tone of "Daria" as opposed to the more cartoonish world of "Beavis and Butt-Head".

2) Speaking of those two dunderheads, I figure they still work at Burger World and never graduated high school. They either are still in ninth grade in their late twenties or, more likely, they just went through the motions until they could drop out.

 **Next Time**

Quinn and Jim spend Christmas in LA with Jim's brother, Chris, and Chris' wife, Brooke. Sandi and Jane spend Christmas with Jake, Helen and Daria.


	6. California Screamin

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"California Screamin'"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Act I**

 **Scene 1**

 **Ext. Shot:** A panoramic view of Los Angeles, including the iconic Hollywood sign

 **Music:** "California Gurls" by Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg

After the initial shot we zoom in on the Ventura Freeway. Cut to Quinn's car.

 **Int. Shot:** Quinn's car

Quinn is driving while Jim is in the passenger seat and Storm is in the back seat.

 **Quinn:** So, which exit do we take again?

 **Jim:** 17\. We take a left on Van Nuys, then a right on Ventura followed by a right on Sherman Oaks.

 **Quinn:** I used to dream about living in southern California. In fact, I think that's the only reason I applied to Pepperhill. I wanted to be part of the Hollywood scene.

Quinn looks a little regretful.

 **Quinn:** I can't believe I was so full of myself back then.

Jim reassures her.

 **Jim:** You were just being a typical teenager. We've all been there.

Quinn visibly feels better. Cut to a short time later. The car is now on a street in the Sherman Oaks neighborhood. Cut to inside and we see Jim giving Quinn directions.

 **Jim:** It's the fourth house on the right.

Cut to outside the car. It pulls into a driveway in front of a huge two-story house done in the Spanish adobe style. The house has an immaculately maintained lawn. The car comes to a stop. Quinn, Jim and Storm exit and make their way to the front door. Jim's brother, Chris, answers. Chris is a tall and muscular 31 year old with a perfectly chisled face, a California tan, and jet black hair like his father.

 **Chris:** Jim, good to see ya, bro.

Chris and Jim hug.

 **Jim:** How you doin', Chris?

 **Chris:** I'm good. Just got a new client, Orlando Bloom.

Chris is a casting agent in Hollywood, by the way. He has a lot of celebrity clients, a fact which their father, Tony, rubs Jim's nose in every chance he gets. Chris turns his attention to Quinn.

 **Chris:** How are you, soon-to-be-sis-in-law?

They hug.

 **Quinn:** I'm good, Chris.

Chris turns his attention to his younger brother.

 **Chris:** By the way, Jim, how did Dad take the news of this engagement?

 **Jim:** He threatened to disown me but backed off when Mom threatened to divorce him.

 **Chris:** Sounds about right.

They all enter the house.

* * *

 **Scene 2**

 **Ext. Shot:** Pizza King in Lawndale, day

 **Int. Shot:** Pizza King

Daria is eating pizza with Jane, who's down from New York to visit Daria for Christmas.

 **Daria:** Why didn't you bring Alan? We invited him too.

 **Jane:** He had some stuff to take care of. The kind that involves excavating ruins in the Yucatan.

 **Daria:** The wonders of living with an absentee archeaologist boyfriend.

 **Jane:** Hey, I live in a huge loft in SoHo rent free, so I'm not complaining. Speaking of relationships, how's Mark?

 **Daria:** To paraphraise a popular song, another one bites the dust.

 **Jane:** What happened?

 **Daria:** Once the initial spark wore off we decided we only liked each other as friends. We parted on pretty good terms.

Before the conversation can continue they are approached by Sandi.

 **Sandi:** Can I sit with you guys?

 **Daria:** Why us?

 **Sandi:** Because I feel like talking to someone and I'm still on the outs with Quinn.

Daria nods to Jane.

 **Jane:** It's alright with me.

Sandi sits next to Jane.

 **Daria:** So, how have you been?

 **Sandi:** Not so good. I ran into Joey the other day.

 **Jane:** The same Joey who dumped you during that trip to Europe two years ago?

Sandi nods.

 **Sandi:** He asked me out on a date and I said yes.

Sandi sighs.

 **Sandi:** I'm lonely. I'm currently on the outs with both Quinn and Stacy for reasons I'd rather not get into. I'm thinking of calling the date off.

 **Jane:** How are you spending the holidays?

Sandi eyes Jane with suspicion.

 **Jane:** I only ask because last I heard your family disowned you for being into both guys and girls.

 **Sandi:** Alone with a TV dinner.

 **Jane:** I told you that it's overrated. Why don't you spend Christmas with us?

 **Sandi:** I'm not ready to face Quinn yet.

 **Daria:** Not an issue. She and Jim are in LA visiting his brother.

* * *

 **Scene 3**

 **Music:** "Telephone" by Lady GaGa, feat. Beyonce

 **Ext. Shot:** Chris' House, day

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Quinn, Jim, Chris and his wife, Brooke, are sitting down and talking. Brooke is a twenty-nine year old blonde with a dark tan, disporportionately large (and fake) boobs, and speaks with a valley girl accent. Her outfit is a pair of skintight black jeans and a red tank top so tight that it's a minor miracle her large boobs don't pop out. Jim and Chris can't help staring lustfully while Quinn eyes her with obvious jealousy.

 **Brooke:** ...so I told him that our salon only caters to the rich and famous, not smelly bums, so take your broke ass back to Malibu.

 **Jim:** That's so awesome, Brooke.

Brooke smiles, causing Jim to blush and Quinn to scowl.

 **Brooke:** Thanks, Jim.

Chris smiles proudly.

 **Chris:** My wife is the greatest.

 **Jim:** She certainly is, bro.

Both guys are clearly mesmerized by Brooke.

 **Quinn:** (subtle hostility) You know, Brooke, when I was in high school my dream was to go to Pepperhill.

Brooke pretends not to notice the jealous tone in Quinn's voice.

 **Brooke:** Me too, until Penn State offered me a cheerleading scholarship. (She affectionately rubs Chris's arm.) That's how I got my man here.

 **Chris:** I wasn't picked up by the NFL but I had a degree in marketing so Brooke asked me to come with her to LA. She helped me get a job with an agency. We've been friends with a lot of A list celebrities since then.

 **Brooke:** You'd be surprised how much Leonardo DiCaprio's let him self go in the last two years.

This awakens Quinn's compettitive streak.

 **Quinn:** You know, Jim and I are famous.

 **Brooke:** I know. I've seen your YouTube videos. It looks like a fun hobby.

 **Quinn:** It's not a hobby. That's what we both do for a living.

 **Brooke:** (insincere) How nice. Did I tell you that Playboy called? They want me to pose for a Hot Housewives pictoral.

 **Chris:** That's great, honey.

 **Jim:** Really cool.

Quinn looks insecure.

 **Quinn:** I posed nude once.

Everyone ignores her.

 **Jim:** I can't believe my sister in law's gonna pose for Playboy. Chris, you are one lucky son of a gun.

 **Chris:** Don't I know it.

Brooke smiles at the praise. Cut to Quinn, looking like she wants to kill Brooke.

* * *

 **Scene 4**

 **Ext. Shot:** Governor's Park Restaurant in Lawndale, evening

 **Int. Shot:** The restaurant

Sandi and Joey are sitting at a table on the dinner protion of their dinner and a movie date. They're making light hearted conversation.

 **Joey:** I know it's not Chez Pierre, but it's almost as good.

 **Sandi:** That's fine. Because of the incident last spring I heard they're going out of business.

She sees the hurt expression on Joey's face and is sympathetic.

 **Sandi:** I'm sorry. I know Jeffy was your friend.

 **Joey:** It's okay. He went crazy. When he killed himself the guy who was my friend was already long gone. I guess we have some sadness in common. I lost my oldest friend, you lost your family.

 **Sandi:** And found another one. Quinn and Stacy are more of a family to me than my parents and brothers ever were.

 **Joey:** How are they, anyway?

 **Sandi:** Stacy and Chuck have an eight month old son now, his name's Charles Ruttheimer the fourth, but everyone calls him Chucky. He's the cutest little thing. Quinn and Jim are engaged.

 **Joey:** Seems like the only ones who didn't last were us. Though, admittedly, we didn't really make any effort.

Sandi smiles.

 **Joey:** I forgot how beautiful you look when you smile.

They stare into each others eyes and seem to fall in love all over again.

* * *

 **Scene 5**

 **Music:** "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa

 **Ext. Shot:** Chris and Brooke's house in LA, evening

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Quinn, Jim and Chris are on the sofa. While Jim and Chris make conversation Quinn scratches Storm behind the ears.

 **Jim:** Where's Brooke?

 **Chris:** She said she had some stuff to take care of in the office.

He looks thoughtful.

 **Chris:** Now that you mention it, she has been in there a while.

Jim's face lights up. He was always attracted to Brooke but even if he were single he wouldn't make a move because, one: she's married to his brother and, two: she was never interested in him anyway.

 **Jim:** Want me to check on her?

Quinn is instantly jealous.

 **Quinn:** Actually, honey, I'll check on her. You stay here and catch up with your brother.

 **Chris:** That'd be great. Thanks, Quinn.

Quinn gets up and leaves. Cut to a hallway. The door to the office is closed. Quinn opens it. Cut to inside the office. We see Brooke sitting on top of a desk, but the shot is only from the waist up. Her bare knees are raised and spread and she has her head thrown back in ectasy.

 **Brooke:** Ohhh...God...Ramon...soooo...good...

Cut to a mortified Quinn.

 **Quinn:** WHAT THE HELL!?

Cut to Brooke. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

 **Brooke:** EEP!

A latin man with a very handsome face emerges up into the shot from between Brooke's legs. He looks a little sheepish.

 **Ramon:** Um...This isn't what it looks like.

Pan out to reveal that Brooke is naked from the waist down, but the naughty stuff is blocked by Ramon. Cut to Quinn folding her arms. Brooke and her secret lover are so busted.

End Act I.

* * *

 **Act II**

 **Scene 1**

 **Ext. Shot:** Chris and Brooke's house in LA, evening

 **Int. Shot:** The office

Quinn has just walked in on another man, Ramon, going down on Chris's wife, Brooke. Brooke is pulling her pants back up while Ramon tries to explain what's going on.

 **Ramon:** I...um...I was helping her find the...um...a pen.

Quinn isn't buying it.

 **Quinn:** Between her legs? I don't think so. You were clearly going down on her.

Ramon turns beet red.

 **Brooke:** Please don't tell Chris.

Quinn looks incredulous.

 **Quinn:** I'm supposed to lie to my future brother in law. No way. No freakin' way.

Brooke glares menacingly at Quinn.

 **Brooke:** I'll make it worth your while.

Quinn's eyes narrow.

 **Quinn:** How, exactly?

Brooke smirks.

 **Brooke:** Jim's obviously attracted to me. I could get him to sleep with me easily. Keep quiet and I won't do that.

Quinn stares daggers at Brooke.

 **Quinn:** You cheat on your husband with this guy and now you try to silence me by threatening to cheat on him with his brother!? You...you...you whore!

Brooke grins triumphantly.

 **Brooke:** My terms aren't negotiable. Keep your mouth shut or I'll seduce your man.

Quinn stares daggers at Brooke.

* * *

 **Scene 2**

 **Music:** "Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha

 **Ext. Shot:** Sandi's apartment building, night

 **Int. Shot:** Sandi's bedroom

Sandi and Joey's clothes are strewn all over the floor while they lay naked in bed. The sheets cover anything inappropriate, but it's obvious that they've just had sex.

 **Sandi:** It was never that hot before.

 **Joey:** That's two years of pent up lust for ya.

 **Sandi:** You were incredible. That has too have been the best orgasm ever.

 **Joey:** Benefits of getting back with an ex. You know exactly which buttons to push.

Sandi smiles.

 **Sandi:** So I guess this means we're a couple again.

 **Joey:** After this, definitely.

Sandi smiles seductively as she sensually traces a finger down Joey's chest.

 **Sandi:** I hope you have stamina to spare, stud, because we're a long way from done.

Sandi disappears under the sheets. Cut to Joey's face. He's grinning.

* * *

 **Scene 3**

 **Ext. Shot:** A panoramic shot of the Century City district in LA

Zoom in on the open air Century City Mall. We see Quinn and Jim walking alongside Chris and Brooke. There is obvious tension between Quinn and Brooke.

 **Brooke:** So, where to shop first?

She glares menacingly at Quinn and her voice takes on a catty tone.

 **Brooke:** Why don't we go to Victoria's Secret? I could model lingerie for my husband and...

Her voice becomes sultry and she winks.

 **Brooke:** ...Jim.

The double-entendre flys over the heads of both guys but hits Quinn like a ton of bricks. She immediately fires back.

 **Quinn:** Maybe we could go to the swimwear section of Cashmans. I'd love to model bikini's for both guys. After all, I know I looks hot in a bikini. And I do it...(her voice takes on an accusing tone)...naturally.

The subtle dig at Brooke's breast implants ruffles her feathers. She stares daggers at Quinn.

 **Brooke:** I happen to know I great place to get a bikini wax. Maybe, while the guys do shopping I can spring for Quinn to get a...makeover.

Quinn fires back.

 **Quinn:** At least I didn't have to go under the knife to land a man.

Brooke gets in Quinn's face.

 **Brooke:** But my man's a casting agent with A-list connections. Your man's a mechanic.

 **Quinn:** A mechanic with a business degree from Vance.

 **Brooke:** (very catty) And no ambition.

It's about to get physical when Jim and Chris decide to intervene.

 **Chris:** Brooke, why don't you and me go and find presents for Quinn and Jim?

 **Jim:** Yeah, Quinn. We can do the same for Brooke and Chris. I'd also like some one on one time.

As Jim and Quinn walk in one direction while Chris and Brooke walk in another the two women exchange hostile glances.

* * *

 **Scene 4**

 **Music:** "Watcha Say" by Jason Derulo

 **Ext. Shot:** The open mall at Century City

Zoom in to show Quinn and Jim walking and talking.

 **Jim:** I couldn't help but notice you and Brooke being really catty towards each other. Is something going on?

 **Quinn:** Jim, what do you think of her?

 **Jim:** That she's your typical California blonde. I know both Chris and my father like her, for obvious reasons.

 **Quinn:** Do you think she's, you know, hot?

Jim's eyes go wide.

 **Jim:** What brought this on?

 **Quinn:** Just humor me, babe.

 **Jim:** Look, I admit that she's very physically attractive. She was even before the implants. But she's not my type and you're physically attractive as well. (something occurs to Jim) Are you jealous?

 **Quinn:** Jim, this is important. If she came on to you would you sleep with her?

 **Jim:** Are you crazy!?

 **Quinn:** I don't know. Am I?

Jim looks thoughtful for a second.

 **Jim:** She's not interested in me. She just likes to flirt. Even if she were interested I wouldn't do anything because I love you too much to do that to you. Even if I were single I wouldn't do anything because she's married to my brother. What's going on?

Quinn looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

 **Quinn:** Um...Do you know a guy named Ramon?

 **Jim:** Yeah, he's one of my brother's clients. He's an aspiring actor. Why?

Quinn hangs her head and sighs.

 **Quinn:** Brooke's having an affair with him.

Jim's eyes go wide and his jaw drops.

* * *

 **Scene 5**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, Christmas Eve

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Jake and Helen are having a small get together. We see Eric chatting up Rita and Erin while Emma eyes them cooly. Cut to the sofa and we see Sandi talking to Helen.

 **Sandi:** Thanks for letting me stay over.

 **Helen:** Sandi, it's my pleasure. After all, you're practically family.

Sandi sighs and looks sad.

 **Helen:** Is something wrong?

 **Sandi:** Do you remember Joey Black?

 **Helen:** One of the three boys who followed Quinn around in high school and later dated you. Of course.

 **Sandi:** We got back together.

 **Helen:** That's wonderful. Why do you look so down?

 **Sandi:** (Thought VO) _I could say that I'm worried it won't work with Joey this time either, but that's a lie._ (Out loud) I was going to say I'm worried it won't work with Joey this time, but that's not what has me so upset.

 **Helen:** Whatever it is, you can tell me.

 **Sandi:** Quinn and I aren't on speaking terms right now.

 **Helen:** Why? What happened?

 **Sandi:** I was dating a girl named Danielle Todds. We broke up because she kissed Quinn.

Helen gasps and her jaw drops.

 **Helen:** Oh, my!

End Act II.

* * *

 **Act III**

 **Scene 1**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, Christmas Eve

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Sandi has just told Helen why she and Quinn are currently not on speaking terms.

 **Helen:** Your girlfriend kissed my daughter.

 **Sandi:** It turned out that Danny had a crush on Quinn the whole time. She was dating me to get to her.

 **Helen:** I can see why you'd be angry at Danielle, but why are you mad at Quinn.

Helen suddenly has a disturbing thought.

 **Helen:** She didn't, did she!?

Sandi shakes her head.

 **Sandi:** No. Quinn rejected her advances. She's straight.

 **Helen:** Actually, I was more concerned that she might be cheating on Jim.

 **Sandi:** She isn't. I cut it off with Quinn because I couldn't look at her without being reminded of this latest episode of heart break. Last month she and Stacy accused me of planting underwear in Jim's car to get back at her. I haven't spoken to either of them since then.

Helen stifles a giggle.

 **Helen:** Quinn told me about that. It turned out the panties belonged to her next door neighbor. She was having sex with a guy in Jim's car and forgot her panties.

Sandi snickers before her expression turns serious again.

 **Sandi:** I miss Quinn and Stacy, but after this I'm afraid they won't talk to me anymore.

Helen puts a hand on Sandi's shoulder.

 **Helen:** Sandi, Quinn's more forgiving than you think. She understands that you stopped talking to her because of an awkward situation. No one did anything wrong. If you talk to her when she gets back from California she'll welcome you back with open arms, I know it.

Sandi visibly feels better.

* * *

 **Scene 2**

 **Ext. Shot:** Chris and Brooke's house, Christmas Eve

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Chris and Brooke are having a small get together with friends and colleagues. Cut to Quinn and Jim sitting on the couch. They do not appear to be enjoying themselves

 **Jim:** I don't know what I find more shocking, Brooke cheating on Chris or her threatening to seduce me if you told anyone.

 **Quinn:** Believe it. She's a two-faced slut.

Cut to Brooke chatting with some other women. She looks over at Quinn and Jim.

 **Brooke:** (Thought VO) _I hope she doesn't tell Chris about my indiscretion. Maybe I should remind her of what's at stake._

Brooke walks over and sits next to Quinn and Jim. She's a little too close to Jim for comfort.

 **Brooke:** (flirty tone) Hiii, Jim. Are you having fun?

 **Jim:** (nervous) Um...Yeah.

Brooke gives Quinn a smug look. Quinn immediately understands that Brooke's coming on to Jim as a way to threaten her.

 **Brooke:** Jim, you wanna know a secret?

She presses her lip to Jim's ear and whispers.

 **Brooke:** I always liked you. I think you're...sexy.

At the word sexy cut to Jim's lap. Brooke is subtley brushing Jim's thigh very close to his crotch. Cut to Quinn, now silently boiling with rage. Cut back to Jim and Brooke. Brooke continues to whisper in Jim's ear.

 **Brooke:** (sultry tone) You like that? I know you don't wanna hurt your fiancee or your brother but they don't have to know. I want you.

Brooke gets up and walks away. Jim looks very uncomfortable.

 **Jim:** Did she just come on to me?

 **Quinn:** (seething) Yes, just to stick it to me.

* * *

 **Scene 3**

 **Int. Shot:** Chris and Brooke's kitchen

Chris is getting a beer out of the refridgerator. He closes the fridge and looks up. Quinn's there.

 **Quinn:** Chris, we need to talk.

Chris seems a little puzzled.

 **Chris:** What's going on? Did my brother do something?

Cut to the living room. Jim is sitting on the couch. Brooke sits down next to him.

 **Brooke:** Where's Quinn?

Jim gives Brooke a stern look.

 **Jim:** Brooke, Quinn told me about you and Ramon.

Brooke looks white as a sheet.

 **Brooke:** Look, Ramon's an actor. I'm helping him with his career so he can help me later on.

 **Jim:** By cheating on my brother.

 **Brooke:** Don't act so shocked, Jim. This is LA. The only way to move up is to sleep your way to the top. I sleep with people in the business all the time.

 **Jim:** Be that as it may it doesn't change the fact that you're cheating on my brother. We both know Chris won't stand for this.

 **Chris:** (VO, off screen) Damn right, I won't.

Pan out to show Quinn and Chris standing right in front of Jim and Brooke.

 **Chris:** Quinn just told me that you're screwing Ramon. Is that true?

Brooke thinks fast.

 **Brooke:** What!? No. Quinn's jealous of me. That's why she makes up these things. (she looks at Quinn.) Honestly, a grown woman acting like a petty high school girl.

 **Jim:** Chris, it's true. Brooke just told me as much.

Brooke is now very nervous.

 **Brooke:** Um, How much did you hear?

 **Quinn:** We overheard the part where Jim said Chris wouldn't stand for you cheating on him.

 **Brooke:** That was hypothetical.

 **Jim:** This wasn't.

He pulls and hand held tape recorder out of his jacket and presses play.

 **Brooke:** (VO, on tape) "...Don't act so shocked, Jim. This is LA. The only way to move up is to sleep your way to the top. I sleep with people in the business all the time."

Jim presses pause. Cut to Chris looking devastated.

 **Chris:** H...How could you do this to me? To us?

 **Brooke:** Chris, please. That's how you get somewhere in this town.

 **Chris:** No it isn't. Plenty of people get ahead on talent alone. You can't do this and stay married to me.

Brooke gets right in Chris's face.

 **Brooke:** Yes, I can. This is California, we don't have a pre-nuptual and as insurance one of my lovers is a divorce lawyer. You divorce me and I'll take eveything and leave you with nothing. You have no choice but to turn a blind eye if I do other guys.

 **Chris:** (firm) Get out of my house. NOW!

Quinn and Jim exchange smiles.

* * *

 **Scene 4**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, Christmas morning

There's a light snowfall in Lawndale.

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Jake, Helen, Daria, Jane and Sandi are opening presents. Sandi picks up one of hers. Cut to her POV and we see the label says "To Sandi from Jane". Cut to third person. Sandi unwraps the flat box and opens it. It's a painting of her and Jane when they were in elementary school. They are hugging and smiling. Sandi is visibly moved.

 **Sandi:** You...You made this!?

 **Jane:** Painted it. It's a copy of an old photo. I figured you might like something that reminds you of a happier time in both of our lives. Before the mean girls got there claws into you.

Sandi wipes a stray tear from her cheek. She immediately throws her arms around Jane.

 **Sandi:** Oh, Jane! Thank you so much!

Jane hugs Sandi back.

 **Jane:** Merry Christmas, Sandi.

 **Music:** "Picture" by Filter

Cut to later on. Sandi is sitting on the couch with Daria and Jane. While the other two are watching TV Sandi stares at the picture and is deep in thought.

 **Sandi:** (Thought VO) _This is the best present I've ever recieved. Even though we can never again be as close as we were in elementry school she once again considers me a friend. Even if it'll never be as it was we'll always have the memories. What about Quinn and Stacy? They didn't do anything wrong and I love them as if they were my sisters. With them I have what I never had with my blood relatives, a family._

Sandi takes a deep breath and makes a decision.

 **Sandi:** (Thought VO) _They are my family. I'm ready to be friends with them again._

Sandi smiles, which Daria notices.

 **Daria:** You should smile more often. It looks good on you. What's the occassion?

 **Sandi:** I just got over something.

* * *

 **Scene 5**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn's car on I-10

 **Int. Shot:** Quinn's car

Quinn is driving while Jim is in the front passenger seat and Storm is in the back.

 **Quinn:** I wonder if we should've stuck with the plan and stayed until New Years Day.

 **Jim:** Considering what happened, that'd be awkward. Chris understands that. Besides, he's heading into what promises to be a pretty nasty divorce. He needs all of his ducks in a row.

 **Quinn:** Poor Chris. Married eight years and it turns out she was a gold digging letch the whole time.

 **Jim:** He'll get over it. At least I hope he does. When we get home I'll give him a call, see how he's doing. He is my brother, after all.

 **Quinn:** What Brooke did to him. Well, I hope you know I'll never do something like that to you. If I ever felt like cheating I'd try fixing our relationship instead.

 **Jim:** I know.

Quinn suddenly has a thought.

 **Quinn:** Should we tell Kevin about Brittany and Daryl?

They both appear to think it over for a moment.

 **Both:** NAH!

Cut to outside the car as we watch it head east.

 **End Credits.**

* * *

 **Next Time**

Quinn and Sandi make up and become friends again. Things hit a snag, however, when Linda tries to worm her way back into Sandi's life. What's her endgame?

* * *

 **Authors Note**

Due to scheduling issues I didn't have time to convert to prose. Since all other chapters are prose I figure it's no big deal. Also, this particular chapter works better in script anyway. Don't get used to this, though. Everything else will remain in prose.


	7. Wreckconciliation

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Wreckonciliation"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Quinn and Jim's house, day...**

Quinn is in the home office at her desk going through her mail. She frowns as she looks at it.

 _Homemaker Magazine...mine. Hot Rod Monthly...Jim. Pre-Approved Credit...shred. Coupons at Payday...might wanna hold on to that. Phone bill._

Quinn reads it. Her eyes go wide.

 _Fantasy chat!? Jim knows how I feel about that stuff!_

She looks at the address and feels an instant sense of relief.

 _Never mind, it's for that creepy old guy across the street._

At this moment the phone rings. Quinn picks it up.

"Hello."

Her eyes go wide.

"Sandi!?"

* * *

 **Pizza King, a short time later...**

 **Music:** "Hey Soul Sister" by Train

Quinn and Stacy are seated across from Sandi. Little Chucky is in a stroller next to Stacy. Sandi explained "I asked you both out because I'm ready to make peace with you."

Quinn said "Sandi, I'm sorry about that whole mess with Danielle."

Waving her hand dismissively, Sandi said "You don't have to apologize, Quinn. You didn't do anything wrong. Although, I would like an apology for the underwear accusation."

Blushing slightly with embarrassment, Stacy said "Actually, that was my fault. I just assumed you went back to your old bitchy self. I should've known better. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for that, too." added Quinn.

Sandi said "Apologies accepted. Quinn, your mother told me about the underwear. Brittany and Kevin were having sex in Jim's car and left the underwear there."

Quinn and Stacy both snicker as Sandi doesn't know that Brittany is cheating on Kevin with her personal trainer. Sandi looks puzzled.

"What's so funny?"

Quinn said "When I told my mom that story I left out the best part. The guy Brittany was with wasn't Kevin."

Sandi gasps.

Stacy explained "It was her personal trainer, a black guy named Daryl."

Sandi asked "Does Kevin know?"

Quinn said "No, and he's pretty much the only one who doesn't know. Brittany isn't exactly being discreet."

Stacy added "He only hasn't caught on because, you know, Kevin."

All three girls laugh.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at Deuce's Hardware...**

Daria walks up to the checkout line. She isn't buying anything but has a question. The clerk is a middle aged man with glasses and a beer gut. He asked "Can I help you?"

Daria sighs.

"Can I have a job application?"

The clerk said "Yes, but it probably won't do you any good. We're not hiring."

Rolling her eyes, Daria said "Neither is anyone else. I've been seeking employment for two and a half years."

The clerk said "That's a recession for ya."

At this moment, Daria hears a familiar voice.

"Daria!? Daria Morgendorffer?"

Daria turns around and sees Mack in line behind her. He seems happy to see her.

"It is you! I haven't seen you in years. How are you?"

Daria said "As well as I can be under the circumstances."

Mack asked "What are you doing here?"

Daria dryly said "The same thing I've been doing ever since I finished grad school, begging for a job."

Sympathetic, Mack said "I hear that. Last year I had to lay off half of my staff, including my best friend."

Daria knows who he's talking about.

"You mean Jim? I know. At least he's managed to find success on YouTube. I can't even get a job flipping burgers."

With a smile, Mack said "You know, seeing you brings back some memories. We should hang out and catch up sometime."

Daria said "Mack, as much as I'd like to ever since the Tom thing in high school I've sworn off any guy who's dated Jane first."

Sheepish, Mack explained "What Jane and I had in college was brief. In any case, it's not a date. Just two old friends catching up."

"I'd like to, but I don't think it's a good idea."

Undeterred, Mack gets out a pen and paper and writes something down. He hands it to Daria. She reluctantly accepts.

"What's this?"

Mack said "Phone number and e-mail. In case you change your mind."

Daria blushes.

* * *

 **WSBC-TV station...**

Stacy is at her desk working on her latest news story when the news manager, a grizzled old man in his sixties with a lit cigar in his mouth, enters. His name is James Jonahson.

"How's the latest story coming, Ruttheimer?"

Stacy said "It's coming along just fine, Mr. Jonahson."

Jonahson said "Listen, I need you to head over to marketing. Ms. D'Mico wants to talk to you."

Stacy is visibly not looking forward to this.

* * *

 **Linda D'Mico's office...**

Stacy is seated in front of Linda's desk and looks uncomfortable. Linda D'Mico is formerly Linda Griffin. She went back to using her maiden name after the divorce.

"You wanted to see me, Mrs. Griffin...I mean Miss D'Mico."

Linda said "Yes. And please, Stacy, call me Linda."

Linda's uncharacteristically friendly demeanor has Stacy a visibly unsettled. She asked "What's going on?"

Linda said "I wanted to ask you about Sandi."

Now, Stacy's shocked. In a suspicious tone of voice she asked "Why?"

Linda sighs and looks sad. She explained "I'll level with you, Stacy. Ever since my divorce I've been re-thinking my priorities. Chris is off at college. After Sam graduated he chose to move back in with his father instead of me and Chris has recently told me that he'll do the same. I've lost my whole family."

Stacy glares angrily at Linda.

"With all due respect, Linda, I think you brought this on yourself. You disowned Sandi for being bisexual, you probably drove Mr. Griffin away and neither of your sons want anything to do with you."

Linda looks pleadingly at Stacy.

"I know, and I was wrong. I know that you and my daughter are still in touch. I was hoping you could tell me where she lives now."

Stacy's eyes narrow with barely contained fury.

"And why would I do that? Especially after what you did to her."

Linda said "I was wrong to disown Sandi. I want to apologize to her in person and try to make peace."

Stacy defiantly folds her arms.

"You've had seven and a half years to do that. Why now?"

Linda pleaded "Look, it took me a long time to understand that what I did was wrong. I miss my daughter and want her back. If she wants nothing to do with me I understand, but I need to at least try. It'll give us both some closure if nothing else."

Now Stacy looks uncertain as Linda does have a valid point. Seeing this, Linda presses on.

"I'm begging you, from one mother to another. Please?"

Now, Stacy looks guilty.

* * *

 **Sandi's apartment building, that evening...**

 **Music:** "Misery Business" by Paramore

Sandi and Joey are sitting on the couch and making conversation.

Joey said "So, you're still a stripper?"

Sandi explained "Only because in this economy it's either that or long term unemployment."

Joey said "That's okay. I don't like it but this time I'll make a better effort to deal."

Sandi smiles.

"Thanks, Joey. That actually means a lot to me."

They kiss. After that, she asked in a seductive tone "Would you like to stay the night?"

Joey smiles playfully.

"What did you have in mind?"

Sandi teased "You sleep on the couch."

Joey frowns.

"I'm kidding. You can sleep in my bed, though we probably won't do much sleeping if you know what I mean."

"Sounds like a plan."

They start to make out passionately when there's a knock on the door.

Joey said "Dammit!"

Sandi said "Who the hell could that be?"

She gets up and answers the door. Her jaw drops.

Linda said "Sandi, I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

Sandi has a sinking feeling.

* * *

Sandi and Joey are in shock as Linda is at the front door asking to be let in. Sandi coldly asked "What are YOU doing here?"

Linda said "Can I please come in?"

Sandi folds her arms and scowls.

"No, you most certainly can not."

She's about to slam the door in Linda's face when...

"SANDI, PLEASE!?"

The desperation in her voice stops Sandi from closing the door.

"What I did to you was wrong. I want to apologize."

Sandi said "Before I tell you where to stick your apology could you explain how it is you found out where I live?"

Linda hangs her head in submission.

"Stacy gave me your address."

Sandi gasps in shock. Linda explained "She didn't want to until I told her I wanted to apologize and make peace."

Sandi sturggles to keep her anger in check.

"You had almost eight years to do that. Do you have any idea what I've been through in that time?"

Linda shakes her head.

Sandi said "I got a job at Food Lord and lived in a homeless shelter until I'd saved enough to get my own place. When the rent became too high I took a job as a stripper. I went back to college and got my AA. Despite this I have to keep stripping because of the tight job market. Now, you want to apologize. Why? You weren't there when I needed you the most."

Linda said "I was wrong, and what I did to you was unforgiveable. It took a divorce and both of your brothers cutting me off to make me understand that. Please, I may have done you wrong but I'm still your mother. Isn't blood supposed to be thicker than water?"

Angry, Sandi retorted "Until you found out I was bisexual. Then blood ties didn't mean so much."

Linda asked "Don't you want to have a family again?"

Sandi said "I have a family. Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer have given me much more love and acceptance than you every did. Quinn and Stacy are like sisters to me. Stacy's husband, Chuck, and Quinn's fiancee, Jim, are more like brothers to me than my actual brothers ever were. You, who abandoned me for not fitting your definition of perfect, have the nerve to come here and beg forgiveness after seven and a half years. News flash, mother, TOO F$%&ING LATE!"

Sandi slams the door in Linda's face.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, evening...**

Daria is in her room talking on the phone.

"...he said it wasn't a date, but I strongly suspect otherwise."

Jane is on the other end of the line.

"So, you ran into Mack and he asked you out, huh. What did you say?"

Daria said "I told him no, but he gave me his phone and e-mail in case I change my mind."

Jane asked "Why not try it and see where it goes?"

Daria said "Because of that fling you had with him in college."

"So, you rejected him out of respect for our friendship. It's not like I have any feelings for him now."

"He's still your ex-boyfriend. I swore off your exes after Tom."

Jane said "First off, the Tom thing was over ten years ago. Second, ex-boyfriend might be too strong a word. What Mack and I had was more of a friends with benefits type of thing."

Daria said "So, you wouldn't have a problem with me dating him? Despite the fact that you dated him for a short time."

Jane explained "What Mack and I did wasn't dating so much as it was getting together for hot yet meaningless sex. Once that got old we parted ways amicably. Give him a shot. Who knows, maybe there's something between you two that wasn't there before."

Daria looks thoughtful. Jane added "In any case, think about it. And do so on it's own merits. This is nothing like the Tom thing."

Daria said "Okay. Thanks, Jane."

"No problem, amiga. Bye."

"Later."

They both hang up. Daria immediately dials another number.

"Hey, Mack. It's Daria..."

* * *

 **Pizza King, the next day...**

 **Music:** "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled

Quinn, Stacy and Sandi are having pizza and discussing the previous night. Sandi asked "Why did you give her my address, Stacy?"

Stacy said "I'm sorry, Sandi. She seemed really sincere in her desire to make up and I felt sorry for her."

In her old haughty tone Sandi said "You should've asked me if it was okay first."

Sheepish, Stacy said "Sorry."

Quinn steps in.

"Guys, calm down."

Sandi and Stacy both take deep breaths to center themselves. Afterward, Quinn said "Sandi, maybe you should give her a chance."

Sandi is completely taken aback by Quinn's suggestion. Her old haughtiness returns in full force.

"Excuse me! Give her a chance after what she did to me!? Are you out of your mind, Kuh-winn?"

Quinn explained "It's been almost eight years, maybe she's changed in that time. After all, we all have. In high school I was a stuck up diva, Stacy was an insecure follower and you were a class-A bitch. We're not like that anymore. Look, what she did to you was pretty low. What if she realizes that now? Would it be so bad to give her a chance."

Stacy added "Yeah, maybe you two can have a better relationship moving forward."

Sandi looks uncertain. Quinn gets an idea.

"Why don't you two get together for lunch? You can hear each other out. Maybe come to an understanding. It's worth a shot."

Sandi still looks uncertain.

Stacy said "I can set it up. What have you got to lose?"

Sandi looks thoughtful.

* * *

 **Governor's Park Restaurant, a few days later...**

Sandi and Linda are having lunch. Linda looks hopeful while Sandi looks like she wishes she was somewhere else. Linda said "Thanks for agreeing to this, Sandi."

Sandi folds her arms.

"Out with it, mother."

Linda sighs. She explained "Sandi, when I found out you were bisexual I was ashamed. I acted like I was ashamed of you but the truth is I was ashamed of myself. I felt you having an alternative sexuality was a failure on my part to be a good parent, but that was my problem and I selfishly made it yours. I'm sorry."

Softening her tone, Sandi explained "Mother, sexual orientation isn't a choice. No matter how I was raised I would've turned out bi. If anything, how I was raised made things worse. I spent my teens in complete denial of who I was because of it. Your failure wasn't my bisexuality, it was my attempt to suppress it. I refused to even acknowledge my true orientation until college."

Linda said "So it took you almost as long to accept it as it took me?"

Unsure of what to say, Sandi nods. Linda continued with "I have to be honest. After I turned on you things got worse between your father and I. He actually hated me for what I did to you. That's why we're now divorced. Your brothers weren't too thrilled about you being bi and blamed me. After graduating college, Sam moved in with your father and Chris has told me he intends to do the same. I finally realized that my bitchiness cost me my whole family. I miss you and I've come to realize that whatever your sexual orientation you're still my daughter. Sandi, I love you. If I could take back what all happened I would."

A stray tear rolls down Sandi's cheek. This is the first time she's ever seen Linda show such compassion. She reaches out and holds Linda's hand.

"Mother, I forgive you."

Now, it's Linda who wipes away a stray tear. The two get up from their seats and hug.

* * *

 **Playhouse 99 Movie Theater, evening...**

Daria and Mack emerge from the theater. Daria explained "Well, that was lame. I had fun mocking it with my brutal honesty, though."

Mack said "That's why I suggested it. I couldn't find anything decent playing so I figured we might as well go with something that provides us with subtle mockery."

Daria smiles, realizing just how much she and Mack actually have in common. She said "Wanna grab some pizza?"

Mack said "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

 **Pizza King, a short time later...**

 **Music:** "Naturally" by Selena Gomez

Daria and Mack are having pizza and light hearted conversation. Mack is telling her about a customer who kept trying to get out of paying his bill.

"...so I finally told him "Look, why don't you just pay us in money? Not in empty promises.""

Daria deadpanned "Deadbeat Customers, Next on Sick, Sad World."

They both laugh. When the laughter stopped Daria said "You're not the same guy you were in high school."

Mack said "True, thank God. How come I never noticed how cool you were before?"

Daria said "You were enamored with Jodie."

Mack sighs.

"Actually, Jodie and I were never all that into each other to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I always liked her and respected her opinion. Fact is, though, we were only together as long as we were because I was a smart black guy and she was a smart black girl. It was expected."

Daria said "I can see that. Feign love of diversity while keeping it to a minimum."

Mack said "You know, I always admired you for sticking to your guns and refusing to be another cog in the machine. I wish I had your strength."

Daria frowned.

"It's no bed of roses. Being an outcast just because you acknowledge the things no one wants to admit."

Mack said "At least we saw through the bull shit."

They exchange smiles as they realize just how much they actually do have in common.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Quinn and Jim are on the couch watching TV. The show they are watching the Mexican action-drama "Monsignor Martinez". The Monsignor/cop is cornered in the church by three knife wielding thugs. They are about to move in for the kill when Monsignor Martinez whips out an Uzi.

"Vaya con Dios!"

He mows all three of them down in a hail of automatic gunfire. At the commercial break, Jim turned to Quinn and said "So, Sandi and her mother made peace."

Sounding doubtful, Quinn said "I guess."

Jim notices the doubt in his fiancee's voice.

"Something wrong?"

Quinn said "I'm worried, Jim. Linda's never been this humble. What if she's playing all of us for fools?"

"You think she'd do something like that?"

Quinn nods. Jim said "I think you're over thinking this. I mean, what could Linda possibly have to gain?"

Quinn looks thoughtful.

"Only a relationship with her estranged daughter. That's why I'm a little freaked. There's no reason for any deception but something about all of this feels off."

Jim gives Quinn a curious look. Quinn said "Linda and Sandi want to have dinner with us."

Jim, seeing no cause for concern, said "Seems to me Linda wants to know Sandi's friends better. I don't see any harm."

Quinn said "I know. I just have this funny feeling. Why, after all these years, is Linda so eager to be a part of Sandi's life again?"

Jim said "Based on what you've told me, it sounds like she knows she was wrong and wants to make amends. Nothing about that strikes me as off."

Quinn thinks it over for a minute.

"I'll invite them over for dinner. Maybe Linda really does want to become reacquainted."

* * *

 **The Morgendorffer House, a few nights later...**

 **Music:** "Crush" by Paramore

Mack's pickup truck pulls up in front of the house. Mack steps out of the drivers side while Daria emarges from the passenger side. They walk to the door. Daria said "Three good dates in a row. I like this."

Mack said "If you consider a "Call of Duty" binge a date."

Daria shrugs.

"Works for me."

Smiling, Mack said "Me too."

They reach the door. Mack said "Um, Daria."

"Yes."

"We've had three dates now. I...well...I really like you."

"I like you too, Mack."

"Well, the thing is I think you're really cool. You live life on your own terms, you tell it like it is and you always have an honest opinion. We get each other and well..."

Words escape him as he and Daria lean in closer. As their faces move closer together we hear the build up to the songs chorus. As the chorus kicks in they kiss passionately. They have just gone from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Quinn, Jim, Sandi and Linda are at the dinning room table having dinner and making conversation. Jim said "So, you're the infamous Linda Griffin."

Linda corrected "It's Linda D'Mico now. I switched back to my maiden name after the divorce. It was actually a blessing in disguise. I finally realized what's really important. In fact, Quinn, I'm familiar with your YouTube channel."

Quinn's face lights up.

"You are!?"

Linda smiles.

"Yes, and so is the station head. He wants me to give something to you."

Linda reaches into her jacket and pulls out some papers. As she did so she told Quinn "My boss wants me to sign you to the station. We at WSBC feel "Smore 'n' Pores" would make a fine addition to our afternoon lineup. A makeup and cooking show is just the thing to take our ratings over the top. You'll be paid one-hundred thousand dollars for the first year with us. If the show does well then your pay will go up substantially after that."

Sandi eyes her mother curiously.

"Mother, what's going on?"

Linda smirks.

"Business, Sandi. I knew you were still in touch with Quinn. Making peace with you was the perfect way to get an introduction."

Sandi gasps in shock. It all makes sense now. Linda's eagerness to suddenly make peace, her unusually humble demeanor. It was all a ruse to get to Quinn.

"You...You said you wanted your daughter back!"

Linda rolls her eyes.

"Because your relationship with Quinn makes you an ideal tool to advance my career."

The reality hits Sandi like a ton of bricks.

"You...You used me!?"

Sounding too proud, Linda said "Price of doing business. If it weren't for Quinn's success I never would've tried to contact you. Not having a family has freed me up to pursue my ambitions full time."

Tears start to well up in Sandi's eyes. Linda has not changed one bit over the years. If anything, she's become even more manipulative. Fighting back tears, Sandi said "It was all a lie, wasn't it? You used Stacy to get to me so you could use me to get to Quinn. HOW COULD YOU!?"

Linda said "Considering the money to be made, how could I not?"

Sandi runs out in tears. Quinn starts to get up but Linda stops her.

"Let her go. We have business to discuss."

Quinn gets right in Linda's face.

"HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!?"

Linda is dismissive.

"Never mind that. I'm offering you a fabulous opportunity."

Quinn, barely able to contain her anger, growled "I have an answer for you. Take that contract, stick it up your ass, and get the hell out of my house, you bitch."

Linda looks taken aback. She turns to Jim, who eyes her coldly. He said to Linda "You heard her. Either walk out of here or I'll drag you out."

* * *

 **The street, a short time later...**

Sandi runs down the street until she's out of breath. Finally, she sits down on the sidewalk. She buries her face in her arms and starts to cry.

"Why?... _sob_...She used me... _sniff_...My own mother used me to get to Quinn... _sob_...

At that point, Sandi heard a concerned Quinn's voice.

"Sandi?"

Sandi looks up and sees both Quinn and Jim there. They sit down on each side of her. Sandi began to ask "Wh...Where's..." She crys uncontrollably.

Quinn said "We threw her out."

Jim added "That was pretty low. Manipulating you and Stacy just to get to Quinn."

Sandi said "I... _sniff_...I'm alone... _sob_..."

Quinn puts a hand on Sandi's shoulder.

"You're not alone, Sandi."

Jim also places a hand on Sandi's shoulder.

"You have Joey, Quinn, Stacy, me and a lot of other people. We'll always be here for you."

Quinn said "Yeah, Sandi. You still have your friends."

Sandi wraps one arm around Quinn and another around Jim.

"You both mean that?"

Quinn said "Of course."

Sandi pulls them both into a group hug.

Jim said "Sandi, we're more than just your friends. We're your family."

The three of them stay huddled in a group hug.

Sandi asked "Can I stay in one of your spare rooms tonight? I don't wanna be alone."

Jim said "It's alright with me."

Quinn said "Come on, Sandi. Let's go home."

Sandi is visibly moved by Quinn and Jim's actions.

 _I've lost one family, but found a better one._

* * *

 **Pizza King, the next day...**

Quinn and Daria are catching up. Quinn is telling her sister about the incident with Sandi and Linda.

"...so once we got back to the house we all had a pleasant evening. We just stayed up late talking about whatever. So, how have you been?"

Daria said "I've got a new boyfriend, Mack MacKenzie."

Quinn's eyes go wide.

"I thought after Tom you swore off guys who'd previously been with Jane."

Daria said "I changed my mind after Jane gave me a go ahead. So, you and Jim had to babysit Sandi."

Quinn said "Yeah. I think it helps that Sandi's cut Linda off. She's finally free to have her own life. She cheered up as it sunk in that despite this latest incident her life in general is still turning upward."

Daria said "We're turning into responsible adults, aren't we?"

Quinn said "So it seems, sis. So it seems."

They clink their soda cups together.

* * *

 **Next Time**

We take a trip back in time to 1982-83. Jake loses his job as Helen is expecting their second child.


	8. Creating Cute

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Creating Cute"**

 **story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Governors Park Restaurant, evening...**

Quinn is seated at the head of a huge table. Also seated there are Jim, Stacy (with Chucky next to her in a high chair), Chuck, Mack, Joey, Sandi, Lindy, Jane, Daria, Jake, Helen, Trent, Kevin, Brittany and Daryl. Brittany and Daryl exchange suggestive looks but Kevin, as usual, doesn't notice. Jim hands Quinn a box. She opens it. It's a gold charm bracelet.

"Happy birthday, Quinn."

Eyeing the bracelet, Quinn said "Jim, it's beautiful."

She kisses him on the cheek. At this point, Jake blurted out "I can't believe it's already been...um, How old are you?"

Quinn rolls her eyes.

"I'm 27, Dad."

Jake is genuinely surprised. He still doesn't know how old his daughters are. Meanwhile, Brittany told Kevin "I have to use the ladies room, I'll be back in a minute."

Taking a subtle cue from Brittany, Daryl said "I'll accompany you to...um...keep an eye on things."

Brittany and Daryl both get up and are obviously going to the restroom to get it on. Kevin suddenly looks thoughtful and suspicious. Could it be the moment he finally realizes his wife is cheating on him? Finally...

"How did he know I was about to ask him to keep an eye on her?"

He shrugs.

"I guess this just proves how loyal a friend Daryl is."

Everyone rolls their eyes. Kevin still doesn't suspect a thing. Jake and Helen start to reminisce. Helen said "I remember my second pregnancy as if it were only yesterday."

Jake said "Boy, was that ever a stressful time. I was out of a job again." His expression darkens. "Damn double-dip recession!"

Jim said "I'm surprised you decided to have a second child under those circumstances."

Jake and Helen both look sheepish.

"Um...actually..."

Helen admitted "Quinn wasn't exactly planned."

Relieved that he didn't have to say it, Jake said "It's one hell of a good story."

Quinn braces herself for embarrassment.

* * *

 **An apartment building in Highland, TX, 1982, evening...**

 **Music:** "I Ran" by A Flock Of Seagulls

Jake and Helen are at the kitchen table. With them is a six-month old Daria in a high chair. Helen has a Farrah Fawcitt hairstyle while Jake has a feathered mullet because, well, it's 1982 and those were the in looks back then. Jake is reading a newspaper. He looks upset.

"Dammit! We're in a severe recession and they still won't lower interest rates. Damn Reaganomics!"

Helen rolls her eyes.

"Jake, this apartment is big enough for the three of us. It's not like we need to buy a house any time soon."

Jake looks relieved. Deciding to change the subject, he asked "So, honey, how was your day?"

Helen said "Well, Daria teethed one of my legal briefs. I really wish the firm would spring for a day care center. How was your day?"

Jake looks a little downcast.

"Lousy. We haven't had a client since last July. Mr. Henderson says if we don't get some new clients soon he'll have to resort to layoffs. I'm afraid I might lose my job."

Trying to be positive, Helen said "Jake, you worry too much."

Jake said "But how will I provide for you and Daria without a job?"

Helen rolls her eyes.

"Jake, you're getting ahead of yourself. Besides, my paycheck can be stretched to cover all three of us."

Jake breathes a huge sigh of relief. Cut to Daria, staring with more intensity than is normal for a six-month old. Jake notices.

"Helen, have you ever noticed how Daria just stares? It's almost like she's making mental notes of everything going on around her."

Helen said "Jake, that's ridiculous. She's only six months old."

Baby Daria has that famous half-smile.

* * *

 **Jake and Helen's bedroom, a short while later...**

 **Music:** "Cool Night" by Paul Davis

Jake is sitting up in bed in his pajamas. Helen emerges from the bathroom in a skimpy black nightgown that leaves very little to the imagination. She climbs into bed with Jake. With a sly tone, he asked "What's the occasion?"

Helen said "You seemed so tense today I figured I'd give you a back rub in my sexiest piece of sleepwear."

Jake likes where this is going. He takes off his pajama top. Helen rubs his shoulders. She said "Jake, you shouldn't worry so much. Think of all the good things you have. A hot wife who loves you, a beautiful baby girl."

Jake said "You're right, Helen. In fact, now that you mention it, I'm doing pretty damn good."

His expression darkens. He looks at the floor and shakes his fist.

"YOU HEAR THAT, MAD DOG!? LITTLE JAKEY'S DOING PRETTY DAMN ALRIGHT, YOU HEARTLESS, RIGID SONOFA..."

Helen barked "Jake, calm down! You'll wake the baby."

This snaps Jake out of his impending rant.

"Sorry."

Helen gets an idea. She smiles suggestively as she climbs onto Jake's lap. In an erotic tone, she said "Tell you what, big boy. Let's skip the rub and go straight to the happy ending." In a very breathy tone, she says "Take me."

They start to passionately make out.

 **Helen:** (VO from 2010) "In the heat of the moment we forgot I was still off the pill and didn't think to use a condom."

Jake pulls Helen's nightgown off and tosses it to the floor. Helen shoves him down on his back but only get to see her bare back before cutting to the next scene.

* * *

 **An office building in Highland, 1982, day...**

Jake is at his desk. He looks bored.

 **Jake:** (VO from 2010) "It was a few weeks later that I finally got the news I'd been dreading."

A blonde woman approaches Jake's cubicle.

"Mr. Morgendorffer, Mr. Henderson needs to see you in his office right away."

Jake has a look of pure dread on his face.

* * *

 **Mr. Henderson's office, a short time later...**

Mr. Henderson is seated behind his desk. He's wearing a dark blue business suit and has slick black hair. Jake is seated in front of Mr. Henderson's desk.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Henderson."

Henderson nods. He said "As you know business has been down since the recession. Unfortunately, it's now reached a point where we have to downsize. Since you've only been with us a year you lack seniority."

Jake is so nervous that he start's to sweat.

"What are you saying, sir?"

Henderson said "I'm sorry, Morgendorffer, but I'm afraid we have to let you go. If it was up to me you'd stay on but the plain fact is that we have to cut staff and you haven't been here long enough to have any significant accomplishments."

Jake looks like he was just punched in the gut.

"But I have a wife and daughter to support."

Henderson asked "Does she work?"

Jake nods.

"She's an attorney at Baylor, Clemmins and Clayton."

Henderson said "Then she makes enough to cover you and the kid until you get back on your feet. Consider yourself lucky. Most men are the sole supporter of their families."

Jake whined "But I'm a man. Providing is my responsibility."

Henderson looks sympathetic.

"I understand. Believe me when I say that if there was another way I'd do it. I don't want to let you go but I have no choice."

Jake hangs his head and sighs.

* * *

 **Jake and Helen's apartment building, day...**

 **Music:** "You Should Hear How She Talks About You" by Melissa Manchester

Helen is walking toward her and Jake's apartment with Daria in a stroller and a very serious expression on her face.

 **Helen:** (VO from 2010) "The same day Jake lost his job I found out I was pregnant again."

 **1982 Helen:** (Thought VO) _I can't believe we didn't use protection that night, but I honestly didn't think I could get pregnant again so soon after giving birth. The gynocologist confirmed it, though. I'm pregnant again._

Helen reaches the door to her and Jake's apartment. She takes the keys and unlocks the door.

 _If Jake loses his job we'll be in real trouble. My paycheck can't be stretched to cover another baby while I'm still paying off my student loans._

The door opens and Helen enters. She's surprised to find Jake sitting on the couch drinking a martini. He looks extremely worried.

"Jake, what are you doing home already?"

Jake takes a sip of his martini. Helen is now very worried. She sits down next to him.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

Jake sighs.

"I was laid off today."

Helen gasps with dread as Jake becomes angry. Pounding his fist on the couch, he shouted "DAMN REAGANOMICS!"

Helen said "Jake, calm down."

Jake takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Helen. I know you make enough to cover the bills until I can find another job but still."

Helen said "Jake, a lot of people are losing their jobs right now. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Jake said "But I'm the man. Responsibility to provide for the family shouldn't fall on your shoulders."

Helen rolls her eyes.

"Jake, it's the eighties. A lot of women provide for their families now. This whole "men must be the sole breadwinners" business is just your father talking."

Jake looks angry.

"Hey, you're right!"

He looks at the floor and violently shakes his fist.

"GODDAMN YOU, MAD DOG!"

"JAKE, CALM DOWN THIS INSTANT!"

This snaps him out of his impending rant.

"Sorry."

He now has a cautiously optimistic smile.

"You're right. Your salary can cover the bills until I get another job. After all, we only have one kid. But enough about me. How was your day?"

Helen looks nervous.

"I'm pregnant."

Jake's eyes go wide with panic.

"GAHHHH!"

* * *

 **Act II**

 **Jake and Helen's apartment building in Highland, 1982, day...**

Jake has just told Helen he lost his job and Helen's just told him that she's pregnant again.

"GAH! PREGNANT! YOU CAN'T BE PREGNANT! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?"

Struggling to stay calm, Helen said "Jake, we had unprotected sex. I didn't think I could get pregnant again so soon after giving birth. After all, it took almost two years of trying to have Daria."

Jake whined "Helen, I'm out of a job."

"I know, Jake."

On the verge of panic, Jake said "What are we gonna do?"

Helen said "My paycheck can cover you, me and Daria but I'm still paying off the loans I used to go to law school. We can't afford another child right now."

Jake whined "Dammit, Helen. Why didn't you go back on the pill after Daria?"

Helen gets angry.

"Hey, you're the one who never bothers to buy condoms!"

Jake ranted "Dammit, Helen, I can't think of everything! I'd need a super brain to do that and I just don't have it. I JUST DON'T HAVE IT!"

"JAKE, CALM DOWN THIS INSTANT!"

Jake takes a deep breath to calm himself.

"We still can't afford another kid. What are we gonna do?"

Helen sighs.

"We have no choice. I have to get an abortion."

Jake breathes a huge sigh of relief.

"I forgot about that. Of course, we have a perfect solution. Are you sure you want an abortion?"

Helen said "No, but we can't afford another child right now. We have no choice but to have an abortion."

* * *

 **Governors Park, Lawndale, 2010, evening...**

It's Quinn's 27th birthday. All of her friends are listening to Jake and Helen tell the story. Quinn looks horrified.

"YOU WERE GONNA ABORT ME!?"

Daria joked "That would've been alright with me."

Hurt by the joke, Quinn said "Daria!"

"Sorry, bad joke."

Quinn decides not to press the issue with Daria but keep her ire on her parents.

"I can't believe you were gonna abort me."

Helen explained "Sweetie, you have to understand our situation at the time. I was still paying off student loans and your father had just lost his job."

Jake said "We didn't want to, but we felt we had no choice."

Jim puts a hand on Quinn's shoulder.

"Quinn, I thought you were pro-choice."

Quinn said "It's a little different when you're the fetus in question."

Jim said "Well, they obviously didn't go through with it."

Stacy asked "What changed your minds?"

* * *

 **A Planned Parenthood clinic in Highland, 1982, day...**

The clinic is surrounded by protesters with signs that say things like "Choose Life", "Abortion is Murder", and "Fornicator's Will Burn In Hell". Jake and Helen have to walk through this to get to the clinic. One protester, a man, gets in their faces.

"You're gonna burn in Hell, you baby killers."

A woman points at Helen.

"You should've kept your legs shut, you slut!"

A man with a bible blocks their path.

"What you're doing is an affront to the Lord."

* * *

 **The waiting room, a short time later...**

 **Music:** "Don't You Want Me" by The Human League

Jake and Helen are sitting down and both look distraught. Thinking about the protesters, Jake said "I can't believe those idiots."

Helen said "Can't they understand that this isn't about life and death? It's about female autonomy. I guess they prefer us barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen."

Jake shakes his fist.

"Damn Moral Majority!"

Helen now looks thoughtful.

"Still, I can't help thinking that some of them had a point."

Jake's face turns pale, which Helen notices. Helen explained "I mean that woman who said I was irresponsible. I have to admit it was pretty thoughtless of us to have unprotected sex when we weren't ready for another child."

Jake said "But Helen, we can't afford another kid right now."

Helen said "I know, and I believe in the right to choose. The problem is that now that I have to make that choice I feel conflicted."

A man who's obviously a priest approaches.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhearing. Are you having second thoughts about an abortion?"

Helen said "Yes, I believe in the right to choose but it's turning out to be a harder choice than I imagined."

The priest said "I understand. I assume you're aware of the church's stance on both abortion and birth control."

Jake said "That they're both mortal sins."

The priest nods. What he has to say next actually surprises them.

"I may be a man of the cloth but I also live in the modern world. I know things are never so simple."

Helen looks curious.

"What are you saying, father?"

The priest said "I'm saying that you need to do what feels right to you. Whether or not it actually is right is God's decision alone, not yours, not mine and certainly not the protesters outside. Maybe abortion is the best course of action in your case, maybe not. You need to do what works for you."

With that the priest gets up and leaves. Cut to the receptionist.

"Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer, the doctor will see you now."

Helen takes a deep breath.

"Jake, I've changed my mind. Let's go home."

* * *

 **Jake and Helen's apartment building, that evening...**

Jake and Helen are at the kitchen table going over their financials. Daria is already asleep in her crib. Helen said "I've figured out how to stretch things enough to cover a second child. Thankfully, those tax cuts the President passed last year made it easier since I have more take home pay than I used to."

Jake said "Maybe Reaganomics isn't so bad after all."*

*( **A/N:** Yet another step in their transition from hippies to yuppies.)

Helen said "We still have to make sacrifices. With you unemployed you're going to have to shoulder more responsibilities with Daria while I work overtime. If I put in seventy hour weeks until the baby's born, combined with the automatic 15 percent increase in take home pay I've gotten from the tax cuts plus another 10 percent increase next year it should be enough to cover our bills, my student loans and a second child."

Jake said "Thank God!"

Helen explained "Jake, this means you'll have to be the homemaker for the time being. Also, you should still look for another job. This recession can't last forever and I'll need to cut back my hours once the baby's born."

"Don't worry, you can count on old Jakey."

He looks thoughtful.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Helen?"

"Why do you ask?"

Nervous, Jake said "It's just...well...you see...um..."

Helen gives him a piercing glance that makes him feel like a deer caught in the headlights. Finally, Jake said "Well, you know how conservative people are in this part of the country. What if they see you working so hard and think "That poor woman, to be married to such a loser that she has to work while pregnant" then they look at me and think "What a loser, he can't even provide for his family. He'll never be a real man"."

His expression darkens. Helen sighs as she knows what's coming.

"My father told me I'd never have what it takes to be a real man. Oh, Did he ever love to lay into me for that. "You're a sissy, Jake." "I don't know if I have a son or a daughter, Jake." "YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO A GODDAMN THING, JAKE." YOU WERE RIGHT, MAD DOG. YOU WIN!"

He looks at the floor and shakes his fist.

"GODDAMN YOU, OLD MAN! YOU WIN, ALRIGHT! YOU WIN, YOU LOUSY, RIGID, HEARTLESS GODDAMN, MOTHER..."

"JAKE!"

This snaps him out of his rant.

"Sorry!"

Helen rolls her eyes.

* * *

 **Musical montage**

 **Music:** "She Works Hard For The Money" by Donna Summer

First, we see Helen going over legal briefs late at night at the firm. Close up of the clock reveals the time to be 1:00 am. Next, we see Jake changing Daria's diaper. Close up of his face shows that he looks worried. Next, Jake looks shocked. Pan out to reveal that Daria has peed on him. Cut to a close up of baby Daria. She has a smug half-smile. Next, we see a visibly pregnant Helen arguing a case in court. Next, we see Jake alone at the table. Cut to the kitchen clock. It's midnight and Helen still isn't home. Next, we see that Helen's not home because she's still at the office preparing a deposition. Next is a shot of Jake in the park while Daria's in a stroller. Cut to some mothers with babies in strollers. they point at Jake and snicker. Cut to another shot of a Helen, now seven months along, arguing a case in court. Next, we see the other lawyers at the firm praising Helen for her dedication. Next, a shot of Jake at the apartment eating a TV dinner alone. Cut to Helen attending an office Christmas party. Finally, Jake watching the ball drop at Times Square on TV. He's alone because Helen's still at the office.

* * *

 **Act III**

 **Jake and Helen's apartment building in Highland, 1983, evening...**

 **Music:** "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics

Jake is sitting alone watching TV.

 **Jake:** (VO from 2010) "By the new year the economy had turned around and businesses were hiring again. It was still tough going, though."

The door opens and Helen walks in. She plops down on the sofa next to Jake. She is now over eight months pregnant. Jake asked "Another fourteen hour day?"

Helen nods.

"Two courtroom appearances and five depositions. How was your day?"

Jake said "I got a call from one of the places I sent a resume to. They want to interview me for a new position."

Helen's face lights up.

"Jake, that's wonderful!"

Jake said "I hope I get this job. Then you won't have to work so hard."

Helen said "But I don't mind. Truth be told, I actually enjoy it."

Jake's jaw drops.

"You enjoy working eighty hours a week while pregnant!?"

Helen said "Yes. In fact, it seems to have awoken a latent sense of ambition in me. I can be a full time mother and a full time career woman. I can be the first woman to make partner at a major law firm and be the perfect wife and mother at the same time. I really can have it all. Especially once you're working again."

Jake said "But Helen, the doctor said you need to cut back on work for the sake of the baby."

Helen gets defensive.

"What does that old codger know? I can be it all, I WILL be it all. I'll only take minimum maternity leave for the baby, then return to full time work and make partner before I'm thirty-five."

Jake said "Helen, isn't that a tad unrealistic?"

Helen, with a fierce determination in her voice, said "No, it's my chance to prove that women can cut it as more than wives and mothers. I can have it all."

Jake lets out a defeated sigh.

* * *

 **An office building in Highland, day...**

Jake is seated in front of a desk being interviewed for a job. The interviewer, Mr. Mortoni, bears a disturbing resemblence to Benito Mussolini.

 **Jake:** (VO from 2010) "At the interview the next day was when I first met HIM. The lousy mini-Mussolini who'd make the next fourteen years of my life an insufferable hell."

Mortoni asked "So, Morgendorffer, what can you bring to this company?"

Jake said "A willingness to do whatever it takes to help the company succeed."

With an evil grin, Mortoni said "That's what I like to hear! As an employee you will be expected to put the job before everything. This is more important than your family. You put the company before your family, your country and even God. You will be expected to be at my beck and call 24/7. Can you do that?"

Jake looks thoughtful.

 _If I take this job I'll turn into what I've always hated, another cog in the machine. But I need this job. Helen works way too hard and if I work like that she won't have too. I'll always be at this guys beck and call, but it's for the best._

Mortoni becomes visibly impatient.

"WELL!? I ASKED YOU A QUESTION! ARE YOU WILLING TO PUT THE JOB BEFORE EVERYTHING?"

Jake looks resigned.

 _I have no choice. "_ Yes. Yes, I am."

Mortoni smiles maliciously. He extends his hand to Jake.

"Welcome aboard, Morgendorffer."

They shake hands.

"When do I start?"

"Right now. GET TO WORK!"

"EEP!"

* * *

 **Law Offices of Baylor, Clemmins and Clayton...**

 **Music:** "Working For The Weekend" by Loverboy

Helen is meeting with her boss, Mr. Baylor. He's a fat man with a mustache who dresses more like a cowboy than a lawyer. With a heavy Texas twang, he said "Well, lil' lady, I gotta say I'm mighty impressed with your output over these last few months."

Helen said "Why, thank you, Mr. Baylor."

Baylor said "In fact, if you were a man you'd be a shoo-in for partner right now."

Ignoring the sexist undertone, Helen said "I understand that me as a partner isn't practical right now, but what about the future. Say, when both children are in school?"

Baylor said "Whoa, there, lil' missy. You know I got no problem with that. The problem is that you know how them other boys are about promotin' women-folk."

Helen looks downcast.

"I see." _Chauvanist bastard._

Baylor said "B'sides, you're a momma. Ain't them kids yer first responsibility?"

"I suppose." _Dammit, I know there's no way they'll make a woman partner. Unless I keep giving it my all after the baby's born. Well, if that's what I have to do._

Just then, Helen appears to be in pain. She bends over and groans. Cut to a concerned looking Baylor.

"You alright?"

Helen groaned "I...oooo...I'm...ugh...going into labor."

* * *

 **Highland General Hospital, night...**

 **Music:** "Family Man" by Hall and Oates

We see Jake's car come to a screeching halt in front of the hospital. He runs inside.

 **Int. Shot:** The maternity ward

Jake runs through the hall way. He stops at an observation window. And taps the glass to get a nurses attention.

"Morgendorffer. MORGENDORFFER!"

Cut to a nurse. She points to an empty cradle. Cut to Helen's room. Helen is holding a newborn Quinn in her arms. Jake rushes through the door, slips and falls on his ass.

"GAH! DAMMIT!"

Cut to Helen. She smiles at the new baby.

"That's your father."

Jake comes over. Helen gives him a disappointed look. She said "I gave birth six hours ago. Where the hell were you?"

Jake said "I got the job, but he insisted I start immediately. He wouldn't let me off until twenty minutes ago. What did I miss?"

Helen said "I went into labor at the office so Mr. Baylor drove me over. I spent four hours in labor before giving birth to a baby girl. Since you weren't here I went ahead and named her myself."

Jake asked "What's her name?"

Helen said "Quinn. Quinn Louise Morgendorffer."

Jake looks at baby Quinn.

"Goo-goo."

Quinn crys uncontrollably. This makes Jake uncomfortable.

* * *

 **Governor's Park Restaurant, Lawndale, 2010...**

Helen and Jake finish telling the story to Quinn and all of the guests. Helen concluded "And that's the story of how you were born, sweetie."

Something occurs to Daria.

"If Dad was stuck at work that whole time then who taped that footage of her actual birth?"

Helen said "Mr. Baylor."

Quinn decides to change the subject. She looks at Jim.

"Should we tell them?"

Jim said "Now's as good a time as any."

Quinn opens up her purse.

"Even though it's my birthday I have a present for all of you."

She pulls out cream colored envelops and hands half of them to Jim. Cut to Jake and Helen as they each open theirs. Cut to their POV. An ornately decorated note reads:

 **You are cordially invited to**

 **The Wedding Of...**

 **Quinn Morgendorffer**

 **James Carbone**

 **To be held on...**

 **Saturday**

 **The 22nd of May, 2010**

 **at**

 **Winged Tree Country Club**

Cut back to third person. Jake and Helen are visibly amazed.

"Wing Tree! Wow!"

Helen asked "How on Earth can you afford such a venue?"

Quinn and Jim are both grinning. Quinn said "That's the best part. They're letting us use it for free."

Jim added "The Sloane's owed us some favors and we called them in."

Stacy raises a glass in toast.

"Congratulations!"

Sandi raises her glass.

"To Quinn and Jim!"

Lindy raises her glass.

"Cheers!"

Everyone else raises their glasses.

"CHEERS!"

Quinn and Jim as raise their glasses in return.

Quinn said "Cheers, everyone!"

Jim added "Centanni, salute!"

Trent is puzzled.

"Spanish, cool!"

Jim rolls his eyes.

"That was Italian, not Spanish. It means one hundred years."

Trent said "Cool!"

They all continue to make light conversation.

* * *

 **Next Time**

When Quinn can't decide who she wants to be maid of honor at her wedding Stacy and Sandi start to fight for the title.


	9. Maidzillas

I used to write in script and convert to prose when I posted here. The process became so time consuming that I now only write in prose. This fic is the last one originally written in script form and I have chosen to leave it unchanged for posterity. All else will be written in prose only to save time. Enjoy...

 **Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Maidzillas"**

 **written by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Act I**

 **Scene 1**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's house, day

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Close up of Daria and Jane sitting next to each other on the sofa.

 **Daria:** I can't beleive we're doing this.

 **Jane:** I can't believe I drove down from New York for this and we're missing Sick, Sad World.

 **Daria:** No, Jane, I'm beginning to think we're on it.

Pan out to show that Quinn, Stacy, Sandi and Lindy are also there.

 **Quinn:** Thanks for coming, everyone. As you all know Jim and I are getting married in May. I asked you here because I want you to be my bridesmaids.

 **Jane:** Nice.

 **Daria:** Jane, remember when I was a bridesmaid at Erin's wedding?

 **Jane:** You in an ill-fitting dress is kind of hard to forget.

 **Stacy:** I'd love to be a bridesmaid at your wedding.

 **Sandi:** (sly tone) Which one of us is the maid of honor?

 **Quinn:** I haven't decided yet.

Stacy faces Sandi.

 **Stacy:** It's perfectly obvious who the maid of honor will be. Her best friend.

 **Sandi:** Quinn, I consider it an honor to be your maid of honor.

Stacy gets angry.

 **Stacy:** Excuse me! I'm her best friend.

She turns to Quinn.

 **Stacy:** Quinn, I'd love to be your matron of honor.

Sandi's old bitchiness now returns in full force.

 **Sandi:** Get real, Stacy. I was President of the Fashion Club.

Stacy refuses to back down.

 **Stacy:** Not since we disbanded it ten years ago.

The two girls stare daggers at each other. Cut to Quinn.

 **Quinn:** Guys, I haven't decided yet.

They don't even hear her.

 **Stacy:** She was maid of honor at my wedding.

 **Sandi:** I made her vice president on her first day of high school.

Cut to a nervous looking Quinn.

* * *

 **Scene 2**

 **Int. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's basement

Jim is in the basement rec room with Mack, Chuck, Kevin and Joey. The room has a TV with video game console, a bar, a pool table and a card table. The walls are covered in sports memrobilia and Playboy centerfolds. It's a total man cave. The guys are seated at the bar.

 **Jim:** So I want you guys to be my groomsmen. My brother, Chris, is also gonna be a groomsman.

 **Kevin:** Cool.

 **Chuck:** Who's gonna be the best man?

 **Jim:** It was going to be Chris, but he declined. I can't say I blame him. He is going through a pretty rough divorce right now. Brooke's trying to take everything from him. He's currently living in a motel. Anyways, my new pick for best man is going to depend on who Quinn picks as a maid of honor.

 **Joey:** That works for me.

Kevin looks deflated.

 **Kevin:** Brittany's not gonna be a bridesmaid, so that puts me off the list.

Everyone looks at Kevin with surprise at his insight.

 **Kevin:** What?

 **Mack:** By the way, Kevin, what's Brittany up to today?

 **Kevin:** Right now she's at the gym with Daryl.

 **Ext. Shot:** The abandoned quarry

 **Music:** "Can't Get Enough Of Your Love" by Bad Company

We see Kevin's Hummer rocking up and down. We don't see what's going on inside, but we hear...

 **Brittany:** (VO from Hummer) Ah...Oh...DARYL...yes...yes...YES...

 **Int. Shot:** Jim's man cave

 **Kevin:** I'd think she's cheating on me but Daryl's with her. He can keep an eye on things.

The other guys give Kevin a pitying look. He STILL hasn't figured it out.

* * *

 **Scene 3**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, evening

 **Int. Shot:** The kitchen

Jake, Helen, Daria and Jane are seated around the table having dinner. Jane decided to stay a few days.

 **Jane:** Thanks for letting me stay a couple of days, Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer.

 **Jake:** Our pleasure, Jane-o!

 **Helen:** Are you sure Alan won't mind?

Jane shrugs.

 **Jane:** He's excavating an ancient burial site in Ontario. Keeping in touch is easier this time since he's in an English-speaking country.

Jake looks at Jane suspiciously.

 **Jake:** How come we never meet this Alan?

 **Jane:** I just told you, he travels a lot for work.

 **Jake:** You know, Jane, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I had an imaginary friend as a child. (His voice turns bitter.) Not like I could make any real friends. My father always had to scare the other kids off. And if he caught me playing "let's pretend" watch out. "Men don't play pretend games, Jake." "Man up, Jake." "Quit being a GODDAMN BABY, JAKE." "I'M SICK OF YOU BEING A SISSY-ASS, JAKE."

Jane takes out a small necklace that she had in her jacket for just such an emergency.

 **Jane:** Look, a handmade necklace.

This snaps Jake out of his rant.

 **Jake:** Neato!

While he plays with the necklace Helen resumes conversation with Daria and Jane.

 **Helen:** So, how was your afternoon at Quinn and Jim's?

 **Daria:** Quinn wants me and Jane to be bridesmaids at the wedding along with Stacy, Sandi and Lindy.

 **Helen:** That's nice of her, to include you. Not like RITA at HER wedding.

Daria and Jane exchange worried looks as Helen now seems on the verge of a rant of her own.

 **Helen:** But, I shouldn't be so bitter. At least you and Quinn were able to outgrow YOUR rivalry.

There's a definite note of envy in Helen's voice that Daria and Jane notice.

 **Daria:** She hasn't picked a maid of honor yet.

 **Jane:** Stacy and Sandi starting fighting for the title almost immediately.

 **Daria:** I think we're gonna attend a funeral before the wedding happens.

 **Jane:** But who's?

Helen looks a tad disturbed by their maccabre sense of humor.

* * *

 **Scene 4**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's house, night

 **Int. Shot:** The master bedroom

Quinn and Jim are sitting up in bed while Storm sleeps in his dog basket.

 **Quinn:** So, Jim, how'd the meeting of potential groomsmen go?

 **Jim:** They're all on board.

 **Quinn:** Who's gonna be the best man?

 **Jim:** We agreed that would depend on your pick for maid of honor.

Quinn frowns.

 **Quinn:** I can't decide who I want to be maid of honor. Lindy and Jane are content with just being bridesmaids. I know Daria well enough to know that she isn't interested. That leaves Sandi and Stacy.

 **Jim:** Why can't you decide?

 **Quinn:** They both feel it's rightfully theirs. Stacy makes the case that she's the first friend I made when we moved here from Texas and we've been consistently tight since then. On the other hand, Sandi's had it so hard over the past ten years that she says it's time for her moment in the sun. I can't decide because they both have valid points.

 **Jim:** Why don't I pick a best man and you make your maid of honor choice based on that?

 **Quinn:** I suggested that and they both guilt tripped me. My pick shows how much they mean to me. Whatever I decide someones feelings get hurt.

Jim looks sympathetic.

* * *

 **Scene 5**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's house, day

 **Int. Shot:** The kitchen

Quinn is pouring cake batter into a mold. On the table is a camcorder mounted on a tripod. Quinn speaks to the camera.

 **Quinn:** So now just pour the batter into the mold for shape and..

The phone rings. Quinn shuts off the camcorder and goes to the phone.

 **Quinn:** Hello?

Split-screen to reveal Stacy on the other end of the line.

 **Stacy:** Hey, Quinn.

 **Quinn:** What's going on?

 **Stacy:** I was just wondering if you've made a decision on who the maid, or matron, of honor will be. I'd consider it a huge honor to be matron of honor at your wedding. After all, you were the maid of honor at my wedding.

 **Quinn:** Stacy, we've been best friends since we were fourteen. That won't change, no matter who my maid, or matron, of honor is.

 **Stacy:** I know. But consider that our friendship's been consistent. Sandi, not so much. Back in high school you and her could be more accurately be described as frenemies. Remember that huge fight you had senior year?

 **Quinn:** Yeah.

 **Stacy:** She dropped out of our lives for five whole months after that. Yeah, you made up. But then what happened? We all lost touch with her during college. She didn't even try to come to us for help after her mother disowned her. In fact, it's entirely by accident that she even came back into our lives. Some friend.

 **Quinn:** Stacy, Sandi is our friend.

 **Stacy:** Yeah, now. But that wasn't always the case. You and I, on the other hand, have been BFF's all along. Just think about it. Okay?

Quinn looks a little guilty.

 **Quinn:** Okay.

 **Stacy:** I gotta go. Later, Quinn.

 **Quinn:** Bye, Stacy.

Stacy's side of the split screen disappears as they hang up. No sooner does Quinn hang up when the phone rings again. Quinn answers.

 **Quinn:** Hello.

 **Sandi:** (VO, from phone) Quinn, I was wondering who you picked to be maid of honor. I have a list of reasons that it shouldn't be Stacy.

Quinn frowns. This is going to get worse before it gets better.

* * *

 **Act II**

 **Scene 1**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's house, day

 **Int. Shot:** The kitchen

Quinn is on the phone. Split screen to reveal Sandi on the other end of the line. Sandi is trying to talk Quinn into making her maid of honor by slamming Stacy.

 **Sandi:** ...and then there was that time she cried uncontrollably at a Fashion Club meeting.

 **Quinn:** (a little irritated) Because you were threatening to kick her out.

 **Sandi:** How about the time she lost her virginity to Bret Strand?

 **Quinn:** That was high school!

 **Sandi:** She put out on the first date.

 **Quinn:** Which we successfully covered up out of concern for her reputation.

 **Sandi:** Would you rather the school had re-named us the Slut Club?

Quinn rolls her eyes.

 **Quinn:** First off, it was high school. Second, if that's a reason not to have Stacy as matron of honor so's the fact that you're a stripper.

Sandi. for the first time in years, makes that famous scowl of hers.

 **Sandi:** Are you calling me a hypocrite, Kuh-winn?

The tone makes Quinn immediately backpedal.

 **Quinn:** Oh, Sandee, I would never call you that. I'm just saying there are more important criteria for picking a maid of honor.

 **Sandi:** I see! If you're so morally upright maybe YOU should be maid of honor.

 **Quinn:** Don't be ridiculous, Sandi.

 **Sandi:** So I'm ridiculous, am I?

Quinn rubs her temples.

 **Quinn:** Look, Sandi, we can discuss this later. After you stop acting like an alpha bitch.

Sandi's side of the split screen disappears as Quinn angrily hangs up.

 **Quinn:** (Thought VO) _God, it's like high school all over again!_

* * *

 **Scene 2**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, day

 **Int. Shot:** Daria's room

Daria and Jane are watching Sick, Sad World. Just like old times. Cut to the screen and we see a man in a tuxedo at the altar next to a Sasquatch in a wedding dress.

 **TV Announcer:** He found the woman of his dreams...was an ape. I Married Bigfoot...Next on Sick, Sad World!

Cut back to Daria and Jane.

 **Daria:** Wasn't the groom also that guy who got an anal probe from little green men?

 **Jane:** I guess there is such a thing as a paranormal fetish.

 **Daria:** At least he didn't marry a vampire.

At this point, Jake enters.

 **Jake:** How are you kids?

 **Daria:** Enjoying a little female bonding.

 **Jane:** We're having girl talk, so...

 **Jake:** No need to be embarrassed. I don't judge you for having an imaginary boyfriend.

 **Daria:** Excuse me!?

Jake sits next to Jane.

 **Jake:** So, tell me about this "Alan".

Jane rolls her eyes.

 **Jane:** If you must know, he's an archeaologist.

 **Jake:** You made up a friend who's an archaeologist!? Wow!

 **Jane:** He's not imaginary.

 **Jake:** Then how come he's never around?

 **Jane:** Because he travels.

Jake is impressed.

 **Jake:** Wow! That's one great imagination you've got there, Jane-o.

Daria and Jane exchange knowing looks.

 **Daria:** All right, Dad. You win. Jane made Alan up and I've been playing along.

Jane points out the door.

 **Jane:** There he is now. Back so soon, Alan?

Jake decides to play along. He walks out the door and shakes hands with thin air.

 **Jake:** Nice to meet you, Alan. I'm Jake.

He acts like he's patting someone on the back.

 **Jake:** Have you met my friend Doug? (He points to thin air.) He was my imaginary friend before I was sent to military school.

Jake smiles as he looks at nothing.

 **Jake:** Look kids, they're hitting it off. What's that?

He pretends to listen to someone.

 **Jake:** I'd love to show you how to cook!

He excitedly walks off. Cut to Daria and Jane.

 **Jane:** His inner child's completely taken over, hasn't it?

Daria nods.

* * *

 **Scene 3**

 **Ext. Shot:** Lawndale Mall, day

 **Int. Shot:** The mall

Quinn is walking with Sandi and Stacy. They are out shopping.

 **Stacy:** So, Quinn, have you made a decision who your maid of honor is yet?

 **Quinn:** Stacy, could we please talk about something else?

Sandi smirks.

 **Sandi:** Of course, Quinn. Besides, who you pick is up to you. I just hope you pick your best friend.

Stacy becomes angry.

 **Stacy:** Excuse me!? I'm her best friend!

Sandi stares Stacy down.

 **Sandi:** After me, that is.

Quinn looks uncomfortable.

 **Quinn:** Um, guys...

 **Stacy:** You dropped out of her life for four years!

 **Sandi:** And came back.

 **Stacy:** By accident!

 **Sandi:** Stacy, you're married and I'm not.

 **Stacy:** SO!?

 **Sandi:** You've had a perfect life. Why not let me have this moment?

 **Stacy:** Quinn was maid of honor at my wedding. Also, our friendship hasn't been an on and off roller coaster. I was the first friend she made when she arrived in Lawndale.

 **Sandi:** I made her vice president of the Fashion Club.

 **Stacy:** After I asked you to let her join!

Quinn looks even more uncomfortable.

 **Quinn:** Um, guys?

They ignore her.

 **Sandi:** I deserve to be maid of honor!

 **Stacy:** No, I deserve to be matron of honor!

 **Quinn:** Um, Guys?

Sandi and Stacy turn towards Quinn.

 **Sandi and Stacy:** WHAT!?

Quinn looks like a deer caught in headlights.

 **Quinn:** Um...Never mind.

* * *

 **Scene 4**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, day

We see Helen walk up to and open the front door.

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Helen closes the door behind her.

 **Helen:** I'm home!

 **Jake:** (VO, off screen) In the kitchen, honey!

Cut to the kitchen. Jake is stirring a pot of tomato sauce.

 **Helen:** Jake, you're not experimenting again, are you?

 **Jake:** No, we're sticking to the sauce recipie I got from Gina.

Helen breathes a sigh of relief.

 **Jake:** You see, Alan. That's how you do it!

Helen looks puzzled.

 **Helen:** Alan?

 **Jake:** I'm borrowing Jane's imaginary boyfriend. I forgot how much fun it is to have an imaginary playmate.

Helen rolls her eyes as she realizes that Jake's inner child has struck again.

 **Helen:** For crying out loud, Jake. Alan's not here and he's not imaginary. He really is Jane's boyfriend.

Jake smiles.

 **Jake:** Thanks for playing along, honey.

Helen lets out an exacerbated sigh.

 **Helen:** Jake, as much as I enjoy it when we role play in the bedroom this is a little...creepy.

 **Jake:** But, Jane and Daria play this game. They were playing it with me earlier when they introduced me to Alan.

Helen starts to lose her patience.

 **Helen:** For crying out loud, Jake, they were joking!

Jake speaks to thin air.

 **Jake:** Don't mind her, Alan. She gets like this sometimes.

Helen buries her face in her hand out of frustration.

 **Helen:** UGH!

* * *

 **Scene 5**

 **Ext. Shot:** Lawndale Mall, day

 **Int. Shot:** The women's apparel section of Cashmans

Quinn is looking at some clothes while Sandi and Stacy continue to argue.

 **Sandi:** Stacy, just accept that I'm more suited to be maid of honor than you!

 **Stacy:** Dammit, Sandi, I'm more of a friend to Quinn than you ever were!

Quinn loses her patience.

 **Quinn:** Dammit, you two! I just want to have a nice girls afternoon out with my two closest friends and you're both ruining it with your constant arguing!

Sandi folds her arms.

 **Sandi:** So pick a maid of honor right now and settle the issue, Kuh-Winn!

The return of Sandi's old haughtiness is now seriously rubbing Quinn the wrong way.

 **Quinn:** Don't take that tone with me, Sandi.

Sandi's eyes narrow.

 **Sandi:** (through gritted teeth) Could I please be your maid of honor?

Stacy gets in Sandi's face.

 **Stacy:** Quinn's going to make me matron of honor, Sandi, and you know it.

Sandi has a wicked grin.

 **Sandi:** Stacy, do you want me to tell Quinn about a certain incident in sixth grade?

Stacy gasps and her face turns white as a sheet. She turns to Quinn.

 **Stacy:** (panicked voice) OHMYGOD! Quinn, please make Sandi maid of honor!

Quinn is now puzzled.

 **Quinn:** Stacy, what's going on?

 **Stacy:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, QUINN, MAKE SANDI THE MAID OF HONOR, NOW!

 **Quinn:** Why?

 **Stacy:** BECAUSE...BECAUSE...

Stacy starts to hyperventilate.

 **Sandi:** She doesn't want you to know that one time, in sixth grade, she needed to make an unscheduled bathroom break but the teacher wouldn't let her. She couldn't hold it in and wound up going in her pants before class let out. Numbers one AND two!

 **Stacy:** no...no...NOOOOOOOOOO!

She runs off crying while Sandi grins in triumph. Quinn stares daggers at Sandi.

 **End Act II.**

* * *

 **Act III**

 **Scene 1**

 **Ext. Shot:** Pizza King, day

 **Int. Shot:** Pizza King

Quinn and Jim are on a double date with Daria and Mack. Jane is with them. Quinn is telling them about the all out war between Sandi and Stacy.

 **Quinn:** ...so after I gave Sandi a brutal ass chewing we found Stacy. I had to reassure Stacy that I don't think less of her for something that happened when she was eleven. After that I got Sandi to apologize.

 **Mack:** How'd you manage that?

 **Quinn:** By telling Sandi she'd be dropped from my list of potential maids of honor if she didn't.

Quinn sighs before continuing.

 **Quinn:** My inability to pick a maid of honor has caused them both to regress back to our Fashion Club days.

 **Jim:** I'm not having that trouble with finding a best man. All the guys are okay with whatever decision I make.

 **Mack:** We already decided that if the maid of honor is Sandi then Joey will be Jim's best man, despite the fact that Jim doesn't know him very well.

 **Jim:** If it's Stacy then the best man will be chuck.

 **Quinn:** I wish I could be this casual with my decision, but we girls tend to give too much importance to this.

 **Daria:** Not all of us. I don't care who you pick.

 **Jane:** I'm content with just being a bridesmaid. Hell, I'd be content with just being on the guest list.

Quinn decides to change the subject.

 **Quinn:** How are things at home, Daria?

 **Daria:** Dad's convinced that Jane made Alan up.

 **Jane:** He's been playing let's pretend with an imaginary clone of my absentee boyfriend since then. He's regressed to a prepubescent state.

 **Daria:** Not that he ever grew out of it to begin with.

* * *

 **Scene 2**

 **Ext. Shot:** Morgendorffer House, day

 **Int. Shot:** the living room

Jake is sitting alone on the couch. He's having a thumb war with no one. Unless his imaginary version of Alan counts as a person.

 **Jake:** HA! I win again, Alan.

At this point, Jane comes in. Jake sees her.

 **Jake:** Oh! Hey, Jane-o!

 **Jane:** Hi, Mr. Morgendorffer.

Jake notices that Jane came in alone.

 **Jake:** Where's Daria?

 **Jane:** I wanted to give her and Mack some alone time so I just came back to change into my running clothes. What are you up to?

 **Jake:** Just pretending to have a thumb war with Alan. Having an imaginary friend is fun.

Jane rolls her eyes.

 **Jane:** Jake, about Alan...

 **Jake:** He's great, isn't he? Seriously, though, you need to find a real person.

Jane gasps in exasperation. Suddenly, there's a ring tone coming from her jacket. She pulls out her cell phone and answers.

 **Jane:** Hello?...Oh, Hi Alan...Nothing much...Hey, listen, could you talk to Daria's father for a minute...He thinks you're a figment of my imagination...Alright.

Jane hands the phone to Jake.

 **Jane:** Alan, as in the real Alan, wants to say hi.

Jake takes the phone.

 **Jake:** Hello...(his eyes go wide with shock)...You're real!

Jane smirks.

* * *

 **Scene 3**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's house, evening

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Quinn and Jim are sitting on the couch and talking. She still can't pick a maid of honor.

 **Quinn:** How can such a simple decision be so hard?

 **Jim:** Because they all mean a lot to you. My initial pick turned down the best man decision, that's the only reason I put it all on you. Sorry.

Quinn puts a reassuring hand on Jim's shoulder.

 **Quinn:** That's okay, Jim. Why was Chris your first choice, anyway?

 **Jim:** Duh, He's my brother. I understand that it's hard to choose between your two closest friends. That's why I left my decision to chance after Chris declined.

 **Quinn:** Why did Chris turn you down, anyway?

 **Jim:** The divorce. Being a best man doesn't feel right to him with his own marriage crumbling. I can't really say I disagree.

 **Quinn:** What should I do?

 **Jim:** Give it to the one who deserves it the most.

Quinn looks disappointed.

 **Quinn:** That doesn't help, Jim. On the one hand, Stacy is my best friend. She's been my best friend since I was fourteen. Sandi is my best friend, too, but with her it's been very on and off over the years. On the other hand, Sandi's had it so hard since high school. She deserves a chance at happiness.

 **Jim:** She'll get it whether she's maid of honor or not. She and Joey are doing much better the second time around.

 **Quinn:** So, what should I do?

 **Jim:** Think of all your bridesmaids and ask yourself, really ask yourself, which one's always had your back. Pick the one who's always been there and always will be.

Quinn looks thoughtful.

* * *

 **Scene 4**

 **Ext. Shot:** Quinn and Jim's house, day

 **Int. Shot:** The living room

Quinn and Jim are seated around the coffee table with Daria, Jane, Stacy, Sandi, Lindy, Chuck, Mack, Kevin and Joey.

 **Jim:** I guess you're all wondering why Quinn and I wanted you here today.

 **Daria:** (deadpan) Well, all of Quinn's bridesmaids and most of Jim's groomsmen. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume this is wedding business.

Quinn smiles.

 **Quinn:** Jim and I talked it over and we've decided on a maid of honor and a best man.

Sandi and Stacy both have their fingers crossed.

 **Stacy:** (under her breath) It's going to be me and Chuck, I know it.

 **Sandi:** (under her breath) Stacy, you're going down.

Cut to Quinn.

 **Quinn:** My maid of honor will be...Daria.

Cut to Stacy and Sandi. Their eyes go wide and their mouths hang open. Cut to an also surprised Daria.

 **Quinn:** I couldn't decide among my friends so I went with the one person who's been there for me since day one, my sister.

Quinn walks over to a speechless Daria and hugs her.

 **Quinn:** Congratulations, sis.

Cut to Jim and Mack as they shake hands.

 **Jim:** Congratulations, Mack. I want you to be my best man.

Mack smiles.

 **Mack:** I consider it an honor, Jim.

Cut to Stacy and Sandi.

 **Sandi:** Stacy, I'd like to apologize for being such a bitch.

 **Stacy:** Me too, Sandi. I'm sorry.

Stacy holds her hand out for Sandi to shake.

 **Stacy:** Friends?

Sandi, rather than shake Stacy's hand, hugs her.

 **Sandi:** We'll always be friends, Stacy.

* * *

 **Scene 5**

 **Ext. Shot:** Pizza King, day

 **Int. Shot:** Pizza King

Daria and Quinn are having some one on one sister time.

 **Daria:** I still can't believe you made me your maid of honor.

 **Quinn:** Well, I couldn't decide between my friends so if not you then who. Besides, I still owe you for all the times I was mean to you as a kid.

 **Daria:** Quinn, you don't owe me anything. You're my sister. Just don't expect to be matron of honor if and when I ever get married. That jobs going to Jane.

 **Quinn:** I understand. If she and Alan ever tie the knot you're gonna be maid of honor so it makes sense.

 **Daria:** But, you're still gonna be a bridesmaid because you're my sister and I love you.

 **Quinn:** I love you too, sis.

They both raise their soda cups in a toast.

 **Quinn:** To sisters.

They smile and clink cups.

 **End Credits.**

* * *

 **Next Time**

Helen takes a long, hard look at her life over the years and doesn't like what she sees. Will she decide to make some changes?


	10. Helen's Odyssey

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Helen's Odyssey"**

 **Story by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Law Offices of Vitale, Davis, Horowitz, Riordin, Schrecter, Schrecter, Schrecter and Morgendorffer...**

Helen is seated at her desk and looks miserable. She's alone with her thoughts..

 _How did I get to this? My lifelong dream of making partner has turned into a nightmare._

She shakes her head.

 _It wasn't my lifelong dream. I became a lawyer because I wanted to champion justice._

She thinks back to the day she and Jake left the commune. They wanted to change the world but now, thirty-seven years later, she's haunted by the words of her friend, Sunflower...

"You won't change the system, it'll change you."

Helen now knows that Sunflower was right. Her reflection is interrupted by the sound of her intercom going off. Helen presses the talk button.

"Yes?"

Over the intercom Marianne said "Helen, someone wants to see you."

Helen rolled her eyes.

"Tell them they need to make an appointment."

Without pause Marianne said "It's Mary Bailey."

Helen's eyes go wide.

"As in chairwoman of the New Jersey Bar Association!?"

"Yes."

Helen knew this was serious.

"Send her in."

A moment later the woman enters. Mary Bailey is a sixty-something woman in a business suit whose gray hair is in a bun that, combined with the business suit, gives her a stately bearing. Helen walks up to her and shakes her hand.

"Mrs. Bailey, how are you? Please, have a seat."

Mary said "Thank you, Helen. And please, call me Mary."

Mary sits in front of Helen's desk while Helen takes her seat behind it.

"What can I do for you, Mary?"

Without preamble, Mary said "Helen, I understand that since you made partner you've been trying to institute positive changes at this firm."

Helen said "Yes."

Mary asked "Off the record, how's that going?"

Helen frowned.

"Not so well, I'm afraid. A culture of loose ethics and sexism is so deeply entrenched here that change is impossible."

Mary explained "I'll get right to the point, Helen. One of my colleagues is retiring from the bar. I want to bring in people who will tenaciously enforce ethics. Based on your professional record you are just the person to do that."

Helen's jaw dropped.

"Are...Are you offering me a job?"

Mary nods.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, that evening...**

Jake, Helen and Daria are seated at the kitchen table. Quinn and Jim are visiting and have decided to stay for dinner. Quinn is talking about her and Jim's upcoming wedding.

"So we decided for a honeymoon we'd go to Hawaii. A romantic getaway on an island paradise."

Nodding, Jim said "I couldn't agree more."

Quinn asked her parents "What do you guys think?"

Jake said "Sounds fun. After all, Helen and I didn't even get to take a honeymoon."

Helen said nothing but looked like she was a million miles away, which everyone noticed. Concerned, Quinn asked "Mom, are you okay?"

Helen comes out of her thoughts.

"Oh...Um..I'm sorry, could you repeat the question."

Worried, Quinn said "I asked if you were okay. Is something wrong?"

Nervous, Helen said "No. Why would you think something's wrong?"

Daria chimed in with "Because the last time you were this detached from a dinner conversation was when you were still doing ninety-hour workweeks at the firm."

Helen said nothing but sighed. Quinn eyes her mother with suspicion.

* * *

 **The Morgendorffer dinning room, some time later...**

Helen is going over legal briefs. She is deep in thought.

 _We're defending an investment bank that's being sued for mismanaging funds and raiding it's employees pension fund to pay for private jets for it's executives. Fortunately, I've found a loophole that ensures we win that case._

Helen frowns.

 _God, what have I become?_

It's at this moment that Quinn enters.

"Mom?"

Helen looks up and sees her daughter.

"Yes, Quinn?"

Quinn sits down next to Helen.

"Mom, something's on your mind. I can tell."

Helen said "I'm feeling dissatisfied with my job again."

Quinn said "I figured it was something like that."

Helen said "I remember why I wanted to practice law in the beginning. I wanted to help change the world for the better by helping the little guy. Instead, I'm helping corporations screw the little guy over."

Quinn said "Mom, it can't be that bad."

Helen said "Our latest case. If we win a lot of people will lose their jobs and their life savings."

Quinn said "Okay, it is that bad. Remember that conversation we had last year, when we were trying to get Grandma Emma to accept the fact that she was broke?"

Helen nods.

Quinn went on "I said that if you were so unhappy you should consider an opportunity to leave."

Now, Helen looks thoughtful.

* * *

 **Oakland, CA 1974...**

Jake and Helen are sitting in a small, sparsley furnaced apartment. They still look like they do in most flashbacks to their hippie days. Helen asked Jake "How was work today, Jake?"

Jake said "Terrible. Working as a gopher for a marketing manager at a radio station isn't what I had in mind for post college life."

Helen sighed.

"Jake, you're not thinking long term. By learning how business works now you're placing yourself in a position to change it as you move up."

Jake looks thoughtful.

"You know, Helen, you're right. At least we haven't sold out. I wish I could do a better job keeping my eyes on the prize. But enough about me. How was your day?"

Helen said "I got the results of my LSAT today. I passed. In fact, I scored higher than anyone else."

Jake's eyes lit up as he said "Wonderful. Now you can go to law school, become a lawyer and really shake up the system."

Helen looks doubtful.

"Actually, Jake, that'll have to wait until we've saved enough money to pay for it."

Jake frowns.

"It would've been free eight years ago."

He shakes his fist.

"Damn you, Governor Reagan!"

Helen agrees "If it were up to that facist women would never leave the kitchen and black people would be back on the plantations."

Jake said "Damn straight!"

Helen said "It doesn't change the fact that we need a way to pay for law school."

Jake asked "How? We barely make enough to get by as it is."

Helen said "I've figured that if I put money aside then by this time next year we can afford it."

Jake said "Great thinking, Helen."

They kiss.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer house, 2010...**

Helen is telling Quinn the story. She said "It didn't work out that way, though."

Quinn asked "How come?"

* * *

 **Williamsburg, VA January, 1975...**

 **Music:** "Get Down Tonight" by KC And The Sunshine Band

It's the wedding of Rita Barksdale and Bruce Chambers. The reception is at the ballroom of an exclusive country club. There's a DJ, the dance floor has multi-colored lights that change in time with the music and there's a huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Everyone is dancing and having a wonderful time, except Helen. She and Jake are sitting at a table. Jake is nervous because Helen is furious. Helen's anger is due mostly to the gaudy, outrageously expensive ceremony that she knew Rita didn't pay a penny for. Helen grunted "So, Rita gets spoiled again. This wedding defintely cost my parents a fortune."

At this point they are approached by Helen's parents, Emma and Richard. Richard immediately notices that his daughter is upset.

"What's the matter, cupcake?"

Smiling, Helen said "Oh, nothing Daddy. Just wondering how much this wedding cost, that's all."

Emma glared at her daughter and Jake with very obvious contempt. She said "Still living in sin, I see."

Richard tries to defuse the situation.

"Now, Emma..."

"I'm only saying that if they want to live together they should get married. It's the right thing to do."

Richard said "But, Emma..."

The death glare from his wife immediately shuts Richard up. This conversation plus the wedding have now awoken Helen's competitive instincts.

"For your information, Mother," she said, the word mother sounding especially harsh, "Jake and I are getting married."

Jake has a surprised look on his face while Emma clearly isn't buying it.

"When?" Emma asked in an accusing tone.

Unwilling to give an inch, Helen said "June 26."

Emma asked "Jake, is this true?"

Helen kicks Jake under the table. Jake's reaction...

"Er...It sure is."

Emma chooses to believe them.

"Humph, Very well!"

Richard shakes Jake's hand.

"Congratulations, Jake."

Nervous, Jake said "Uh, Thanks."

With that, Richard and Emma walk away. Once they're gone, Jake turns to Helen.

"Helen, I thought we'd agreed that marriage is a pointless institution that perpetuates the patriarchy?"

Crossing her arms, Helen said "I've changed my mind."

Jake gulps.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer house, 2010...**

Helen is telling the story to Quinn. She said "That's how it went down. Not much of a proposal. When my mother refused to pay for either the wedding or the honeymoon we had to dip into my savings."

Quinn asked "How did you pay for law school?"

Helen said "I took out a student loan. At least your father and I got the kind of wedding we wanted out of it."

* * *

 **A Beach in northern California, June 26, 1975...**

 **Music:** "More Than A Feeling" by Boston

 **Helen:** (VO from 2010) "Six months later, your father and I got married. It was a simple ceremony, but not without it's problems."

A bunch of people are gathered for the makeshift ceremony. One of Helen and Jake's old commune mates, Tempest, is talking with Helen.

Helen said "Thanks for doing this, Tempest."

Tempest said "Actually, I'm going by Cheryl now. And my pleasure. We can hold true to our ideals and , since I'm now a licensed notary, it's just as legal and valid as a bougois traditional wedding."

Jake, meanwhile is greeting guests. He is approached by his mother, Ruth, and his older sister, Eve. Eve looks like Daria, only taller and without glasses. Mad Dog is absent. Jake hugs them both.

"Mom, Eve, how are you?"

Ruth said "We're good, Jakey."

Jake notices that Mad Dog isn't there.

"Where's Dad?"

Ruth and Eve both look nervous. Eve said "Um...Well...You see..."

Ruth said "You're father couldn't come. He said the dog needs it's nails clipped."

Unconvincing, Eve said "He wished you a happy wedding, though."

Jake looks like he was just punched in the gut. "Fine!" he bitterly uttered before shuffling off. Once he was gone, Eve asked "Mom, I know Dad holds a grudge, but isn't this extreme?"

Ruth said "It's better if Jake doesn't know the real reason your father didn't want to be here."

Eve said "He still blames Helen for turning Jake into a hippie, doesn't he?"

Ruth nodded. Meanwhile, Emma and Richard have overheard this conversation. Emma is particularly offended.

"That psychopath wouldn't even come to his own son's wedding!? How incredably rude!"

Richard tries to calm his wife down.

"Now, Emma..."

"How dare that man snub the house of Barksdale!"

* * *

 **Morgendorffer house, 2010...**

Helen continues to tell Quinn the story.

"Your father and grandfather never got a chance to make up. Less than two months later Grandpa Adam was dead."

Quinn looks saddened by this.

"He sounds like Jim's father."

Helen said "Jake's father and Tony are mirror reflections of each other."

Quinn said "Tell me about it."

Helen went on "That fall I started law school. Three years later I graduated with a massive student loan debt. I had to take the first job I was offered. That's how we wound up in Highland."

* * *

 **Oakland California, 1978...**

Helen and Jake are arguing. Helen said "Jake, I'm fresh out of law school with a huge debt to pay. I have to take this job."

Jake whined "But, Helen, I don't wanna move to Texas. I just got promoted at the radio station."

Helen barked "Dammit, Jake, this is my opportunity. Once I pay back those student loans we'll finally be in a position to make a positive impact on the world."

Jake exclaimed "IN TEXAS!?"

Helen said "Jake, we need to do this."

Jake barked "No, Helen, you do!"

Helen looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"Jake, wh...what are you saying?"

Jake said "I'm saying that I'm not moving to Highland, Texas. You wanna go to a backwards hick town you're going without me!"

Angry, Helen said "FINE!"

She walks away from Jake in a huff.

 **Helen:** (VO from 2010) "The next few weeks were awkward as we both refused to give an inch. I moved to Highland while your father stayed in California. We were only seperated for a week, though."

* * *

 **Highland, TX 1978...**

 **Music:** "Big Shot" by Billy Joel

Helen is driving home from work. She's deep in thought.

 _I miss Jake. Why can't he understand what an improtant opportunity this is for me?_

Helen frowns.

 _Then again, was it fair to ask him to put his life on hold just so I can pay off my student loans?_

Helen pulls into the parking lot of her apartment complex. She's surprised to find Jake sitting on a curb waiting for her. She parks her car and walks toward him.

"Jake, what are you doing here?"

Jake said "I missed you, Helen. After you left, I did some serious thinking. I realized that I was starting to turn into one of the fat cats we're rebelling against. At least you're trying to make a change in the world."

Helen said "Yeah, although I'm not having an impact."

Jake said "Well, I decided to ask myself what's more important, my career or you. I decided the answer is you. I'm sorry, Helen, and I love you."

Tears of joy form on Helen's face.

"Oh, Jakey!"

They hug.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer house, Lawndale, 2010...**

Helen is still telling the story to Quinn.

"So, your father and I made up."

Smiling, Quinn said "Mom, that's so sweet."

Helen sighs and looks sad.

"It turned out to be the beginning of the end for both of our ideals, though. Over the next five years, your father and I sold out even more and more. Eventually, I became a workoholic while your father, after years of bouncing from one job to another, finally took one he couldn't stand just for the money. We just compromised more and more. Sometimes, we compromised out of necessity, but other times we compromised because we wanted more money and more stuff. We had you and Daria. We wanted to provide you both with a decent standard of living and couldn't keep to our ideals whiles doing it. Eventually, your father and I lost interest in changing the world but by then it was the eighties so no one noticed. We became so caught up in the Reagan era culture of materialism that there was no going back."

* * *

 **Highland, TX 1983...**

 **Music:** "Eighties" by Killing Joke

Jake and Helen, with a 21 month old Daria and 6 month old Quinn, are being shown a house. The realtor looks like a young Peggy Hill. The realtor said "...so, as you can see, this house is a real bargain."

Helen asked "What do you think, Jake?"

Smiling, Jake said "It's perfect."

The realtor asked "So, you'll take it?"

Helen said "Of course we will, Mrs. Hill."

Jake said "It's a lot roomier than that cramped apartment. And in a much nicer neighborhood, too."

Mrs. Hill said "Perfect for your two little bundles of joy."

Helen said "Tell me, Mrs. Hill, do you have children?"

With a sigh, Mrs. Hill said "No. My husband and I have been trying to conceive, but it's tough going." Whispering in Helen's ear, she added "He has a narrow urethra."

 **Helen:** (VO from 2010) "Then came that fateful November day..."

* * *

 **Highland, TX 1984...**

 **Music:** "Born In The USA" by Bruce Springsteen

Helen and Jake are at the public library, which serves as the neighborhood voting precinct. Helen and Jake each enter a booth with their ballot. Jake thought _Reagan's not so bad after all. He's revived the economy and for the first time since I was a small boy I actually feel proud to be an American._ With that, he votes for Reagan.

In Helen's booth, she appears to be agonizing over the choice.

 _I used to think this man was a facist. Now, I'm tempted to admit he was right and Jake and I were wrong._

She remembers what Reagan asked in the 1980 presidential debate...

"Are you better off than you were four years ago?"

Helen takes a deep breath.

 _Yes._ She thought, _Yes, we are._

With that, she votes for Reagan.

 **Helen:** (VO from 2010) "That was the final nail in the coffin of our old hippie beliefs."

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, Lawndale, 2010...**

Helen is continuing to tell the story to Quinn.

"By the mid-eighties your father and I hadn't just turned our backs on our old idealism. We were now actively opposing all of the things we used to stand for."

Quinn said "That's kind of sad, but it also makes perfect sense. You didn't have time to save the world. At first it was because you were having trouble getting your feet in the door, then because you had two kids to raise."

Shamefaced, Helen admitted "We also quickly grew accustomed to the yuppie lifestyle. We wanted to both take care of you and Daria while becoming richer. We didn't care about others anymore."

Quinn said "Mom, that can't possibly be true."

Helen said "We wanted the best for you and Daria but it took us twenty years to finally wake up to the fact that Highland wasn't a good place to raise a family. I just wish your father and I had noticed it sooner."

"Considering how hard you and Dad were working it would've been easy to overlook."

Helen said "At least we eventually saw what that place was doing to you and your sister. I started sending my resume to as many law firms as possible in the hopes of getting as far away from Highland as possible. Meanwhile, your father made plans to finally quit his job and go into business for himself."

* * *

 **Highland, TX 1997...**

 **Music:** "Monkey Wrench" by The Foo Fighters

Jake and Helen are at the kitchen table. Jake waits nervously while Helen's on the phone.

"I've got the job!...Thank you, Mr. Schrecter...I can start September 14...Looking forward to it...Bye!"

Helen hangs up and turns to Jake with a huge smile on her face.

"I got the job!"

Jake said "Helen, that's wonderful. Where are we gonna live?"

Helen said "While I was in Lawndale for the interview I did some house hunting."

She shows Jake a photo.

"I really like this red brick one."

Jake's eyes go wide.

"That's not a house, it's a mansion!"

Helen said "And with what this new job pays I can afford it while you start up your consulting business."

Jake leapt out of his chair with joy.

"Finally! I'm finally free of that mini-Mousolinni. Morgendorfer Consulting, here I come!"

Helen calls out "DARIA! QUINN! COULD YOU COME TO THE KITCHEN, PLEASE?"

Daria and Quinn enter. Jake said "Girls, your mother and I have some exciting news!"

Daria deadpanned "You're replacing us with robo-kids."

Rolling her eyes, Helen said "No. We're moving to New Jersey next month."

Quinn's jaw drops.

"New Jersey! What's there?"

Helen said "I've taken a job at a law firm in a town twenty minutes east of Philadelphia. The town's called Lawndale."

Jake said "I've seen pictures. Lawndale's a much nicer town than Highland. And it's only one hour's drive from the ocean."

Quinn salivates at the prospect of summers at the beach.

"I need to update my swimwear."

She scampers to her room.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, Lawndale, 2010...**

Quinn giggles at the memory.

"I can't believe bikini's were what was on my mind when I found out we were moving to the East Coast."

Helen can't help laughing herself.

"It was somewhat amusing."

Quinn said "I actually remember something else from that night."

* * *

 **The old house in Highland, 1997...**

Quinn passes by Daria's room and notices the door is open. Curious, she peeks in. Daria is looking out the window and has a huge smile on her face. The smile weirds Quinn out because she's never seen Daria more than half smile. Looking out the window, Daria dreamily thinks out loud.

"It's finally happening. We're finally leaving this hell hole of a town."

Quinn now walks away. She has a huge smile on her face.

 _Maybe now she'll stop acting so weird._

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, 2010...**

Helen, having just heard what Quinn told her, said "That's no surprise. Of all of us your sister hated Highland the most."

Quinn now turns serious. "Mom," she asked, "Why this trip down memory road?"

Helen said "I guess I just felt like confessing my sins."

Quinn gives her mother a curious look. Helen said "Do you know who Mary Bailey is?"

Quinn said "No."

Helen explained "She's the chairwoman of the New Jersey Bar Association. She came into my office today."

Worried, Quinn asked "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

Helen said "She offered me a job."

Quinn's eyes go wide.

"Are you gonna take it?"

Helen said "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Helen said "On the one hand, I'd be in a position to make a difference. On the other hand, I've been in corporate law for so long I don't know if I could just walk away from that. I've turned into the kind of lawyer I swore I'd never become. I just came here and worked myself sick trying to make partner while your father tried to get his consulting business off the ground. In the end, I had to threaten a gender discrimination suit to make partner." Bitterly, she added "At least your father had a chance to see his dreams come true."

Putting a reassuring hand on her mother's shoulder, Quinn said "Now, so do you."

Helen gave Quinn a curious look. Quinn explained "Look, Mom, you just told me how you turned your back on the reason you went into law in the first place. This is your chance to make it right. I know how unhappy you are at the firm. As a member of the bar you'd be in a position to change how lawyers operate for the better. You wanted to make a difference, now you have the chance."

Helen smiled.

"I always thought Daria would be the one to give me this pep talk."

Quinn said "I remember you once told me that Daria and I are more alike than people think. This is just one of those moments that proves that."

Helen smiles proudly at her daughter.

* * *

 **Law Offices of Vitale, Davis, Horowitz, Riordin, Schrecter, Schrecter, Schrecter and Morgendorffer, a few days later...**

Helen is in Eric's office handing him a letter. Eric asked "What's this?"

Helen said "It's my letter of resignation. I've handed one to each of the other partners too."

Eric's eyes go wide.

"RESIGNATION!?"

Helen said "Yes, I'm selling my share of the partnership."

Eric said "You can't retire now! You're only 59!"

Helen said "I'm not retiring."

Eric said "Then what are you gonna do? Lawyer's in your blood."

Helen said "I'm going to continue to be a lawyer."

Eric glared menacingly at Helen.

"And I'm going to sue you for breach of contract. Remember the non-compettition clause?"

Helen said "That won't be an issue."

Eric threatened "THE HELL IT WON'T! I'LL SUE YOU INTO BANKRUPTCY AND THE FIRM YOUR LEAVING US FOR WILL LOSE EVERYTHING WHEN I REPORT THEM TO THE BAR!"

Holding her ground, Helen explained "I'm not joining another firm. I'm joining the New Jersey Bar Association. Hence, no compettition."

Eric's eyes go wide and his jaw drops.

 **Music:** "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears For Fears

"B...Bar Association?"

Helen said "Yes," she hands him a second letter, adding "...and this is Maryanne's resignation. She's coming with me."

Eric is now struggling to contain his rage. He wants to lay into Helen, which she notices.

"Eric, I've given this a lot of thought. I'm going to be on the state bar association, and that's final. So you and the other partners would do well to keep on my good side."

Helen turns around and walks away. She has a triumphant smirk while Eric looks like he was just stabbed in the heart.

 **End Credits.**

* * *

 **Next Time**

We've finally arrived. The big day is fast approaching. Quinn and Jim are about to get married. There are Morgendorffers, Barksdales and Carbones involved. What could possibly go wrong?


	11. Is It Over Yet?, Part I

**Opening Montage**  
 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha  
We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**  
 **in**  
 **"Is It Over Yet?, Part I"**  
 **written by**  
 **WildDogJJ**

 **Pizza King, evening...**

Quinn and Lindy are having pizza and catching up. Lindy said "Thanks for taking me out for pizza. What's the occassion?"

Quinn said "I just wanted some one on one girl time with somwone other than Daria, Stacy or Sandi for a change. What have you been up to lately?"

Lindy said "Well, my business is starting to pick up a little, but not much. Also, I had a first date from hell last night."

Quinn asked "What happened?"

Rolling her eyes, Lindy said "He wouldn't stop talking about his "mommy issues". Needless to say, there isn't going to be a second date. You're lucky you found someone while still in your twenties. Most of the guys you can get after thirty have some serious baggage attached."

"I'm sorry, Lindy."

"Don't be. I've got plenty of baggage myself. I just don't wanna take on someone else's too. By the way, how is Jim?"

Quinn said "With the wedding only a few weeks away he's starting to sweat bullets. At least his father's not coming."

Lindy, who's well aware of what Tony's like, said "Thank God. Speaking of family, how's Daria?"

Smiling, Quinn said "She's good. She and Mack are starting to get pretty serious."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at the Morgendorffer house...**

Helen and Daria are at the kitchen table talking while Jake gets ready to serve up dinner. Daria asked her mother "So, how's the new job treating you?"

Helen said "It's a bit of a pain to commute to Trenton, but otherwise it's great. I'm finally making a difference."

Before the conversation can continue Jake comes to the table with a pot full of...something.

Jake said "This new version of stew is a vast improvement on the old batch."

Helen said "You mean the one that gave us all food poisoning?"

Jake beamed "That's right! No projectile vomiting this time."

Daria deadpanned "Because there's always diarrhea."

Once Helen and Daria are served, Jake sits down.

"Why aren't you digging in?"

Daria and Helen both look at the unappetizing concoction. Daria said "Because we're not suicidal."

A little offended, Jake said "There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll go first."

He takes a spoonful of the stew and promptly gags.

* * *

 **Outside, a very short time later...**  
 **Music:** "According To You" by Orianthi

Daria is taking the offending stew to the trash can while Helen heats some lasagna and Jake is stuck in the bathroom. She has just one thought...

I guess some things never change.

At this point she notices someone sitting on the curb. That someone is Trent.

"Trent!? What are you doing here?"

Trent said "I need a place to crash while I'm in town."

Daria sits down next to Trent.

"You're early, that's a first. Quinn's wedding isn't for another couple of weeks."

Trent said "I've got a new band together. We offered to play at the wedding."

Daria's eyes go wide.

"I really don't think a grunge band is the sort of thing Quinn's looking for."

Trent said "We gotta start somewhere."

Daria asked "What's this band called?"

Trent said "You'll find out on the day of the wedding. It's kind of a surprise."

Daria said "And why do you need to crash here?"

Trent said "I kinda forgot to budget for a hotel." He sniffs the trash bag containing Jake's latest failed culinary experiment. "What's that? It smells good."

Daria rolls her eyes.

* * *

 **Governor's Park Restaurant, the next evening...**

Quinn and Jim are on a double date with Daria and Mack. Daria is telling them about Trent showing up unannounced the night before.

"...so in exchange for enduring Dad's God-awful stew Trent is allowed to stay in our guest room until the wedding."

Quinn said "I don't remember booking him for our wedding."

Jim said "We didn't. Tom guilt tripped me into letting Trent and his new mystery band play. I agreed on the grounds that Tom foot the bill and they only play one set."

Mack said "They might be good. In any case, this sounds like just a minor hiccup. I wouldn't worry too much."

Jim sighed.

"I just hope we don't get any more surprises."

Daria deadpanned "Famous last words."

Jim gives Daria an annoyed look.

"As much as I usually go for your sense of humor I don't think that's funny. I want this to be our perfect day."

Quinn rolls her eyes. To Daria and Mack, she said "You'll have to excuse Jim. The closer to the wedding we get the more uptight he gets."

At this point, Kevin walks by.

"Hey! Jim, Quinn, Daria and Mack-Daddy! What's up?"

Mack groans.

"Could you please not call me that?"

Daria said "Kevin, what are you doing here?"

Kevin said "Brit and I were supposed to have a date tonight."

Quinn asked "So why are you alone?"

Kevin said "Daryl scheduled a last minute workout and I couldn't cancel the reservations."

Daria asked "And this doesn't upset you?"

Kevin said "Like, why would it? She's working out with Daryl. It's not like she's hooking up with another guy."

Kevin returns to his table. Once he's gone, Daria said "Please tell me I'm not the only one who sees what's really going on."

* * *

 **Morgendorffer house, a few days later...**  
 **Music:** "Can't Be Tamed" by Miley Cyrus

Daria is sitting on the living room sofa when the doorbell rings. She gets up and answers the door. She's pleasantly surprised to see Jane.

"Amiga, how are you?"

"Jane!? What are you doing here?"

Jane smiled playfully as she said "Nice to see you, too."

Daria said "I just didn't expect you here until we were closer to the wedding, that's all."

With that, Daria lets Jane in and closes the door. Once inside, she asked "Where's Alan?"

Jane said "He couldn't come."

Knowing what that means, Daria asked "How long's he out of country this time?"

Jane said "Until June, which means he can't make the wedding either."

"Figures."

They both sit down on the couch. Jane said "That's one of the reasons I came down from New York early. I was going stir crazy alone in that loft."

Reading between the lines, Daria asked "What's the other reason?"

Smirking, Jane said "When I heard Trent was down here to mooch off Helen and Jake I had to see it for myself."

Daria said "He told us he's got a new band together. What's shocking is that they're all in Lawndale for a gig."

Raising an eyebrow, Jane said "That's fast. I didn't even know he had another band together. Where is this gig?"

Daria said "Winged Tree Country Club. They're playing at my sisters wedding."

Jane's eyes go wide with disbelief.

"Have Quinn and Jim taken complete leave of their senses?"

Daria said "Actually, Tom guilt tripped Jim into booking them, which means he used his family connections to pull rank."

Jane said "He was always an odd one, that Tom."

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Quinn and Jim are watching TV. On the TV screen is monsignor Martinez performing a wedding ceremony. An assassin is sneaking up behind him. The monsignor suddenly turns around and whips out a 9mm pistol.

"Vaya con Dios."

He empties a whole clip on the attacker. Quinn and Jim watch spellbound.

Jim said "I've said it before, I'll say it again. If priests were that badass I'd actually go to church."

At this point, the doorbell rings. Quinn asked "I wonder who that is?"

Jim said "I'll get it."

He gets up and answers the door. Once it's open he sees his brother, Chris standing there. Chris looks really dishelved and has an empty whiskey bottle in one hand.

"He...hic...'ey bro."

Quinn asked "Who is it, honey?"

Before Jim can answer Quinn is at the door and sees Chris.

"Hi, Qu...hic...Qu...urp...Quinn."

Quinn's eyes go wide.

"Chris, you're drunk!"

* * *

 **Act II**  
 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Jim's brother, Chris, has just shown up. He is visibly drunk, which Quinn immediately noticed.

"Chris, you're drunk!"

Chris said "Sez... _hic_...youz... _urp_.."

Shaking his head, Jim said "Chris, you're slurring your words. Even if you didn't reek of Jack Daniel's the empty bottle in your hand is still pretty telling."

Chris said "Awright... _hic_...sos maybe I'm a lil'... _hic_...drunk."

Sighing, Quinn said "I'll make some coffee."

* * *

 **A short time later...**

Chris is now sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee while talking to Quinn and Jim. The caffine has gotten him to a point where he can at least speak clearly. He's telling them why he came all the way from California.

"...so after Brooke threw me out I was laid off from the agency. With no job and no home I flew to New York. I was planning to stay with Mom and Dad on Long Island while I figure things out."

Quinn asked "How did you go from that to showing up here completely wasted?"

Jim said nothing but he already knows the answer.

Chris said "Mom wanted to take me in but Dad wouldn't let her. He said I'd turned into a huge disappointment. He said I was now a waste of sperm."

Jim commented "Usually I'm the one Dad calls a waste of sprem."

In a bitter tone, Chris said "He told me I'd lost my balls. He said the fact that I was even cheated on is proof I'm not a real man after all. He said if I were a real man I would've done a better job controlling my woman."

Quinn rolled her eyes. Jim said "Sounds like the old man."

Chris said "So I took a train here. On my way from the train station I stopped at 123 Liquors and got a bottle of Jack to calm myself down."

Quinn is immediately sympathetic.

"Chris, that's terrible!"

Jim said "I'm not surprised. Our father has a very toxic concept of masculinity. Growing up he hated my guts because I was never very good at sports. He shit a brick when I chose college over the Army and when Chris landed a cushy job while I changed careers I'd irredeemably damned myself in his eyes. If Chris couldn't keep Brooke in line than it's expected that Dad's opinion of him would plummet."

Chris sighs. Quinn immediately thought _Tony is so much like Mad Dog it's almost scary_.

* * *

 **Winged Tree Country Club, a few days later...**  
 **Music:** "Stylo" by The Gorillaz

Tom is giving Quinn and Jim a tour of the country clubs botanical garden.

"This should be the perect place to have the ceremony."

Quinn is enamored by the immaculately maintained surroundings.

"This is perfect. How much would this normally cost?"

Jim said "Quinn, his family holds sway over this club. Don't ask him potentially offensive questions."

Tom shrugged in a reassuring manner.

"Don't worry, Jim. I'm not easily offended. As for the question, Quinn, you'd have to ask my parents. They're the ones on the board that handles this type of thing. I'm just a regular club member until someone either steps down or dies." He sarcastically added "Assuming I don't bump one of them off and make it look like an accident, of course."

All three laugh at that remark. A short time later Tom is showing them the banquet hall/ball room.

"...and this is the site of the reception. What do you think?"

Quinn said "It's perfect."

Jim said "Who'd have thought we could get all of this by fixing your father's Ferrari."

Tom joked "Beats paying the bill. Besides, you did me another personal favor by promising to let me book Trent Lane."

Quinn immediately gives Jim an irritated look.

"You didn't tell me THAT!"

Jim gulps.

"Um...surprise."

Quinn stares daggers at him. Jim explained "Relax, it's only one set. If they bomb I have a backup plan."

Not entirely buying it, Quinn asked "What kind of backup plan?"

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, that evening...**

Quinn and Jim are having Stacy and Chuck over for dinner. Chris is with them. Jim is explaining the situation.

"...so I figured since you're an experienced DJ you could be the backup plan."

Grinning, Chuck said "You want me to save the day if the band turns out to be bad?"

Jim said "I know I'm asking a lot, but since they were booked without Quinn's knowledge I'm kind of in the hot seat."

Chuck said "Jim, I'd be happy too."

Giggling, Stacy said "That's an understatement. You're probably hoping for some time on stage."

Chuck said "Guilty as charged, my lovely wife."

Seeing how happy Chuck and Stacy are caused Chris to suddenly feel uncomfortable.

"Um...I need to use the bathroom."

Quinn said "Last door before the garage."

Chris said "Thanks."

With that, he gets up and leaves. Stacy notices something off with Jim's brother.

"Jim, is your brother okay?"

Jim said "You'll have to excuse him. His soon-to-be-ex-wife is taking him for everything in the divorce and he just lost his job."

Quinn added "And their father refuses to help him for some pretty ridiculous reasons."

Chuck said "From what you two have told us about him, Jim's father sounds like a real jerk."

Quinn nodded in agreement. Jim said "You know, he once made me do two hours of PT in the back yard just because the beer I gave him was warm."

His expression darkens.

"Lousy, rigid, inhuman..."

In a stern tone, Quinn said "Jim, company."

This snaps Jim out of a potential Jake-like rant.

"Thanks, Quinn."

Quinn said "Besides, you had an attentive mother to cancel out the scars. My Mom was so career focused that I had to steal attention from my sister and..."

The curious looks from Chuck and Stacy snaps Quinn out of her own impending rant.

"Sorry about that."

It's obvious that Quinn and Jim are turning into Helen and Jake.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, outside...**  
 **Music:** "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa

Lindy walks up to the front door and rang the bell. Jim answers.

"Lindy, how are you?"

Lindy said "I was in the area and figured I'd stop and say hi."

Jim said "Have you eaten yet."

Lindy said "I'll pick up something later."

Jim waved his hand dismissively.

"Nonsense, Lindy. Come on in."

* * *

 **The kitchen table, a few minutes later...**

Lindy has now joined them for dinner. She was just told about how Jim recruited Chuck as a back up DJ in case Trent's new band sucks. Lindy said "Smart move. As nice as Trent is, he's not very good with commitment."

Remembering how Lindy and Trent broke up because she caught him cheating, Quinn said "Lindy, I'm sorry."

Lindy said "Don't be. There's a reason long distance relationships never work."

At this point, Jim gets and idea.

"You know, Quinn, we haven't finalized the escort list for bridesmaids and groomsmen yet."

Quinn sees what Jim's getting at and can't resist a chance to play yenta.

"That's right. We already have Mack paired with Daria, Stacy paired with Chuck and Sandi paired with Joey. Why not pair Lindy with Chris."

Lindy said "Wouldn't it be better to pair him with Jane?"

Jim said "Do you really wanna be paired with Kevin?"

Lindy said "I see your point. But that means pairing Jane with Kevin."

Quinn said "She suffered Kevin as a classmate for four years, she can handle being his escort for one day."

Lindy is still doubtful.

"I don't know."

Quinn said "Trust me, if there's anyone who would have you back on the sauce in a matter of hours it's Kevin."

Lindy said "I see your point. So, when do I get to meet Chris?"

Jim said "As soon as he gets out of the bathroom."

Stacy looks at her watch.

"You know, he's been in there awhile."

Jim looked at his watch.

"I'd better check on him."

He's about to get up from his seat when Lindy stops him.

"I'll do it. Besides, I could use a trip to the bathroom myself."

With that, she gets up and makes her way to the bathroom.

* * *

 **The downstairs bathroom, a minute later...**

Chris is looking at himself in the mirror and is deep in thought.

 _Happy now, Dad? I was a varsity athelete, went to Penn State on a football scholarship, got a job as a casting agent in Hollywood and married a blonde hottie. A blonde hottie who was sleeping with half the town. I lost my job, my house and my pride. At least Jim, the one you thought would never amount to anything, has a YouTube career. He's also engaged to the perfect woman. I thought Brooke was the perfect woman but it turns out she's a two-faced slut who's taken everything from me_.

With that, Chris takes a swig of whiskey. He gives himself a brief glance in the mirror before taking another huge swig. After that, there's a knock on the door. Chris panics.

"JUST A MINUD...I MEAN MINUTE!"

He immediately hides the bottle in a drawer under the sink. In his haste he forgets to close it all the way. He opens the door. It's Lindy. Chris doesn't know who she is.

 _She's beautiful!_ "Um...Who are you?"

Lindy said "My name's Lindy. I'm a friend of your brother and Quinn. You've been in here a while so I offered to check on you." _He's cute!_

Chris extends his hand in greeting.

"Chris, I'm..."

Lindy shakes his hand.

"Jim's brother, I know."

At this point, she notices that his eyes are a little red and the room smells like bourbon.

"It's none of my business, but have you been drinking in here?"

Nervous, Chris said "Wha...Um...No."

Lindy doesn't believe him.

* * *

 **Act III**  
 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Lindy has just met Chris Carbone (and caught him drinking). She said "Chris, you have been drinking, I can tell."

Nervous, Chris said "No, I haven't."

At this point, she spots the partially open drawer. She immediately opens it and pulls out the whiskey bottle.

"Explain this."

Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Chris said "I didn't know that was there."

Lindy immediately gives him a "who are you kidding" look. Chris sighed.

"Okay, I was in here drinking."

Lindy walks up to Chris and asks him point blank "Do you have a drinking problem?"

Chris said "No."

Lindy gives him a withreing gaze. Chris thought _She's hot even when she interrogates you._ but said "Not until recently."

Lindy asked "What does that mean?" as she thought _Is it weird that I still think he's really cute?_

Chris explained "I was never a very heavy drinker. That is, until recently."

Lindy's expression softens. Chris went on "I'm going through a rough divorce, I lost my job and my father forbids the family to help me. I've been drinking to deal. That's no excuse, just the facts. I don't know if you'd understand, but it's an explanation."

Lindy puts a hand on Chris' shoulder.

"Actually, I do understand. I'm a recovering alcoholic and my family's beyond dysfunctional. That was actually why I started drinking. I stopped nine years ago. I had a brief relapse last year but I've been sober since then."

Chris actually smiles.

 _She gets it._

Lindy smiles.

 _I've just met this guy and he's made a poor impression. Despite this, I feel like I can tell him anything._

* * *

 **The Bridal Shop, a week later...**  
 **Music:** "Like A G6"

Quinn, Daria, Jane, Stacy, Sandi and Lindy are at the shop. Quinn is watching as the other girls are being fitted in their bridesmaids dresses. They are like the ones in "I Don't" except that they're pink and Daria's actually fits. The seamstress, who's the same one from "I Don't" is fitting Daria.

"Well, you've certainly filled out since age sixteen, haven't you?"

Daria glares menacingly at the seamstress. The seamstress notices.

"Take a compliment, will ya?"

Daria rolls her eyes at that one. She turns to Jane.

"At least this time you're sharing in the experience."

Jane said "Actually, I'm suffering the humiliation. I was paired with Kevin."

Daria smirked.

"Well, you had to have your turn eventually."

Meanwhile, Quinn is talking with Lindy and Sandi. Lindy is telling them about Chris.

"He seems so nice. I can't believe his wife cheated on him and is now screwing him over in the divorce."

Quinn said "Believe it. I actually caught her red handed."

Sandi smirks.

"This I've got to hear."

Blushing slightly, Quinn said "I acidentially walked in on her while one of her lovers was going down on her."

Sandi can't help snickering. Lindy said "Just as I caught him drinking last week. How's he doing on that by the way?"

Quinn said "He's slowed down to a normal level since then. That talk you gave him seemed to snap him out of it."

Lindy said "I know from experience that you need to nip these things in the bud. Chris looked like he was starting to develop a problem. I'm glad he stopped before it was too late."

Quinn said "Lindy, what do you think of him?"

Lindy said "Chris? He's cute, and he seems like a nice guy. Too bad he's married."

Quinn said "That marriage is over. They're just trying to finalize the divorce now." Quinn looks thoughtful before adding "I probably shouldn't be telling you this but I think he just wants out and that's why he's letting her take him to the cleaners."

Lindy, wanting to change the subject, turns to Sandi.

"Speaking of relationships, how are things with Joey?"

Beaming, Sandi said "Wonderful. Now that we've both had some time to mature things are a lot better the second time around."

Quinn said "Sandi, that's great."

Smiling, Sandi said "I know. Things are finally starting to turn around for me."

At this moment, Stacy emerges from a fitting room.

"Quinn, these dresses are beautiful!"

With a smile of approval, Sandi said "I see that your unerring color sense remains intact."

Quinn smiles at the praise.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at Better Days Nursing Home...**

Helen and Rita are visiting their mother, Emma. Today happens to be one of Emma's clear days. Helen asked "So, do you think you'll be able to make Quinn's wedding?"

Rita said "Don't pressure her, Helen."

As Helen stares daggers at Rita Emma says "Don't worry, I'll do my best to be there. I wouldn't miss it for the world. The nurses say I've been clear lately."

Rita said "She has, except for a few episodes of mistaken identity."

Emma said "Now, Rita, you'll be there to make sure I don't make a fool of myself."

Rita said "Of course, Mom. Better than Helen or Amy, anyway."

Smiling, Emma said "You always were my favorite, Rita."

"Thanks, Mom."

Helen bitterly said "Mother, I'm right here."

Emma said "I'm sorry, Amy, I forgot. You were always the quiet one."

Helen said "I'm Helen."

Emma looks angry. She reaches for her cane. Helen flinches in anticipation of the inevitable until...

"Why am I reaching for my cane?"

Rita said "Because.."

A piercing glance from Helen immediately causes Rita to backpedal.

"...I honestly don't know."

With a shrug, Emma said "Oh, well. It'll come back to me."

Helen has a smug grin. One upside to Emma having Alzheimer's is that her cane smackings have been severly reduced in frequency.

* * *

 **Morgendorffer House, that evening...**

Jake, Helen, Daria, Jane and Trent are at the kitchen table having dinner. Trent said "This is really good."

Jane said "It's the same lasagna we always have when one of Jake's experiments goes awry."

"Hey!"

Trent said "It's still pretty good."

At this point the doorbell rings. Jake said "I'll get it."

He goes to the front door and opens it. Standing there is a woman who has gray hair and is almost Jake's height. Other than that, she looks like Daria sans glasses.

"Eve! How are you?"

Jake and the woman, Eve, hug.

"I'm good, little brother."

Jake leads Eve to the kitchen.

"You already know Helen and Daria. Let me introduce our other guests, Jane and her brother Trent. This is my sister, Eve."

Jane said "Nice to meet you."

Trent said "Likewise."

Eve gives them both a disapproving look.

"Still hanging around with hippies, I see."

Jake said "Now, Eve.."

Eve said "All I'm saying is that you never did keep proper company."

Daria, Jane and Helen stare daggers at Eve while Trent remains oblivious as always. Jake immediately tries to change the subject.

"How's Mom?"

Eve said "She won't be able to make the wedding. Ever since that stroke she's been slipping."

Jake bitterly said "At least she has a legit reason. Not like Mad Dog, blowing off my wedding to clip the dogs nails."

Eve said "Jake, I wish you wouldn't talk about Daddy like that. He was only doing what he felt was right."

Jake angrily said "I guess that's why he threw me in military school."

Eve retorted "Because he wanted to make you into a real man. War is an essential right of passage for men."

Helen tries to ease the tension.

"Now, Eve, that's not how Jake and I view the world."

Eve bitterly said "A lot of people just don't get it. That's why I never married, a severe shortage of men in our generation. At least George W. Bush had America kicking ass again. But now that communist n #%&^$ Obama is letting the flower children take over again."

With that, she goes to get her luggage. Jake said "I need a martini."

Helen said "Make it a double."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at Quinn and Jim's house...**

Quinn, Jim and Chris are having dinner. Chris said "Quinn, this is really good."

Quinn smiled.

"Thanks, Chris."

Jim said "So, you looking forward to being a groomsman?"

Chris said "Of course, bro."

Quinn decides to get into her yenta act.

"Chris, about my friend, Lindy. What do you think of her?"

Chris said "She's really nice. She just has this easy going way about her and she's very compassionate. She stopped me from developing a problem with just one pep talk. She just makes you feel like you can tell her anything."

Jim said "Now aren't you glad she's gonna be your escort at our wedding?"

Chris said "A first date where I didn't even have to ask her out."

Jim and Quinn exchange knowing smiles, which Chris notices.

"I did NOT just say that!"

Jim said "You sure did, bro. You sure did. Don't worry about it. I felt the same way about Quinn when I first met her."

Now wanting to change the subject, Quinn asked "Are you sure you don't mind house sitting for us during our honeymoon?"

Chris said "No trouble at all. After all, you're letting me stay rent free."

Jim said "Don't be ridiculous, Chris. I wouldn't dream of charging you rent."

Smiling, Quinn said "Yeah, you're family. You're always welcome here."

At that moment, the doorbell rings. Jim said "I'll get it."

He goes to the front door and opens it. Standing there is Jim and Chris' father, Tony. Jim is shocked.

"Dad!? What are you doing here?"

Tony said "I'm here for your wedding. You gonna let me in, or do I have to kick your ass first."

Jim has an immediate feeling of impending doom.

 **To Be Continued...**


	12. Is It Over Yet?, Part II

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Is It Over Yet?, Part II"**

 **written by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Act I**

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Quinn, Jim and his brother, Chris are at the kitchen table having dinner. Tony, Jim and Chris' father, is with them because he just showed up and forced Jim to let him in. Tense doesn't even begin to describe how Jim and Chris are feeling. Tony immediately spits out his food.

"What the hell is this crap!? In 'Nam I ate rat shit that tasted better than this."

Visibly offended, Quinn said "That's my shrimp scampi."

Tony barked "It tastes like dog shit." He turns to Jim. "See, this is what happens when you let your woman have her way. A lousy dinner."

Wanting to change the subject, Jim asked "So, Dad, what made you change your mind about coming to the wedding?"

Tony said "I figured Chris would come here so I showed up to apologize for the tongue lashing I gave him when he showed up at our place."

Chris is genuinely surprised.

"I thought I'd lost your respect because Brooke's taking me for everything in the divorce!"

Tony said "You did, but you're still my son." Pointing to Jim, he added "Also, you're still more of a man than this pussy ass sack of shit. Anyway, I figured since I'm here I might as well come to the wedding after all."

Quinn sarcastically added "How considerate."

Tony barked "Don't sass me, woman."

Defiant, Quinn said "Excuse me, you're in mine and Jim's house. You could at least try to be polite."

Tony turns to Jim.

"Dammit, Jim, you need to do a better job controlling your woman!"

Nervous, Jim said "Dad, Quinn and I are equal partners in both life and business. We treat each other accordingly."

Tony said "A bigger pile of anti-American communist hippie crap I've never heard."

Chris immediately said "Why Mom continues to put up with you I'll never understand."

Not liking the insinuation, Tony said "Don't give me any lip, Chris. I once killed a hundred gooks in a single day when I was in Vietnam."

Quinn, Jim and Chris all frown.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's bedroom, later that evening...**

Quinn and Jim are sitting up in bed talking about the latest developemnt. Quinn said "I can't believe he just barged in here and invited himself over for the next two weeks."

Jim said "I can't believe he changed his mind about attending the wedding. Especially since it's no secret that my father hates you."

Quinn said "That's why I'm worried. What if he's up to something?"

Jim said "I doubt that. Everything's been set in motion and the weddings as good as done at this point. The only way to stop it now is for us to back out and my father knows that's not gonna happen."

Quinn said "I just know he's going to ruin the wedding."

Trying to be optimistic, Jim said "Maybe Dad'll behave himself...for once."

Quinn said "I'm not holding my breath on that one. He's up to something, I feel it in my gut."

Sighing, Jim said "I've got that feeling, too. I just can't figure out what his possible endgame is."

Quinn said "If he's up to something than what are we gonna do?"

Jim thinks for a moment.

"We let it play out. If he's up to no good then chances are my mother knows nothing about it. Once Dad tips his hand we call Mom and tell her what's going on. She's the one person I know who's capable of keeping him in check. Once she learns that Dad's pulling something she'll put a stop to it real quick."

Quinn said "So, we just keep our eyes peeled for now?"

Jim nods. Quinn looks thoughtful.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's garage, the next day...**

Jim is checking under the hood of Tony's 1968 GTO. Everything checks out.

"There you go, Dad. The oil's good, the steering and brake fluids are top notch and the transmission's fine."

Tony said "At least you're good for something."

At this point they're approached by Kevin.

"Hey, Jim." He notices Tony's car. "Is that a '68 GTO!? Cool!"

Jim said "Yep, fully restored." Jim introduces Tony and Kevin to each other. "Dad, this is Kevin Thompson. He lives next door. Kevin, this is my father, Tony Carbone."

As Kevin and Tony shake hands, Tony said "Nice to meet you, Mr. Thompson."

Kevin said "Call me Kevin, Mr. Carbone."

Tony barked "And call me Sergeant Major, Kevin. That was my rank until those pencil necked pinko bereaucrats forced me to retire early."

Kevin said "Sergeant Major, cool!"

Tony bragged "Yep. Used to be in the Army. Killed me a hundred gooks over in "Nam."

Kevin said "Cool!"

Tony said "You think that's cool, get a look at this."

Tony rolls up his sleeve and shows Kevin the tattoo on his bicep. It's a dagger with two M-16's across it. Under that is a ribbon that says "Ranger". Above it is the motto "Rangers Lead The Way".

Kevin admiringly said "You used to be an Army Ranger. That's really cool, Sergeant Major."

Rolling his sleeve down, Tony asked "What's your story, Kevin?"

Kevin bragged "In high school I was the QB."

Tony said "No kidding. My other son, Chris, was the quarterback in both high school and college. Won back to back state championships."

"Awesome!" said Kevin. "Did he go pro?"

Tony shook his head.

"Nah, just got a cushy job as a casting agent in Hollywood and married a blonde hottie. Then he managed to f#%$ that up."

Kevin said "I never went pro either. I had to repeat my senior year of high school because my grades sucked."

Tony barked "WHAT!? Since when do athletes get shit on like that!?"

Kevin said "I know, dude."

They exchange smiles while Jim looks absolutely livid.

* * *

 **McGrundy's Pub, a few nights later...**

A taxi pulls up in front of the pub. Quinn, Daria and Jane step out. Quinn looks a little confused. She said "Okay, after Tony drags Jim and his friends to Philadelphia for the evening you two show up and beg me to come with you to McGrundy's. What gives?"

Smirking, Jane said "You'll see."

Quinn notices that Daria has her famous half-smile.

 **Music:** "I Like It" by Enrique Iglesias

They enter the bar and find that Stacy, Sandi and Lindy are there. Also present are Quinn's old college roommate, Nicole, as well as Tiffany, Tori Jerhico, Erin Chambers and a few other people that we don't know and will never see again so I won't even bother with a description.

"SURPRISE!"

Lindy added "Quinn, welcome to your bachelorette party."

Quinn now has a huge smile on her face as she joins all her friends and acquaintences.

"How did you guys put this together?"

Jane said "I called in a few favors. Benefits of having a musician brother."

Quinn asked "Do I get a preview of this new mystery band Trent has?"

Daria said "Unlikely. He's been really tight lipped about this new band he's got."

Jane added "He says we'll find out at the wedding."

Sandi approached Quinn and said "I booked some entertainment for later. He calls himself the sexy stud."

"A male stripper?" said Quinn, "Nice."

Stacy asked "Is he cute?"

Sandi reassured them.

"I've seen pictures on his website. He's an absolute stud."

Tori told the bartender "Drinks for everyone."

They are all served drinks. Even Lindy.

 _I shouldn't, but it's a once in a lifetime party, so what the hell._

She immediately downs her Bourbon on the rocks. All the other girls do the same.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at a hotel in Philadelphia...**

Jim, Tony, Mack, Chuck, Chris and Kevin are standing in the lobby. Mack looks disappointed. "Tony," he said, "This is where you wanted to go instead of Cafe Risque?"

Tony said "Hells yeah! This is way better than a regular strip joint."

Chuck notices that all of the women are in either their late teens or twenties and very scantiliy clad.

"Ohhh, I like. Grrrrroooowww."

Kevin looks at one of the girls. She walks right up to him.

"Hey, stud."

As she practically grinds Kevin, he said "Hey, babe. What's up?"

The woman, a blond with faked boobs and a strapless dress so tight it's a miracle it doesn't fall off, said "Nothing much, sexy. What's your name?"

Visibly turned on, Kevin said "Kevin, I used to be the QB."

"Ohhh, Quarterbacks get me soooooo wet."

Chris, looking very apprehensive, said "Kevin, you're married."

Kevin said "X-nay, dude. She, like doesn't need to know that."

The woman said "I don't care. I'll do things to you your wife never would."

"AWRIGHT!"

Mack asked Chuck "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Chuck said "Yes, and if I wasn't married I'd be all over these feisty ladies. Grrrrooowwwww!"

Apprehensive, Jim asked "Dad, what kind of hotel is this?"

Tony said "Isn't it obvious? I'm buying all youse guys hookers."

Jim, Chris, Chuck and Mack all gasp in shock. Kevin, on the other hand...

"WHOA! Like, thanks, Sergeant Major."

* * *

 **Act II**

 **A hotel/brothel in downtown Philadelphia, evening...**

Everyone is shocked that Tony has just brought them to a brothel for Jim's bachelor party instead of a strip club. Mack said to Jim "The original plan was too have this party at Cafe Risque, but your father insisted."

Chuck added "Yeah, we didn't know this place was a brothel."

Patting Jim on the back, Tony said "Go on, kid. Pick yourself out a live one."

At this point, Jim is approached by a brunette in a tight black tube dress that shows ample cleavage and has a hem so high that any movement of her legs shows her thong panties. She grinds on Jim.

"Hey, big boy. You're the guest of honor, huh?"

Tony said "Jim, I'd like you to meet Candy. She'll rock your world."

Chris said "Dad, you know her!?"

"Of course. I'm a regular customer."

Candy aggressively grinds her ass on Jim's crotch.

"Hey, stud, you make me soooo wet. What are you gonna do about it?"

Jim is too freaked out to speak. In fact, he's so uncomfortable that Candy's sexy grinding isn't even making him hard, which she notices.

"What's the matter, sexy? You're too young to need Viagara."

Tony said "Candy, unzip his pants and show him what you can do with your mouth."

Candy turns around to do just that when Jim stops her.

"No."

Candy said "What's the matter? I'm not your type?"

Ignoring her, Jim said "Dad, I'm not cheating on Quinn."

Tony said "It's not cheating when she was paid."

Kevin stops making out with his hooker and adds "Yeah, dude. It's your bachelor party. You, like, get a pass for doing other girls."

Sarcastic, Jim said "And I'm sure Quinn'll see it that way."

Tony said "That's why you don't tell her."

Mack said "I'm not cheating on Daria, no way."

Chuck said "And there's no way I'm cheating on Stacy."

Finally, Jim said "Look, it's my party and I say we get out of here and go to a legit place."

Chris finally said "As much as I'd like to get busy with these girls, I'm with Jim, Mack and Chuck on this."

Realizing he's out voted Tony graoned "Awright, fine, you bunch of pussys. We'll go to Cafe Risque."

Kevin stops making out with his hooker.

"AW, MAN!"

* * *

 **McGrundy's, a short time later...**

Quinn and her friends are all having a good time at her bachelorette party. Even Daria is loosening up thanks to the alcohol. She said "Thi...his...t'is iz awezome, Qu'n...his..."

She's obviously drunk. Quinn thought _Well, better her than Lindy._

While Lindy's a little tipsy she's actually pacing herself and still has a ways to go before she'll be wasted. Just then, the lights go out, ecept for a spotlight on the stage.

"And now..," said Sandi, "...it's time for the main event."

The girls all turn their attention to the stage. A voice booms on a loudspeaker.

"Alright, Ladies, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Preeeesenting...THE SEXY STUD."

The curtain draws back. Standing next to a stripper pole is...Jim's uncle, Vito. Everyone gasps in shock. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and black pants. The music starts.

 **Music:** "Evacuate The Dance Floor" by Cascada

Vito immediately rips off his shirt, revealing his flabby chest and massive beer gut, both of which are disgustingly hairy. He sways in time with the music. Next, he rips off his pants to reveal the thong speedo that he's wearing. He shakes his flabby, hairy and enormous ass at the visibly disgusted girls.

In the audience, Quinn turns to Sandi.

"Sandi, what the hell!?"

Sheepish, Sandi explained "In the picture he looked like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I thought since he's a stripper we could overlook the fashion faux pas."

Stacy asked rhetorically "Does that look like a disco stud too you."

On stage, Vito grinds his barely covered crotch on the stripper pole. In the audience Jane and Daria look with disgust. Daria said "I'm go..urp...BLEEEEEEECCCH!"

As she vomits on the floor Jane said "I feel like doing the same thing."

Vito sways his body in a manner that the girls would find hot on an in shape guy, but seeing Vito's old, flabby body jiggle is making everyone nauseous. Sandi finally decides enough is enough. She hops right up on stage, kills the music and gets right in Vito's face.

"WHAT THE HELL!? I expected a sexy stud, not an obese old guy. In fact, aren't you the guy who got fresh with me in the champagne room last year?'

Vito said "You recognized me, huh."

Sandi asked "Who was the guy in that picture on your website?"

Vito admitted "Me...When I was 25."

Sandi is NOT amused.

Vito said "I recently went into the male stripper business to get chicks, but since I'm 59 and a little overweight I had to be creative with the advertising."

Sandi buries her face in her hand and lets out a frustrated sigh.

* * *

 **Cafe Risque, an hour later...**

 **Music:** "Take It Off" by Ke$ha

Jim, Chris, Tony, Mack, Chuck and Kevin are at the bar while girls are dancing topless on stage. Mack said "Now, this is more like it."

Tony crumbled "Well, it's not a brothel but at least all of the girls have nice ta-tas. How'd you know this place?"

Jim explained "When Quinn was still at her father's consulting business this place was one of their clients. Also, our friend, Sandi, works here."

Tony asked "Is she hot and can I see her?"

Jim said "She has tonight off, she's with Quinn at her bachelorette party."

"Figures." Tony grumbled.

At this point, a waitress walks by. She's clad in nothing but a matching bra and G-string. Tony immediately slaps her on the ass.

"Get me a Jack on the rocks, woman."

A bouncer walks up to Tony.

"Hey, this place has a strict look but don't touch policy."

Tony barked "Don't talk to me like that. I killed a hundred men."

The bouncer said "I don't care if you've killed a million. Keep your hands to yourself, this is your only warning."

Tony folds his arms and grumbles.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at Quinn and Jim's house...**

Quinn, Daria, Jane, Lindy, Stacy and Sandi are in bikinis relaxing in the Jacuzzi that's adjacent to the pool. They're also having more drinks. Sandi said "Sorry about that disaster at McGrundy's."

Quinn said "It's okay, Sandi. It was an honest mistake."

Daria's eyes start to get heavy. She's about to fall asleep when Jane shakes her.

"You alright?"

Quinn added "Yeah, sis."

Daria slurred "I...hic...I...dink...urp...too...mucking...futch...hic..."

Jane said "Daria, maybe you should sleep it off."

Quinn said "Yeah, you can sleep in any of the guest rooms."

Daria said "t...hic...'ankz...hic..."

Jane helps Daria out of the hot tub.

"I'll be back once she's settled."

With that, Daria and Jane leave while the other four continue to sit and drink.

After downing a whole glass, a tipsy Sandi said "This is great, Quinn."

Quinn said "Hey, the official party may have been a bust, but this after party has been great."

An also tipsy Lindy said "How about a game?"

Also tipsy, Stacy said "Great idea. I'm up for Truth or Dare." Whe the others give Stacy a 'really' type look, she adds "Adutl Truth or Dare."

"I'm game." said Quinn.

"Me too." said Sandi.

Stacy took another swig of her Mojito and said "Okay, who goes first?"

Lindy said "I will. Stacy, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Blushing, Stacy said "Yes, more than once. I did it at party's to tease Chuck."

Stacy said "Sandi, truth or dare."

Sandi said "Dare."

"Take off your bikini and play the game naked."

* * *

 **An hour later...**

 **Music:** "Not Myself /tonight" by Christina Aguilera

The girls are still playing. Daria is in the house sleeping it off while Jane has joined them in the hot tub. They're all a little drunk, but not totally wasted, and still playing Truth Or Dare. They're also naked.

"Quinn," said Sandi, "truth or dare."

"Truth."

Sandi takes another swig of Patron before asking "When Danni kissed you last fall, how did it feel?"

Quinn looks a little uncomfortable.

"Are you sure you wanna know?"

Sandi said "I'm over it, and yes."

Quinn downed her drink to steel her nerves.

"I...To be honest, I was too shocked for anything to register when she kissed me."

Inching closer, Sandi, in a sultry voice, asked "Well, what about when you think back to it?"

Jane said "Yeah, Quinn. Inquiring minds wanna know."

Quinn admitted "When she kissed me I went into autopilot for a minute out of surprise."

Inching even closer to Quinn, Sandi asked in a seductive tone "And?"

Quinn, emboldened by alcohol, said "We had our tongues in each other's mouths."

Now right next to Quinn, a drunk Sandi asked in a breathy whisper "Did you like it?"

Caught up in the moment, Quinn admitted "I kinda did."

Sandi immediately leans in and kisses Quinn on the lips. Quinn is too stunned to react until Sandi opens her mouth. Quinn responds by opening her own mouth and letting Sandi slip in some tongue. When the kiss deepens, Sandi throws her arms around Quinn and pulls her close. Quinn automatically moans into Sandi's mouth. The kiss breaks.

"I want you, Quinn."

Sandi kisses her again. They passionately moan into each others mouths and start groping.

* * *

 **Act III**

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Quinn, Sandi, Stacy, Jane and Lindy are in the jacuzzi next to the pool in the back yard. They're all naked and drunk. Sandi and Quinn are passionately making out. Smirking, Jane said "Well, this just took an interesting turn."

Stacy said "It's too bad Jim and Joey aren't here."

Lindy said "Yeah, they'd probably enjoy this."

At the mention of Sandi's boyfriend and Quinn's fiancee both girls eyes suddenly go wide. They immediately stop making out and back away from each other.

"OHMYGOD!" Sandi exclaimed.

"WHAT ARE WE DOING!?" said an equally shocked Quinn.

Jane said "Some pretty wild tongue wrestling."

Quinn said "You were...we were...making out...I...I was...ENJOYING IT!"

Sandi stammered "I...I..don't know what came over me."

They exchange funny looks. Stacy said "Well, this just got weird."

"No kidding," said Lindy, "I knew Sandi was bi, but Quinn."

Quinn protested "But I'm not into girls."

Sandi said "You seemed pretty into me just now."

Quinn said "But...I mean...we can't...Jim...Joey..."

Sandi now has a guilty expression on her face.

"Yeah."

Jane said "The way I see it, what happens here stays here."

Sandi looks at a now petrified Quinn.

"Sorry."

Quinn says nothing, she's too shocked.

Jane said "Sandi, how long have you wanted Quinn?"

Sandi said "That's just it. I find her very attractive but I know she's straight. I can't believe what we just did."

Sandi takes another drink and slams it down her throat in one gulp. To Quinn, Jane said "Don't worry about it. I went all the way with a girl once but I'm still straight."

The others give Jane a curious look.

"What? I was curious so I hooked up with a girl when I was at BFAC. Haven't done it with a girl since because my curiosity was satisfied."

Sandi gives Jane a curious look.

"You once had sex with a girl and you don't consider yourself bi?"

Jane explained "It was just to satisfy curiosity, nothing more. In any event, I got it out of my system."

Sandi said "But you can't just be with a member of your own gender and no longer be bisexual."

Rolling her eyes, Jane said "That's why it's called bi-CURIOUS, not bisexual."

Quinn and Sandi now look very confused. Lindy said "Maybe we've just had too much to drink. I mean, we are naked in a hot tub talking about sex."

Everyone now feels extremely awkward.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at Cafe Risque...**

The guys are all liquored up and having a good time. Suddenly, the owner, Mr. Vorchevsky, takes the stage.

"We have special guest tonight. Mr. James Carbones is gettings married next week. Come on up here."

Jim looks at the other guys. Mack said "Come on Jim."

Chuck added "Yeah, you didn't really think you were gonna leave without a lap dance, were you."

Jim comes up on stage as a chair is being placed in the middle. Mr. Vorchevsky said "Have a seat."

Jim sits down in the chair and the music starts.

 **Music:** "Naughty Girl" by Beyonce

A brunette clad in sexy lingerie and a feather boa takes the stage. She wraps the boa around Jim and proceeds to give him a lap dance. All the guys cheer her on. Jim, loosened up by alcohol, enjoys every minute of it.

Tony said "He'll take a lap dance but not a f&%# and a blow job!?"

Chris said "C'mon, Dad, loosen up."

Tony turned his attention to the bartender and barked "Another Jack on the rocks!"

The bartender gives Tony his drink. He downs it in one gulp and asks for another.

"Keep 'em coming."

The bartender complys. As he drinks, Tony thinks _This is such bullshit. My pansy ass son gets a lapdance._ A look of pure rage is now on Tony's face. _That little waste of sperm doesn't deserve action, I do!_

With that, Tony downs the rest of his drink.

 _F#$% it!_

Tony immediately hops on the stage and pulls the girl away from Jim.

"Why don' ya dance f'r a real man, sweet cheeks?"

The woman shouts "HANDS!"

Tony forgot that Cafe Risque has a strict look but don't touch rule. He grabs her ass and she slaps him.

"I like 'em feisty!"

Chuck has a guilty look on his face.

"Didn't that used to be my line?"

At this point, a bouncer rushes the stage.

"YOU WERE WARNED, PAL!"

The bouncer attempts to tackle Tony, but Tony immediately turns around. He grabs the bouncers wrist with one hand and his collarbaon with the other. Tony rolls onto the floor and throws the bouncer clear across the room. Two other bouncers try to rush Tony, but Tony leaps up and does a spinning kick that knocks them both unconscious. He lands on his one feet.

"WHO'S NEXT!?"

Three more bouncers try to rush Tony. He sidesteps one and trips him. As the bouncer falls face first Tony knocks him out with a karate chop to the back of the neck. The second bouncer lunges at Tony. tony ducks under his arms and comes in close. Wrapping the bouncers right arm with his left, Tony uses his own right arm to elbow his face before forcing his head down as Tony brings up a knees. The bouncer is unconscious with a broken nose and jaw after that. Thon leaps at the third bouncer and jump kicks him in the face before punching him in the gut, followed by a devastating punch to the face.

"HOOOO-RAH! THIS IS FUN!"

* * *

 **Mr. Vorchevsky's office...**

Mr. Vorchevsky in on the phone.

"Lawndale Police, there is crazy man on rampage at my club. My security can't handle him...Thank you. Please hurry!"

* * *

 **The main club, a short time later...**

All of the bouncers are beaten to a pulp while the girls and the bartender have run off. Only Tony, Jim, Chris, Mack, Chuck and Kevin remain. Kevin said "Whoa! Sergeant Major, you, like, totally kicked ass!"

Tony said "You take on a former Delta Force operator that's what happens."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, outside...**

A whole team of police cars has surrounded the building. A SWAT team in full riot gear storms the building.

* * *

 **Inside...**

The guys are now surrounded by SWAT. The team leader said "DOWN ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!"

The guys all get down on the ground. Jim muttered "Nice job, Dad."

And you thought your bachelor party was crazy.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, morning...**

Quinn enters the kitchen in her pajamas. Daria is there and having coffee.

"Morning, Quinn."

"Morning, Daria."

Daria asked "What did I miss?"

Quinn said "After you went down we played sexy Truth or Dare. It got kind of wild."

Daria asked "As in?"

"As in we all wound up naked. That and I made out with Sandi."

Daria's eyes go wide.

"I thought you weren't into girls."

Quinn said "That's why I'm confused. I've never been interested in girls but last night I made out with one. If we hadn't thought of our guys at the last minute who knows how far things would've gone."

Daria said "So, you had a bi-curious moment."

Quinn said "It kind of turned me on. What if I've been bi all this time and just never realized it?"

Daria asked "Have you ever looked at other women the same way you look at men?"

Quinn thought for a minute.

"No."

"Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about a girl?"

"No, that's what makes it so weird. I've never been into girls but last night I was a little turned on when I kissed Sandi."

Daria explained "I think what turned you on was the excitement of something new. I think if you and Sandi had gone past kissing you would've felt really weird about it."

Quinn asked "But, what if I am bi and I just don't know it?"

Daria said "Quinn, you're 27. If you were bi I think you would've suspected before now."

Quinn looks thoughtful.

 _She's right. Sandi said she first felt attracted to girls around the same time she discovered guys. I was only ever attracted to guys. Sandi repressed that side of herself until college while I never had anything to repress. I'm not bi. what happened last night was just curiosity mixed with alcohol._

"Thanks, Daria."

At this point, Lindy and Stacy come in. Stacy asked "What are you guys talking about?"

Quinn said "My makeout session with Sandi."

Lindy said "Quinn, just because you got drunk and kissed a girl doesn't mean you're bi."

Stacy added "Yeah, Quinn. I've kissed girls and it turned me on, but what turned me on was the fact that it was turning Chuck on to see me do that. I never wanted to actually go all the way with them."

Relieved, Quinn said "That's Daria's assessment too. I was just turned on by the thrill of unexplored territory."

Daria asked "Where are Jane and Sandi?"

Lindy said "They stayed in the hot tub a little while after the rest of us turned in."

* * *

 **Upstairs, a short time later...**

Quinn, Daria, Stacy and Lindy are going to one of the spare bedrooms. Quinn said "This is the only room they could be in."

She opens the door and they all walk in. Sandi and Jane's bikinis are on the floor while Jane and Sandi are in bed. They're asleep in each others arms and they're naked. Not only that, but it's obvious by the thrown sheets that they did very little sleeping. blushing, Quinn said "When will I learn to knock first?"

Daria said "I'm going to pretend I never saw this."

"Me too, sis. Me too."

At this point, Quinn's cell phone vibrates.

"Hello...Jim!...Where are you guys?"

Quinn's eyes go wide.

"Arrested!?"

 **To Be Continued...**


	13. Is It Over Yet?, Part III

**Opening Montage**

 **Song:** "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy on a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...

 **Quinn**

 **in**

 **"Is It Over Yet?, Part III"**

 **written by**

 **WildDogJJ**

 **Act I**

 **A police station in Lawndale, morning...**

Quinn, Stacy and Lindy are there to bail their guys out. As they approach the station they see Jim, Chuck, Chris, Mack, Kevin and Tony emerge from the station. They are surprised. Quinn said "Jim, we just came to bail you guys out."

Jim said "Mr. Vorchevsky dropped the charges. He decided one night in the drunk tank was punishment enough."

Chris added "After he banned our father from Cafe Risque for life, that is."

Tony muttered "F#$%ing Ruskie piece of shit."

In light of the fact that Tony is a New York cop, Chris said "Dad, you were facing serious assault charges. You could've lost your badge and pension over this."

Tony dismissively said "Worst the guys at one Police Plaza would've given me is a two week suspension. It's not like I was on the take."

Quinn asked "What happened?"

Jim explained "Dad dragged us to a brothel in Philly. When only Kevin was interested in the hookers we went to Cafe Risque instead."

Kevin said "I still can't believe you guys cock blocked me."

Ignoring Kevin's complaint, Jim went on "Mack and Chuck bought me a lap dance."

Chuck, while pointing to Tony, said "Then genious over here had to interrupt Jim's lap dance and get fresh with the girl. When the bouncers tried to stop him all hell broke loose."

Tony bragged "Those juice heads were nothing. Try trapzing through a God-forsaken jungle with Charlie coming at you from all sides. I once killed a Viet Cong with my bare hands. Tore his commie head clean off."

Stacy said "Thank God you guys are alright."

Quinn said "No kidding."

Jim and Chuck are puzzled by Quinn and Stacy's reactions. Jim asked "Why aren't you screaming your heads off at us right now?"

Chuck added "Yeah, I was expecting to at least catch some hell for the brothel."

Blushing, Quinn said "Um...well...you see..."

Stacy said "Let's just say the bachelorette party got a little crazy, too."

Lindy added "As in Quinn and Sandi making out in a hot tub crazy."

Jim said "Damn, and I missed that."

Quinn said "We were drunk and got carried away, that's all. I'm not switching teams."

Jim joked "Does this mean our future doesn't include a threesome with Sandi?"

Quinn gives Jim a death stare.

"Kidding!"

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at Quinn and Jim's house...**

Jane and Sandi are in the kitchen having coffee and feeling extremely awkward about the night before.

"Sandi," said Jane, "Is it weird that last night we...well...you know?"

Sandi said "Did it?"

Jane nods.

Sandi said "Look, Jane, we were drunk, horny and flirting. It's no big deal."

Jane asked "Do you regret it?"

Sandi thinks it over for a moment.

"Not really. I regret that I technically cheated on Joey, but it was a bachelorette party. You get a pass for that. You?"

Jane said "Alan won't mind that I lezed out. If I'd done it with a guy it'd be another story, though."

Sandi said "That's another reason I don't feel too bad about it. Joey won't even consider what we did cheating, but I do."

Jane said "Sandi, it was a one time thing. As much as I enjoyed getting it on with you I still overwhelmingiy prefer guys." Jane suddenly has a thought. "Did you mean what you said last night? When you admitted you thought I was hot?"

Sandi said "Yes. One of the reasons I truned on you in middle school was that I was starting to have feelings for you but didn't want to accept that I go both ways."

Jane said "I wonder what would've happened if you hadn't been held back in fifth grade and we'd stayed friends."

Sandi said "Well, I wouldn't have become a queen bee. I might have even accepted my bisexuality from day one."

Jane said "Since I was always a little curious back then..."

Jane can't bring herself to say it, so Sandi does.

"We might've been Lawndale High's token lesbian couple."

Jane said "Only it would've been real instead of just a rumor."

Sandi asked "So...no regrets?"

Jane said "No regrets."

They are about to hug when Jane pulls back.

"Maybe just a handshake."

Sandi smiles as they shake hands.

* * *

 **Governor's Park Restaurant, evening...**

Chris and Lindy are seated across from each other at a table. Chris said "Thanks for taking me out, Lindy."

Lindy said "My pleasure. You know, Chris, you're an interesting guy."

Chris said "My brother's the one marrying a woman who wouldn't have even looked at him back in high school."

Lindy asked "How come?"

Chris said "I was the varsity athlete. I led our high school to back to back State Championships. Jim, on the other hand, didn't step out of his shell until college."

Lindy giggled. Chris asked "What's so funny?"

Lindy said "I'm on a dinner date with the kind of guy who wouldn't have given me a second look back in high school."

Chris asked "What were you like in high school?"

Lindy said "I was the weird art chick. No one wanted to be around me because they thought I was a total freak."

Chris can't contain his disbelief.

"You! A blonde hottie who used to be considered an awkward weirdo!?"

Lindy said "Guilty as charged. I didn't step out of my shell until college either."

* * *

 **The park, later that evening...**

Chris and Lindy are walking. It's a clear night with a full moon. They sit down on a bench. Lindy said "Isn't the sky beautiful?"

Chris said "Not as beautiful as you." _I did NOT just say that!_

Blushing, Lindy said "You're sweet, Chris."

Chris bitterly said "That's why I'm being divorced by a woman who cheated on me every chance she got."

Lindy said "You deserve better, believe me." _God, this guy's incredable._

Chris said "Can we talk about something else?"

Lindy said "Sure."

Chris said "So, you're an interior designer?"

Lindy said "Yes."

Chris said "That's cool." _This woman is incerdible. She's beautiful, smart, funny and optimistic. She saw me at my worst and didn't judge me. She understands me better than anyone._

Finally, he said "Um, Lindy."

"Yes." _God, is he perfect._

Chris muttered "Well...you see...it's like this. We've only known each other for a few weeks, but in that time I've noticed that you're a great person and...well...you see...um...uh..."

Words escape him. Finally, Lindy smiled and said "Just shut up and kiss me."

As they kiss a shooting star streaks across the sky.

* * *

 **Winged Tree Conutry Club, May 22, 2010...**

The big day has arrived. Jake and Helen are greeting guests. The first to arrive are Emma and Rita. Helen said "Mom, Rita, welcome."

Impressed, Emma said "How on Earth could you afford this?"

Helen said "The Slaon's are on the membership committee and owed Quinn and Jim some favors."

Rita's eyes go wide.

"Sloan's!? As in Grace, Sloan and Paige!?"

Emma added "Well, I see that Quinn and Jim have been keeping proper company."

The two walk into the club as Jake and Helen breathe a huge sigh of relief. Helen said "At least Mother's behaving herself...for a change."

At this point, Eve Morgendorffer approaches. She asked "When do I get to meet Mr. Carbone?"

Jake said "He'll be here later with his wife. Why?"

Eve, with awe in her voice, said "When I heard he was a former Army Ranger who served in Vietnam I was intrigued. A real man for a change."

Jake said "I see. Just like dear old Dad. "Only soldiers are men, Jake." "You aren't a man until you've tasted combat Jake." "WHY ARE YOU GOING TO COLLEGE, JAKE. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS TO VIETNAM AND KILL YOURSELF SOME COMMIES!""

"JAKE!"

Eve said "Thank you, Helen. At least one of you acts like a man. Jake, must you speak so poorly of our dear, departed father."

Jake said "You only like him because he spoiled you rotten. You'd feel different if he threw you in the Gulag otherwise known as Buxton Ridge."

Eve spat back "At least he tried to make a man out of you. Then you let this communist c&*% get her claws into you and turn you into a hippie."

Offended, Helen growled "Eve, I'm right here."

Without another word, Eve entered the club. Jake said "I need a drink."

He's about to go inside when...

"Jake, you aren't going anywhere until you've helped me greet all of the guests!"

The firm tone startles Jake. At this point, Brittany arrives...with Daryl!

"Brittany Thompson," said Helen, "I don't recall Daryl being on the guest list."

Brittany said "Daryl's my plus one."

Jake asked "What about Kevin? He's your husband."

Brittany said "But he's a groomsman. He's here with Jane and said it was alright for me to bring Daryl."

As they walk by Helen and Jake Daryl's hand can be seen touching Brittany's ass. Brittany doesn't seem to mind. Helen shook her head and said "Kevin's never gonna figure it out, is he?"

Jake asked "Figure what out?"

Helen responds with an exacerbated sigh. At this point, another guest arrives. It's Amy.

Helen said "Amy, welcome."

Amy said "Hey, Helen. So, Jake, still married to my sister, huh?"

Jake proudly said "Be thirty-five years next month."

Amy said "I've said it before and I'll say it again, shows remarkable fortitude."

Helen stares daggers at her sister, who pretends not to notice.

* * *

 **Act II**

 **One of the dressing rooms, a short time later...**

Quinn is seated in front of the vanity. Her white wedding dress is very similar to the one Erin wore at her wedding. Daria is with her.

"Quinn, ready for your big day?"

Quinn said "Of course, Daria. why do you ask?"

Daria said "I was just wondering if you're one of those brides who gets cold feet at the last minute."

Quinn said "Sorry to disappoint, sis, but you couldn't bribe me out of this."

Daria deadpanned "That's fifty bucks Jane owes me."

Both sisters laugh. At this point, Amy comes in.

"There's my favorite niece."

Daria's eyes light up.

"Aunt Amy."

They hug.

Amy said "By the way Quinn, I hope you don't mind me calling your sister my favorite niece."

Quinn smiled as she said "Considering how much you two have in common, I'd be a little surprised if you didn't."

Amy, without missing a beat, said "You're a close second, though."

All three smile as Stacy and Jane enter the room.

"So," said Jane, "Is she chickening out?"

Daria holds out her hand and says "No such luck. Pay up."

Jane hands Daria a fifty. Stacy said "You two actually made a bet about Quinn getting cold feet!?"

Jane said "Yep, my fifty bucks said she would."

Daria added "And since I know Quinn well enough to know she's big on commitment I knew this was a sure thing."

Jane said "Well, Daria's becoming an optimist. What are the odds?"

Giggling, Stacy said "You two are so weird."

Quinn added "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in another dressing room...**

Jim is fixing the tie on his blue and white tuxedo. Mack and Chris are with him. "So," Jim said to his brother, "You and Lindy, huh?"

Chris said "I know. It just feels so right. In fact, I'm just gonna let Brooke have everything in the divorce. It'll be worth it to get rid of her."

Jim said "Just remember to walk Storm twice a day. And he likes his kibble mixed with canned dog food."

Mack said "If Storm drives you crazy, Daria would be happy to take him off your hands."

Chris said "Since I have no experience with pets I'm a little surprised you asked me to dog sit."

Jim said "Since you're living with us until you get back on your feet it makes perfect sense."

Mack said "Also, Stacy and Chuck spoiled that dog rotten when they took care of him. I guess they don't wanna retrain their dog when they get back from the honeymoon."

Chris puts a hand on Jim's shoulder.

"I'm happy for you, bro. You've found the woman of your dreams."

Jim said "Thanks, Chris."

* * *

 **The clubs rose garden, a little while later...**

An altar and aisle are set up. Everyone is assembled. Jim and his groomsmen stand on the right side while the bridesmaids are on the left side. A priest takes his place at the altar. He looks exactly like Mr. O'Neil. Daria is shocked.

"Mr. O'Neil!?"

"Actually, it's father O'Neil."

He even sounds like Mr. O'Neil. Jane said "What happened to being a language arts teacher."

Father O'Neil said "You must have me confused with my twin brother, Timothy. My name's Theodore."

Daria and Jane breathe cautious sighs of relief. Kevin said "Mr. O'Neil has a twin brother! Cool!"

In the audience, Tony rolls his eyes.

"I can't believe this shit. Our boy's about to..."

Gina elbows him.

"Tony, behave yourself."

Tony lets out a frustrated grunt. "Here Comes The Bride" plays as Jake walks Quinn down the aisle. Daria commented "And he promised to walk me down the aisle once, but that was probably the heart medication."

Once Quinn's at the altar Jake takes his seat next to Helen.

"Dearly beloved," said Father O'Neil, "We are gathered here today to unite Quinn Morgendorffer and James Carbone in holy matrimony. Marriage is a holy sacriment, a sacred union that symbolizes the love that two people share..."

In his seat, Tony thinks _Give me a f &%$ing break. A union between those two is a f&*%ing joke._

After the preamble, Father O'Neil said "Now, the couple have decided to write their own vows. You may begin."

Tony's eyes go wide.

 _Are you F$% &ing shitting me!?_

Eve is equally disdainful.

 _Great. It's Jake's communist hippie wedding all over again._

Quinn said "Jim, I used to think I knew what love was. then you came along and showed me it was so much more. I've always wanted someone who would be my partner in all things. In life, in love, in everything. With you I've found that someone. I vow to always love you, to share in your joys and your sorrows, to be at your side through good times and bad, to grow old with you, and to give myself only to you. I vow to be your equal partner in all things in life. All I ask in return is that you do the same for me."

Jim said "Quinn, you are the most wonderful woman I know. You aren't just in my life, you are my life. A life that is so much richer because of you. I vow to be your equal partner in everything, to share everything with you. I promise to pick you up when you fall, to give you courage when your own is lacking, to share in your victories and your defeats. To always love you and, should my love ever fade, do whatever it takes to get it back. I will be your only lover and will only ever have you as a lover. I ask only the same from you in return."

Tony thought _This is REALLY starting to piss me off._

Both Quinn and Jim said "We will go through life as one. We will raise our children to follow their dreams and always do the right thing."

Jim said "I will honor Quinn's conditions."

Quinn said "And I will honor Jim's"

Jim said "There is no me."

Quinn said "There is no me."

Both said "There's us."

In the crowd, Helen wipes a stray tear.

"Jake, that was so beautiful."

Jake said "They really are just like we were back then."

At the altar, Father O'Neil said "If anyone can show just cause why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Tony thought _That's IT!_ and yelled "I OBJECT!"

Everyone gasps as Tony rises from his seat and storms up the aisle. Gina buries her face in her hands out of embarrassment. Tony gets right in the bride and grooms faces.

"I object to this travesty of family values. Jim, this bitch ruined you. Before she came along you had a promising career and now look at you. A YouTuber. I'm beyond ashamed. This woman is a red haired harlot who's led you astray. I FORBID YOU TO MARRY THIS...THIS...THIS C#$&!"

Everyone gasps in absolute shock. Jake angrily stands up.

"HEY, DON'T YOU DARE CALL MY LITTLE GIRL A C#$%!"

Helen grabs Jake's arm and forces him in his seat.

"SIT DOWN, JAKE!"

Tony barks "SEE! HER FATHER CAN'T EVEN CONTROL HIS WOMAN! EQUAL PARTNERS!? WHAT A BUNCH OF COMMUNIST, ANTI-AMERICAN BULLSHIT! I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M GOING TO LET MY SON GIVE UP HIS BALLS! QUINN IS NOTHING BUT AN INSUBORDINATE SLUT WHO NEVER LEARNED HER PROPER PLACE!"

Staring admiringly at Tony, Eve thought _He's just like father. Finally, a real man!_

Gina finally stands up.

"ANTHONY SANTINO CARBONE, SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN OVER HERE AND SHUT UP!"

Tony yelled "SHUT UP, WOMAN! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! THIS IS FOR JIM'S OWN GOOD!"

Gina walks up the aisle and gets right in Tony's face.

"You are gonna sit your ass back down, quit making a scene, and let our son marry the woman he loves."

Tony starts to lose his nerve.

"But...but..."

Gina refuses to give an inch.

"NOW, TONY!"

Tony sighs in defeat. To Jim, he said "This isn't over, boy."

After that, Tony returns to his seat. Father O'Neil said "My apologies for that."

Jim said "It's okay, Father."

Quinn, refusing to let Tony's harsh words upset her, said "We expected something like this."

Visibly relieved, Father O'Neil said "Oh, alright then. By the powers vested in me by The Holy Catholic Church and the State of New Jersey, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

As he leans in toward Quinn, Jim said "Sorry about my father."

Quinn said "That's okay. I just want us married."

"We are, Quinn. We are."

They kiss. The whole crowd, except Tony, applauds.

* * *

 **Act III**

 **The Banquet hall at Winged Tree Country Club...**

The reception is now in full swing. There's an open bar serving wines such as Riunite Lambrusco, Moscato, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir and Montepulciano. Other drinks are scotch, bourbon, Amaretto, Sambuca and Strega. In addition to the wedding cake there are other sweets such as baclava, kannolis and macarones. Other food being served includes lasagna(the real kind, not the microwave kind), antipasta, shrimp scampi and veal marsala. There's also a dance floor and a stage with a karoke machine.

At the head table are the bride, groom and their respective attendants. Daria looked at the stage and asked "I wonder what Trent's new band is like."

Jane said "Assuming of course that Trent hasn't slept in."

Quinn stifles a giggle. Some things never change. At one of the tables, Gina and Tony are arguing.

"I can't believe you made a scene at the ceremony, Tony."

Tony spat back "I can't believe I let you stop me from molding our boys into men over the years."

Gina said "Tony, don't you dare even go there."

Tony said "You coddled both our boys, now look at them. Chris couldn't keep his woman in line and now she's taken everything, including his balls. Jim threw away a chance to make it big to be with Quinn. They're both YouTubers."

Gina retorted "And making good money."

Rolling his eyes, Tony said "That's not an honest days work. What the f&%# happened to this world?"

Frustrated, Gina gets up from the table. Tony asked "Where are you going?"

Gina hissed "As far away from you as possible."

Tony said in a condescending tone "You threatening to divorce me again."

Gina said "No, but I should."

Tony said "HEY! We're good Italian Catholics, we don't believe in divorce. We believe in family."

"My patience only goes so far."

With that, she walks away. Tony goes to the bar.

"Gimmie a bourbon on the rocks."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at the head table...**

One of Jim's relatives is handing Quinn a cream colored envelope stuffed with money.

"Here you go. All the best."

Once he's gone Quinn asked Jim "Why is everyone on your side of the family giving us money."

Jim said "To help us start a family. It's an old Italian custom."

Gina takes the stage.

"Can I have everyone's attention. I'd like to dedicate this to my son and his beautiful bride. Quinn, welcome to the family."

With that, the music starts. Trumpet music with a staccato beat. Gina sings into the microphone.

"C'e 'na luna mezz'u mare, Mamma mia m'a maritare

Figlia mia a cu te dare, Mamma mia pensace tu

Se te piglio lu pessciaiole, Isse vai isse vene

Sempe lu pesce mane tene,

Se se 'ncappa la fantasia, Te pesculia figghiuzza mia"

"La lariula pesce fritte baccala

Uei cumpa no calamare c'eggl'a ccatta"

At the table, Quinn asked Jim "What's your mother singing?"

Jim said "It's an old Italian folk song. It's called "Luna Mare"."

Now Vito has joined Gina on stage. He said "And now for those of youse not familiar wit' the Italian language I'm gonna sing a few lines in English."

At the bar, Tony rolls his eyes.

"Another drink."

On stage, Vito sings...

"Lazy Mary, you better get up, we need the sheets out for the table.

Lazy Mary you better get up and use your feet, she says "I am not able"

Lazy Mary you smoke in bed, there's only one man you should marry

My advise would be is to pay attention to me

You'd better marry a fireman, he'll gome and go, go and come..."

From there he resumes singing in Italian. When the song ends, everyone applauds. That is, everyone but Tony, who continues to get drunk. At one of the tables, Emma is less than thrilled.

"First a hippie ceremony, now a guinea reception."

Shocked at her mothers ethnic slur, Rita said "Mother..."

Emma decides not to press the issue.

"No respect for tradition or propriety."

* * *

 **Some time later...**

The bride and groom are slow dancing on the dance floor. They are joined by the bridesmaids and groomsmen. The stereo is playing a slow jam that's been a staple of weddings and proms since 1983.

 **Music:** "One On One" by Hall and Oates

Quinn and Jim are having the time of their lives. Quinn said "Despite what your father did, this is still the happiest day of my life."

Jim said "Every day with you is the happiest day of my life."

Quinn blushes.

"Jim, that's so sweet."

Meanwhile, Jane and Kevin are slow dancing. Kevin said "It's, like, too bad I'm married and you have a boyfriend. We'd make a cool couple."

"In your...owwwww!"

Kevin accidentially stepped on Jane's foot...again.

"Sorry."

Jane scowls.

 _Quinn owes me BIG for this!_

Chuck and Stacy are getting lost in each others eyes. Stacy said "Quinn and Jim are soo cute together."

Chuck said "Not as cute as you, my lovely."

Stacy blushed as she said "For that I'm going to be extra feisty with you tonight."

"Grrr...I like them...feisty!"

Stacy giggles. It's now actually funny when he does his Upchuck thing. Meanwhile, Lindy and Chris are slow dancing. Lindy said "Chris, are we...well...you know."

"A couple?"

Blushing, Lindy said "Yeah."

Chris said "Of course."

They kiss. Quinn and Jim see this and have just one thought...

 _Mission accomplished._

Joey and Sandi, meanwhile, are lost in each others eyes. Sandi said "This is so romantic."

Joey said "Sandi, I don't want this to end."

All pretense falls away as Sandi said the first words that came to mind.

"Joey, I love you."

Without missing a beat, Joey said "I love you too, Sandi."

They kiss. At the bar a visibly drunk Tony is less than thrilled.

 _I don't believe this shit._ "Another drink!"

The bartender said "Are you sure? You've had a lot already."

Tony barked "Listen, asshole, I killed a hundred guys in one day defending this country in 'Nam. I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"

Startled, the bartender pours another drink.

* * *

 **After the slow dance...**

Everyone is at their tables when Tom Sloan takes the stage. He walks up to the microphone.

"And now, a special treat. A live band."

On the stage appear Trent, Jessie, Nick and Max. Trent walks up to the microphone.

"We're Mystik Spiral, and this is our comeback show."

At the head table, everyone is shocked.

"Mystik Spiral!?" said Daria.

"Back together!?" said Jane.

On stage, Trent said "This is a song we wrote eleven years ago. It's still relevant."

The band plays a VERY familiar tune.

"When the aliens come

When the death rays hum

When the bombers bomb

We'll still be freakin' friends"

"When the whip comes down

When they nuke the town

When dead clowns can't clown

We'll still be freakin' friends"

"Freakin' Friends, Freakin' Friends

'Till we come to bad ends we're Freakin' Friends"

Everyone at the head table smiles.

* * *

 **After Mystik Spiral's set...**

A very inebriated Tony is eyeing the head table with unmistakable contempt. He stumbles over to them.

"Quinn... _hic_..Jim...I needs ta talk wit' yas... _hic_..."

Rolling his eyes, Jim said "Dad, you're drunk."

Tony said "Shaddup... _hic_...you pussy."

Jim glares menacingly at his father, which everyone notices. Tony slurred "'S'matter, pansy ass. Don' like hearinz tha... _hic_...trut'?"

Gina walks right up to Tony.

"Dammit, Tony, I'm warning you. Back off!"

Tony said "Anz I'm sic... _hic_...sick of ya tellin' me what to do."

Gina said "You'd better be real careful what you say next."

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!"

He backhands Gina across the face so hard that she falls to the floor. Jim is now furious.

"MOM!"

He leaps across the table and gets right in Tony's face.

"DAD, WHAT THE HELL!?"

Tony shoves Jim into the table, hard.

"YOU F#$%ING UGRATEFUL WASTE OF SPERM!"

Tony unfastens his belt and flails it wildly in the air. Gina tries to stop him, but he shoves her to the floor.

"LEARN YOUR F&%#ING PLACE, WOMAN!"

He charges at Jim. Jim rolls out of the way. Chris grabs Tony.

"DAD, ARE YOU F #%ING CRAZY?"

Tony wiggles out of Chris' grip. He then wraps hi belt around Chris' neck and starts to strangle him.

"YOU'RE BOTH DISAPPOINTMENTS! DIE!"

Lindy is horrified.

"CHRIS!"

She charges at Tony but he swats her away. Seeing this, Chris does a forward roll that shoves Tony off of him, releasing the belt in the process.

"So," Tony hissed, "That's it then."

He charges at his two sons when out of nowhere, a fist knocks him to the ground. It's Jake.

"You're just like my father. A testosterone drunk psychopath."

At this point, Jake is punched by Eve.

"Don't say that. Tony and Dad are real men."

Helen steps in.

"No, they're not. Your father and Tony are both toxic human beings with serious psychological problems."

Eve hissed "You...BITCH!"

She punches Helen. A catfight ensues. Tony then punches Jake.

"That's what you get, you freedom hating pussy."

Jake punches Tony so hard that he staggers back into some other guests. This starts a chain reaction that results in a full blown riot. Tony and Jake trade punches while Helen and Eve try to rip each other to pieces. On stage, Nick and Max are beating each other up while Trent and Jessie try to pull them apart. Amy and Rita are engaged in a catfight of their own while Gina is beating up on Vito. Even Emma is getting involved, using her cane to beat up multiple assailants. Quinn, Jim, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen are the only ones not involved. They looked dismayed at the chaos unfolding before them.

"I don't know about you," said Daria, "But I'm in favor of getting out of here before someone calls the cops."

Mack said "Motion seconded."

Quinn said "Motion carried, let's go."

Quinn, Jim, Mack, Daria, Chuck, Stacy, Kevin, Jane, Chris, Lindy, Sandi and Joey all walk away as chaos unfolds all around them.

* * *

 **Philadelphia International Airport, a few hours later...**

Quinn and Jim have just checked their luggage. Jim said "I'm sorry about the reception."

Quinn put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Jim. At this point I've accepted that we both belong to the kinds of families where rioting at get togethers is inevitable."

They kiss. They're about to go to the security checkpoints when...

"Guys."

Quinn and Jim turn around to find Daria, Jane and Stacy standing behind them. Quinn asked "What are you guys doing here?"

Jane said "You never got a proper send off. Since the reception ended in disaster..."

Daria continued "We figured we'd at least see you off at the airport."

Quinn and Jim are visibly touched by the sentiment. Stacy immediately hugs Quinn "You're my best friend, Quinn. Thank you."

Quinn asked "For?"

Stacy said "Always having my back. Having you around gave me the courage to stand up for myself and pursue my dreams. If it wasn't for you I'd still be the meek doormat I was back in high school. Instead, I'm a news reporter who's happily married with a wonderful child. Thanks for always believing in me."

Patting Stacy on the shoulder, Quinn said "You don't have to thank me. It's what friends do."

They release each other. Stacy turned to Jim.

"You're a great guy, Jim. I hope you two enjoy the honeymoon."

Jim and Stacy hug.

"Thanks, Stacy."

Daria said to Quinn "It's been one heck of a ride."

Quinn said "That it has, sis. That it has."

Daria said "You used to be a spoiled fashion diva, but you've grown into a well rounded young woman. I...Well, I'm proud of you, Quinn."

Quinn hugs her sister.

"Thanks, Daria."

Jane said "Have fun, you two."

Jim said "We will."

Quinn said "Have I ever told you how lucky I am to have friends like you three?"

All five share a group hug. After that, Jim and Quinn head for the checkpoint while exchanging waves with Daria, Jane, and Stacy.

"Bye." said Daria.

Jane said "Have a blast, you two."

Stacy said "Bring back pictures."

* * *

 **Outside, a while later...**

Jane, Daria and Stacy are by a chain link fence watching Quinn and Jim's plane taxi towards the runway. Stacy said "It was awfully nice of them to tell us what flight they're on."

Jane said "There they are."

Jane, Daria and Stacy watch as the plane takes off and flys into the sunset.

* * *

 **On board the plane...**

Quinn and Jim are snuggling in each others arms. They look like the two most content people in the world. Quinn said "I love you, Mr. Carbone."

Jim said "And I love you, Mrs. Carbone."

Smiling, Quinn said "Quinn Carbone, I love the sound of that."

 **The End (and The Beginning).**

* * *

 **Epologue**

 **Quinn and Jim:** Quinn and Jim are still happily married. They now have triplet sons: Tommy, Timmy and Teddy.

 **Daria:** Daria eventually moved back to New York after landing a staff writing job at NBC. She lives in Hells Kitchen with a cat, Godzilla.

 **Jane:** Jane is now married to Alan. Due to his hectic travel schedule she and Daria spend a lot of time hanging out together.

 **Stacy and Chuck:** They're still married. In addition to little Chucky they now also have a daughter, who they named after Quinn.

 **Lindy and Chris:** Chris moved in with Lindy after his divorce with Brooke was finalized. They are now married and Lindy is expecting their first child.

 **Sandi and Joey:** They got married, then they went through a nasty divorce. Sandi is now a bitter drunk.

 **Trent:** He's still waiting for his big break.

 **Jake and Helen:** They are now globe trotting retirees

 **Mack:** He and Daria broke up when she moved to New York. Since then, he's become a player.

 **Kevin and Brittany:** They're still married with kids. Brittany is still seeing Daryl on the side. Kevin still doesn't suspect a thing.

 **Tony and Gina:** Gina decided she'd had enough and tossed Tony out on his ass. the happiest years of her life began the minute Tony signed the divorce papers.

 **Jessie, Max and Nick:** You don't wanna know.

Thus concludes my "Quinn" series but the story, like life, doesn't end there. Coming soon, "Life After Thirty", a look at their lives now.


End file.
